quinnesec

nobe,

"Nobe ... I hate to say this, but have you tried giving the kids the same treatment as they are giving you? Ignore the fact that they are there. If you wanna sit down and watch tv just pick up the remote and watch what you want. If they do talk to you just don't even acknowledge it. I know it sounds petty and immature but maybe a day or so and they will realize how it feels."

This advice from April is spot on. I'm in my 30th year of having a child under my roof and I've used it all the time. In fact yesterday, I offered to buy my daughter something and she got all "prima donna" on me and said that she couldn't possibly use that brand. I just gave her a look and walked away. So today, she said that she found something for my birthday and asked me if I liked it. I told her it was nice, but the brand was nothing that I would buy. She looked at me and smiled and immediately knew how out of place and snotty it sounded. Sometimes, they just have to have it reflected back to them before they hear how incredibly awful it sounds.

canary52

Man, Quinn, that sucks. Now I admire you and all you do even more....

Nobe, Cassie's suggestion is good: you should do the FD world tour. Oh the places you'll go!!! (Dr. Seuss anyone?) And Cassie is right: we are here to lend support. Your details only helped us understand more what's going on.

nobe

Yeah, we've talked about it till we're blue in the face. Hubby goes back and forth between "I can't stand these kids (even though it's not their fault) and I don't want them around," and "how dare you say anything bad about my children?" He's in a tough position, trying to keep everyone relatively happy, and it must be hard finding his own kids so unlikeable. My parents have tried the "we asked you a question; please answer" thing their last few visits and just got eye rolls, so now they're not really allowed over there anymore. My parents did a lot of things wrong, but they raised us to behave appropriately and they're just appalled by these kids.

I feel bad for them too, and most of what I want them to do is for the sake of teaching them how to behave so they can be successful in life. I'm one of those old-fashioned parents that thinks our job isn't to make our kids happy but to teach them how to be adults. Hubby's son is almost 14...he can theoretically be living on his own in just four years. He has no skills to look after himself, or to nail a job interview, or to get a girlfriend who's any less of an animal than himself. That scares me. What kind of life will he have if he can't do the most basic things? You have to answer questions in a job interview. Or to get an apartment. Or to buy groceries. Or to do pretty much anything. I sense a life of welfare and a McDonalds diet for these kids, and it's sad. Sadder still that their mother doesn't care.

I spend so much of my time teaching my kid about manners and chores and
reading and numbers and I feel like he should do everything around the house that he's capable of for his age. He puts his dishes in the dishwasher, he cleans up his messes, he puts laundry in the washing mashine and "helps" with vacuuming and dusting. He says please and thank you and "may I have...?" and he asnwers when spoken to. If a two year old can do it, why don't these kids have the skills? It's depressing as hell.

nobe

I'm on my way!

quinnesec

Oh, The Places You'll Go!!! is the BEST book ever!!! I used it as the guest book at my daughter's grad party. Everyone needs a copy on their bookshelf! It should be required reading for graduating seniors.


Here's the copy for those who don't have it.

http://homepages.ius.edu/harrisla/places.htm

nobe

It bugs me too that people keep making excuses for them and saying "oh, they're just shy." I'm sure they are shy, but they're not just shy. I was painfully, pathologically shy when I was their age, and that just meant I tried to be as inoffensive and invisible as possible. Who wants to get bad attention when they're shy? I remember one time I stayed over at a friend's house and I was too nervous to thank her mom when I left, and my dad marched me right back there when I got home and made me not only say thank you, but to apologize for not saying thank you in the first place. NEVER AGAIN did I not profusely thank anyone who did anything for me. I was mortified. I don't think that kind of tough love would work on these kids, though. They'd just refuse and throw a tantrum and cry and scream. It's so far beyond shy.

It's hard to even explain how abnormal they are because even when I am with them I keep expecting normal reactions and am confused when I don't get them. I keep thinking they'll see how pleasant it is at our house and want to fit in, but they just have no desire to. I keep thinking with all the tv they watch they'd see how other kids are and want to be like them, but they don't seem to absorb any of it. None of the things you'd normally do when kids misbehave work. It's like they're from another planet.

01gt4.6

It wasn't a pet, I set it loose in the grass.

Oddly enough, my back has been much better since I got my bike. I haven't ridden much lately and it started to bother me again. The sciatic pain is still on my left side. About 5 days ago I started getting a buzzing feeling, on my right thigh. It's not a muscle twitch and doesn't hurt, but it's starting to piss me off. It feels as if my phone is vibrating on my leg and it's not. Happens on and off pretty much all day long. Have you ever experienced this?

quinnesec

No, that's a new one to me. It sounds like nerve activity though. Since my accident in 2002, 80% of the time my feet and ankles feel like they are in hot water which TOTALLY drives me nuts! I think that's why I like the heat. Because when it's hot, I'm hot all over and I don't notice that my feet are any different. lol

cjohnson728

Did you all see that thing in the news where a father took that book when his daughter was in kindergarten and had every teacher, coach, etc. along the way write a couple sentences in it for her, and gave it to her for graduation? OMG chills!!! I think it's on YouTube but I don't have time to look for it right now.

cjohnson728

Well, there you go, Quinn. Sounds like you need a bike .