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Old 03-31-2011, 05:13 PM   #11
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Boy, do I agree with Quinn! You're ONLY 30, not oh-dear-already-30, and you've had experiences your family will probably NEVER have. Starting college at 30+ is not a big deal anymore. There's no rule that says you have to go to college straight from high school, and LOTS of women have stopped to have children, which they wouldn't trade for anything. You have your whole life ahead of you, and this is just the beginning. I'm 63, and Quinn is right: a few years down the road you'll be able to shrug off the naysayers and just live your own beautiful, special life. So be KIND to yourself, give yourself a thumbs-up and a big smile every morning in the bathroom mirror, and mean it. Then do something for the person in the mirror who's smiling at you. Take that energy and put it toward becoming whatever you dream of being. Taking control of your eating and exercise is empowering as all get out. Make your family green with envy. Even if they go right on griping at you, YOU know they're full of it. Find friends and family members who DO support you, and lean on them. I wouldn't even respond to negative comments. Channel them right where they belong, into the trash. People who love you don't put you down, so be your own very best friend first. You're stronger and more capable and more worthy than you know. Start discovering the good stuff that makes you feel empowered. (And if that's not enough, let me at your family for half a minute, and I'll give 'em a piece of my mind!) You're only 30. Life is pure potential. With time, you're going to learn to mentally flip off the critics and just enjoy living your own life. Start practicing now.
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Old 03-31-2011, 05:16 PM   #12
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Default Figure out who will support you

I think what you have done is amazing. I lived in Italy for two years after college and I was miserable. Being able to create a new, enjoyable life in a place like Turkey is extremely challenging and you did it. And at a pretty young age.

Keep learning new things no matter your age. In the past couple years, I have joined a volunteer fire department and have gotten certified as a first responder and a wildland fire fighter. I even got to fight in a wildfire last year. Now I am training to be a structural firefighter and get certified in that. I am a 45-year-old woman and I am really enjoying it. I don't plan to ever make firefighting my profession, but I enjoy the process and meeting new and different people and learning new and challenging things.

I also do things like triathlons, marathons, and weeklong bike tours. I've learned over the years that most people don't understand or care so I just don't share my accomplishments with them. I seek out the people that do understand and share my experiences with them. It sounds like your mother-in-law was pretty supportive about your certification.

From your note, it sounds like you know you are doing the right things and you are going in the right direction. Just keep moving forward. The stuff you are doing and learning can never be taken away from you, no matter what anyone else says. Don't think you are too old at 30 to do anything, especially education of any kind.
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Old 03-31-2011, 07:40 PM   #13
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Wow! I didn't expect sooo much support! I'm sorry for underestimating because this was really awesome of you all. I got all teary eyed reading
(I'm going to break this up into multiple posts)

Today I'm feeling a bit better between all of your posts and my husband. He really gets me through a lot of the little rough spots which hold me back from really allowing myself to feel proud of myself.

Canary- What wise friends you have ^_^ I really like their sayings. I use to be such a positive Paulianna, but that's always being tested to see if I'll become a Negative Nancy. Thank you for your insight!

Behaze- I do like that my life has taken me in a completely unexpected and adventurous direction. I never would have imagined I'd be living (or even visiting) another country even 5 years ago (a year before I met my husband). I also know very few people who have traveled out of the USA (Only my Mom and an old friend really), so it feels good to know I got to see at least one country other than my own in my lifetime. After Plant Biology I would like to work as a Botanist really, but I do have so many other things lined up. I wouldmlike to return to Turkey for retirement, hopefully buy land to have our own farm. It's also a family 'thing' that I sort of grew into wanting myself. I'd like to learn a 3rd language after I manage to accomplish Turkish, as well as take 'real' piano lessons lol I play by ear, but can't read a lick of music. I believe learning at least one instrument thoroughly is good for ones soul ^_^
That's just a few in hudreds of things I'd LOVE to do or learn lol
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times. ~Randy Glasbergen
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Old 03-31-2011, 07:45 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by jjeand View Post
The others have said everything so well that all I can add it that being able to make lace is awesome! And being good enough at it to get certified is very impressive. What is the purpose of making lace? It's beautiful. You know how to make beauty. Very cool!

