lastri

To join the financal club, can I get it all out too?
I need advices from you guys.
In our arangement, He pays the bill (all), I save money for vacation and our future. I did not make much. My husband pay the bill and balance his check book on his own, however, every month he keep asking me for my contribution. Sometime it's more than what i make. I try to explain, complain, nag, whatever it is. He felt sh*t about it. He said he rather be the one give me money instead of the one ask for money. Then I felt bad.
However, as soon as he got some money (bonus, tax return) he spend it all (many times, as vacation, gift for "me" as to himself). Example, recently he received 1,200 for bonus, right the way he order a Mac book Pro and said that was "my birthday" present. He went to school, the company pay, but he have to submit his grade then they reimbust. I paid for school fee frist. When he get reimburst he just give me whatever he want. If I said something he give out the bills. Sure this month bill came he will ask for contribution, ugh, I don't know how to balance the book so I don't have to give out our saving. Very fustrated. I don't know what to do.
I am not a financial expert. If you have any advices, please?

As I wrote this, I talk to him and we are upset about bill this month.
Mai

Cybervox

I'm really not up to writing much right now, "smile more" is basically impossible, and the only way to "bitch less" is to keep quiet. Aki's looking even worse, but she's had an injection that should've helped her pass the egg but it's broken inside her, so she's got antibiotics and I'm keeping an eye out for any blood. Treatments for egg-binding usually start with moist heat, putting the bird in a wire-bottomed cage over warm (but not hot) steaming water for a few hours to relax them. It didn't work. They can be given injections of either calcium gluconate or I think it was oestrogen Aki was given. That didn't work. If nothing more happens, they're usually dead within 48 hours, so she has another 24 to improve. I've put her in the hutch we had her in as a chick, which is a large rabbit hutch, and put a hot water bottle in there so she can choose whether or not to sit on it if it makes her feel more comfortable. The weather's still nice, but it's cool enough that a bit of additional heat won't hurt her.

To add insult to injury, I saved half of last night's take-out, as I always do, for tonight. And my brother's just eaten it, despite having his own still in the fridge. I can't eat his because it would make me sick, but he took mine without a second thought, which leaves me dinnerless as I really don't have the energy for faffing around in the kitchen right now. And the b*****d didn't even say sorry. But then he never does. I might just have one of those meal replacement bars if I get hungry enough to eat it. I seem to have lost my appetite.

Oh, I got some of the food done for the party tonight, but feel so bummed I think I'd just drag everyone down, what with Aki AND my selfish brother and the resulting migraine. I dropped it off on the way to work, so I'm sure they'll enjoy their cheesecakes, cookies and sausages. I know they taste good, but it's probably just as well that I stay away in case my appetite rears its ugly head as I'd probably scoff the lot on my own.

Mern

jjeand, great job with the iron, logging in, and donating the blood!

Mike, I didn't know body builders get that low a percentage of body fat, but then again, the only stuff I do know about it is what you tell me. Great start on your health and fitness goals this week! Congrats to ya! All the numbers can boggle one's mind. I just hope you get to the point where you're happy at what you CAN maintain.

Quinn, great job on "Easter cheffing." Spring cleaning is a really great workout. Congrats on that, too.

Almeeker, I have to put my 2 cents worth in. I've been both a working Mom AND a SAHM and I can attest to the fact that being a SAHM Mom was a lot harder than my stress-laden jobs in my younger days as a senior accountant for a restaurant chain and later as a store manager. Most men have no clue about that unless they've been both a working Dad AND a SAHD. I was sensitive, too, about DH making all the money, but it was HE that wanted me to go back to being a SAHM because he didn't like being in charge of the kids when I was at work. So he wanted the best/easiest of both worlds. In the end it all worked out. The kids are grown and turned out great and we no longer have the financial burden of rearing them. I'm glad you enjoyed part of your Easter bike ride. You can feel good about giving your kids such a healthful gift--exercise on those bikes. I remember now that you did answer the carb question before and I HAD forgotten. I understand about the grains causing carb cravings. I now usually just have half a low carb tortilla with a full portion of sandwich filling, and just 1/2 portion of "low net effective carb" Dreamfields pasta because a full serving of either is more than 20% of my entire carb allowance for the whole day. So enjoying them on any given day cuts down on the volume of food I can have--and the volume of low carb legal foods affects how well I avoid going over in carbs or calories. My daughter's oldest girl was a cholicky baby--about the only thing that calmed her was the baby swing or riding in the car. Also, a pediatric nurse suggested to me holding her up atop the clothers dryer set on air dry. It worked almost as well as the swing or car ride. Luckily, my other grandkids weren't cholicky. LOL on walking around unbuckled and unzipped. I'm taking it you didn't go out to the store that way. LOL on your paraphrasing my "parenting until I got her right" line. My FIL poo-pooed all the holidays, too--like yours--anything that cost money whether for clothes, gifts, or a special holiday meal. My DH is more laid back--as long as he gets a holiday dinner he's happy. LOL

Kim, glad you're joining us again this week. Congrats on your new little kitties!