Oh, and some of the best family I have were adopted in adulthood!
I think it was Karl Marx who said that one of the main differences between people and other creatures is that a spider can spin a web and it can be beautiful but that's not why the spider does it. Only humans are capable of making beauty for its own sake. You have made beauty and you are a beautiful person - I dont care what your weight is. You have heart and strength and courage as well as talent and ambition. It comes through so clearly. Don't let anyone take that from you.

And I agree with the poster who said sometimes we can misread what people say and think they are being hurtful when they are not. Some people make bad jokes or say the wrong thing. Some are just thoughtless in that they don't think. And yes insecure people will try and steal your thunder. Don't let them girl! You rock! I don't know I could have done what you have!!! (In fact, since I am all thumbs, I'd say probably not.)

Just read your post. Thank you. I do have some cool friends. It's true. We all are blessed in different ways.

Last edited by canary52; 03-31-2011 at 07:50 PM.
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:04 PM   #15
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Cybervox- Wow! Medical BioTechnology?! That's awesome! I always thought this particular field was absolutely fascinating!! It's really so sad that they view you as a failure because of cercumstances. How unfair! I think it's pretty amazing that you've accomplished so much so well especially under the most difficult of cercumstances (I'm sorry to hear that such a horrbile thing happened-My heart really goes out to you for experiencing something so heartbreaking). You're obviously extremely gifted. I always saw the ability to do a 'non-skill' as a sign of how cultured someone is. The more skills the merrier because anyone can take on a new job skill which they can get paid for, but to learn a new 'non skill' for the sake of it is extra special. I regards to asking myself if my cousins could do the same things; my husband shares the same viewpoint. He asked me this just today. Made me feel good. Sometimes it's putting things into that particular perspective which reveals to me my own accomplishments, no matter how small.

Almeeker-I LOVE Tatted lace!!! Are you wanting to learn shuttle or needle tatting? Last year I learned American and Turkish style of shuttle tatting and it's awesome. I'm still getting the hang of needle tatting because I hadn't spent as much time with it. I know it will be much easier than shuttle, but I absolutely love the 'popclick' sound of the thread letting from the shuttle. Turkish needle lace is so much fun to make because it's so versitile. In Turkey the villagers are known for their Turkish lace flowers. Each flower has a different meaning, and women of all ages will wear them in garlands on their head according to a given situation; whether becoming engaged, being newly wed, sending your husband overseas, or even in a spicy marraige lol I love it and they're so beautiful. Thank you for the congrats ^_^ I will celebrate with homemade sugarfree strawberry frozen yogurt when I actually get the certificate from my Teacher =D

CJohnson- It really is interesting that you mention this because I use to be this way a few years ago. Seems like I was a much stronger person then lol Just, after seeing the difference of my husbands family and my own it somewhat made me become more needy and more open to allowing others to effect my emotions more. I do agree with you and Hope. It's so true. I've deffinently weakened myself incredibly in allowing negativity to infect my own self esteem and self-happiness.

Taubele- It's funny how I can tell myself this, yet when it put to the test I nearly fail. lol Thank you for re-inforcing it with me so I don't fail ^_^

Quinn- I agree motherhood is so incredibly underappreciated, and what we do is really undervalued by those who truly have never experienced it. This is why I get frustrated when another mother treats me this way. I never understood how they could because we're all working for the same purpose, and with the same pay(being love). All of our cercumstances may be different from one anothers but it doesn't change the title nor the roll we play to fullfill it. Thank you for your reassurance. It's very comforting
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times. ~Randy Glasbergen
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Old 03-31-2011, 08:04 PM   #16
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Hi Crimpet,

I want to echo what Quinn said. I was also a SAHM, as well as having a business, during my younger years. only now as I am older (65) do I appreciate myself for all i accomplished. I now have a baby grandson and it is such a joy to see our son being such a good father. I see my husband and myself in the baby. There are whole other wonderful chapters to come in your life and I think you are doing just fine thank you very much and who cares what anybody else thinks! Be nice to yourself, talk nice to yourself, work on your goals. I admire you!