Cassie, best wishes on your goal #7. I know it gets tedious reframing, but it helps keep a person grounded and focused on what's really important. Hey, you're entitled to vent your frustrations--all the rest of us do. Big hug to ya! Great idea on getting the kids to help calm Almeeker's Mr. Screamy! I'd even bribe them with a prize. LOL

Cybervox, thanks so much for telling me more about yourself. I don't know what I expected--for you to TYPE in a British accent or something? I would hate rain half the year, but maybe if I were British I'd be more used to that. Wow, needing SPF 50 really IS fair skinned. So interesting that you have some American Indian heritage. My husband is part Cherokee, but we can't pinpoint if it was his great-grandfather or great-grandmother who was full-blooded Indian. Some relatives say both were. I hope your egg-bound chicken recovers. How many chickens do you have? Do you sell eggs in addition to working at the store? And are you excited about the upcoming Royal wedding? I'm getting up early to watch all the TV coverage I can. Do you like Kate? Do I ask a lot of questions? Yes. LOL

Julia, how'd you do at WW last night? I'm really happy for you that what you've been doing for the last two weeks is completely maintainable. That's great!

Terri, I know what you mean about it being more easy to be motivated when things are going right. That's why I didn't get on the scale yesterday after my carb fest after dinner on Easter--I'd have been too down on myself had I seen I didn't net a loss for the week. Not knowing, I'm just working extra hard this week to hopefully see myself in a lower "decade" next Monday. DH letting out a big sigh and leaving the room due to my audible huffing and puffing didn't really bother me. It's sort of petty, but I kind of got satisfaction out of it. I wasn't deliberately trying to get him to notice all my authentic huffing and puffing or to disturb him, but I'm glad he noticed. I'm honestly jealous that all he has to do to lose a ton of weight is to quit snacking so much between meals. He doesn't even break a sweat or breath heavier when he exercises. I have to sacrifice a lot of carbs and calories and huff and puff and sweat like crazy to lose 1/2 a pound. Best wishes on dealing with the stress. You have some really sensible, mature ideas on that--and that spells success in the long run, even though the road may get a little bumpy from time to time.

Mern

Cybervox, sorry 'bout brother eating your food! I hope your party goes well.

Mai, I'm no financial expert, but I understand your thinking as that's what we did when I was working outside the home when we were first married. We lived on his paychecks and mine went for my car payment and the small allowance I gave myself for gasoline, lunch and necessities and all the rest went into our savings account for a downpayment on our future house.

Have you and DH sat down together to figure out a monthly budget so that you both can see on paper what those expenses are and make an agreement on how much each of you needs to contribute on a monthly or weekly basis? Make a list of what comes first in matter of importance--shelter, utilities (like water, electric), food, car payments, whatever. Sounds like you need to talk out in advance that you should be reimbursed for paying his school expenses when his company reimburses him. Mac Book Pro, vacations, and entertainment have to be last on the list when money is tight.

If the checking account is only in his name, I don't know what to tell you. But if it's in both your names, maybe he could show you how to balance the checkbook so that you would know what to do if something happened that made you responsible for paying the bills yourself.

quinnesec

Hmmm... finances...

Well, when we both worked, we pooled our money. Both of our checks went into the checkbook to pay bills. I think when you have "his" bills and "her" bills, feelings get hurt. I think it's ok to have your own bills when your single, but when you get married, it seems to me that the financial obligations become "our" bills. (But I'm kind of old fashioned, I guess.)

Now that I'm home full-time, husband makes the money and I'm in charge of budgeting and finance, which makes us both equal partners. He works in banking and finance and the very last thing he wants to do in his down time is mess with budgets and bill paying. I'm very frugal, so he knows his money is well spent.

Cassie,

Instead of waiting for referrals, have you ever thought about breaking out on your own? I don't know what would be involved legally or whatever, but it might be a thought.

Cybervox,

My husband and I have had a running joke for almost 20 years that he never let me have a chicken. Just yesterday, I reminded him of that and he said that I was the only woman left that wanted a chicken. You see, he was raised on a small farm and I was a city girl. When we met, he taught me all about cows, horses, pigs, chickens, etc. He told me wonderful stories about the animals he had growing up and he said one day he'd buy me a chicken. lol I find something intriguing about waking up in the morning and gathering eggs for some reason. I'm outside of the city limits, so it would be permitted. We just spoke yesterday about what would be involved in having a couple of laying hens. (He was less than excited! lol)

After reading about your chicken, now I'm a little worried that it may be more complicated than I first thought! Hope your chicken's going to make it!

Mern

As soon as we got married we got a checking account in both our names and no longer had individual checking accounts or individual bills. We made a budget, even for food and stuck to it. We only got non-necessities if we had money left after the bills were paid and even then, we only allowed ourselves a certain amount of money per month for non-necessities IF we could afford it. If we wanted something we didn't need, we had to save up for it with our monthly "non-necessity" allowance.