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Old 03-31-2011, 08:25 PM   #17
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Dancinbear2- I do agree that any text can be easily misunderstood because they don't carry the usual visual or verbal signals which usually cue us in on the actual meaning one is giving. Whether there is sarcasm, humour or not. I read an article 2 days ago which stated that when people are speaking only 7% of the words are actually focused on in order to understand meaning of the sentences undertone, but the verbal tones and visual cues from body language are what help us to percieve the meaning of the sentences undertone. It was stated that roughly 60% or so of texts are misunderstood causing disagreements because of the lack of visual and verbal cues. Unfortunately I'm familiar with my cousin enough to know when she is being humerous, cynical or snide. I totally agree with you on this topic, and I'm quite glad that you brought it up

Wilbeanerz-Thank you for that! I'm glad you were able to toughen yourself up to the slight of others, and honestly how you are now reminds me of how I once was. I miss those days lol I really hope I can follow your lead and get myself back to that point.

Ratsmouth- Thank you for your wisdom and the smile you just put on my face =D I have visions of literally giving myself a big goofie grin in the mirrow and giving myself thumbsup. Soo something I would do during my funny face sessions in the mirror in the morning. I like that 'Mentally flipping people off'..I'll remember that, and I'm sure that they'll ask why I'm laughing. You can have a few minutes to give certain ones a piece of your mind if you would like. lol Thank you again

Rmdaly- Wow! Italy?! I imagine it's really awesome there! That's awesome that you got to experience it though. It hasn't been easy adjusting to Turkey, but I love my husband and his family as well as the atmosphere enough to overcome the discomforts I once felt. After I overcame them I really fell in love with the place, and it really has become home for me. I do plan to retire here one day after we return to the USA. I never thought to travel when I was younger, but I'm really glad I sort of fell into this. It's been an experience of a lifetime. I really admire your ambition!! I'm the same; I enjoy learning and I'm a nut for a good challenge. I've never taken the easy route. I can give myself that lol I have been blessed with an awesome Mother in Law too. She really helps me get through the hard times which arise from the lack of support in my own family. She's my major suppliment to the nurtring I lacked =)

JJeand- Thank You!! That was my idea too!! To make something beautiful shouldn't have to serve a purpose other than to be beautiful. That's what they're there for!

Thank you everyone for so much support! ^_^ I did manage to stay away from the emotional binge eating..I only ate roasted chickpeas, and today walked 6.5 miles due to errands which helped literally work off some frustration. Tomorrows another busy day, so feeling good about it and the choice I made to not go off track You all helped incredibly!! Thanks so much!
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times. ~Randy Glasbergen
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Old 04-01-2011, 12:56 AM   #18
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Hey Crimpet - just my 2 cents here... I think the fact that you took the time to write thoughtful, sincere replies says a lot about the type of person you are, and you should be very proud of that. Keep fighting the good fight.
Start Date & Weight: 5/12/10, 250 (or thereabouts)
Current weight: 154.2
Pounds lost: 95.8
Goal Weight: 140
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Old 04-01-2011, 05:11 AM   #19
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Have you thought about removing her from your FB?

Someone who makes you feel like crap all the time will keep bringing you down when you should be happy about what you have accomplished.

Sometimes you just need to let that person go.
"Just Do It"
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Old 04-04-2011, 08:13 AM   #20
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I think people who treat people this way are insecure, no matter what they pretend to have over you. Only insecure people mistake kindness for weakness. No matter how nice you are to them, once they get the idea that you "need" their niceness they feel more powerful. Sad. So maybe you should pull back. Let them see that you don't need them so much. You said you have been overly sweet to them, yet they still treat you rudely? Well, what if *suddenly* you were not so available to them? Ignore the whole bunch of them, except maybe your mother, and reclaim your power. Let those relationships be on your terms. If your catty cousin can't be nice, then, "Next!". LOL. Then watch how nice everyone gets when they learn they can't disrespect you. But do it without malice.

Last edited by BabyBiscotti; 04-04-2011 at 08:21 AM. Reason: keeping it brief
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