He paid the bills and I balanced the checkbook. We still do that today in our retirement. He knows how to balance a checkbook to the bank statement but hates that job, so I do it. On the other hand, I know how to pay the bills but hate that job, so he does it. Works out quite well.

cjohnson728

Thanks for the support, everyone. I guess money management is a lot like losing weight. The same thing doesn't work for everyone; we all need to find our own way through it, and once you hit on what works, you know it. The one thing I can say is that knowledge is power...the more you both know and are both involved, it's probably better, even if you each have your little specialized areas.

Cybervox, hopefully things are looking up for you and for your feathery baby. I imagine it's a pretty helpless feeling. Will be thinking about you.

Mern, I love the experience you bring to this thread. Thank you for all the wise words you have shared over these months. It's like calling my mom, in a way .

Quinn, you have a good thought, but I'm already on my own; have been since '97. The problem is, 95% of my referrals come from state agencies; I've developed a very specialized practice with a forensic leaning. It's worked out exceedingly well until now. When I did therapy, everyone wanted to come after school and after work, and with a child at home, that wasn't appealing to me. So now I go out maybe 2 days a week during school hours, and the rest of the time I'm at home doing the reports. I honestly have the best of both worlds. I could build up a therapy practice, but it will take time, and I guess I'm just spoiled now. I've been trying to frame this as the proverbial window opening; sometimes it's better than others. It will work out, just not sure how. Soooo...how's the beading? Her dress sounds gorgeous; I'm sure she's excited. Wasn't it last year this time that there was boy drama at your house?

Mike, are you out there? Things going okay w/the P90X?

Hope everyone is doing all right this afternoon. I just got back from HS orientation and we're going to run for Mexican. Hope there are some good choices; I just ate a cucumber bcs I'm famished and don't need chips in front of me in this state!

01gt4.6

thanks ladies. I've been in a meeting all day, at a fancy restaurant so I couldn't eat the lunch that I brought. I picked the safest thing on the limited menu... Red Snapper. Now I'm starving and need to get home and eat... and still work out. I'll try to reply back later this evening.

blackrhino2

hi guys,
today i'm doing well food wise, ate a pack of m&ms and a peep chick but i guess it fits in bc i am in line with cals.

Mern, WW was good, i weighed in at 129, which is 1 lb more than I was before I left for Hawaii, but whatever. I still didn't need to pay!

For budgets, right now I am single so its much easier than needing to work with someone but in general I'm SUPER frugal. Partly bc I live on a grad school stipend and partly bc I just don't feel comfortable spending lots of money on anything.

Lou and I are moving in together in August and this is my plan (haven't told him it all yet):
-know what our monthly bills will be (rent, cable, grocery budget, internet, insurance), subtract that from our total income.
-have a goal of saving 20% every month for emergencies/future home/retirement
-the rest of the money gets put into an allowance for us, 50% goes to us as a couple (dinner out, toilet paper (those aren't groceries!), oil changes for car, etc)
-then we each get 25% to spend on whatever we want and we don't need to justify it. Lou can spend 30 bucks on fancy beer then I won't say a thing, if he has that in his allowance.

If one month we can't put 20% into savings for whatever reason, then the next month we need to make up for it by saving more and therefore we get a smaller allowance. I read about this sort of a plan on a website. The trick is to keep track of your spending. I already track all my food, so I figure I can do this too.

Who knows if it will work!?! I may be naive. He already wants to spend more than I am comfortable with for rent..so I have to explain why I can't justify spending 50% of my salary on rent.

almeeker

You guys are all fantastic, I don't know that venting about money would normally feel motivating, but somehow here it does.

Our financial situation isn't really that different sounding from some of the rest of you. When we got married we each had our own checking account, and between one bank and then another closing we ended up having just one joint account (I'm totally on board with quinn's old fashioned notions on this). For the first several years of our marriage I took care of the bills, balanced the check book, kept things on budget etc etc, and DH was always the one that looked for better mortgage rates, watched the 401K's and such. He's sort of a "big picture" money person, whereas I'm the detail woman. That all changed when I was pregnant with our youngest. I had lapses of memory, forgot to pay bills and had somewhat elevated blood pressure to boot. So after I'd forgotten to pay his cell phone bill for the third time he agreed to take over the checkbook while I was pregnant. Well that was 5 years ago, and I've yet to be able to grab the reins back from him, and I've tried (although admittedly not very hard).

When things got really tight a few years ago I went out an learned how to not pay full price for anything, via coupons, rebates, sales, promotions etc. With the whole idea being that if I couldn't earn more money I could certainly learn to spend a lot less. At first DH was not on board and complained all the time about the nutty overstock we were living with. But all that changed after I'd been doing it for a year, the pantry was stocked to the rafters and he realized that I'd spent $3600 less on groceries than we had the year before even though food costs had gone up 13-15%. I'm even better now, so when I spend a little more on groceries than he's used to seeing, he doesn't give me a hard time because he knows that I stocked up on something that went rock bottom. For the record I spend $50-100/week on groceries for a family of 5 plus 3-4 extra kids that I babysit.