The Holidays are OVER, NO MORE EXCUSES, Motivational Thread Starting 1/9/12
01-13-2012, 08:17 AM
#192
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Agreed, we don't donate a lot of money, but I do give my time and take loads of usable items to the local charities. I was just trying to warn you about the book, I think that's on his first page of "establishing a budget" or some such.
01-13-2012, 08:33 AM
#193
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Actually not true, our neighbor man is "King Sized", he's been very friendly since the day he moved in. He's equally chummy to the neighbor lady on the east side of his house too. Personally I think he's friendly by nature and if it happens to land him a cougar on the rebound, all the better.
Last edited by almeeker; 01-13-2012 at 08:35 AM.
01-13-2012, 08:41 AM
#194
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Location: Slidell, Louisiana
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Mike. I totally agree with you, I have a BF of 13 years but if I decide to to help out my grown kids then that's what I do with MY money. It would be different if they were little kids and we were all living together pooling our resources, then it's the good and the bad scenario.
Only time for a quick comment but I have often wondered how long couples last who keep all their funds separately. I have a friend who is married and she and her hubby do everything moneywise separate. My hubby and I discuss everything that we spend. Then again we don't have extra to use and we only have one checkbook so if one were to use out of it then the other may overdraw the account.
I hate that she gave you an ultimatum like that. That is like saying that it is up to you if she gets to stay with you or not when really she is just threatening to leave. How can she expect you not to help your daughter (who is helping herself!) when she is helping one who seems kind of ungrateful?
I hope it all works out for the best for everyone.
I hate that she gave you an ultimatum like that. That is like saying that it is up to you if she gets to stay with you or not when really she is just threatening to leave. How can she expect you not to help your daughter (who is helping herself!) when she is helping one who seems kind of ungrateful?
I hope it all works out for the best for everyone.
Mike,
Ok... I wasn't going to, but I'm going to put my amateur shrink's hat on for a moment (sorry, Cassie... lol). Let me preface by saying that you didn't ask for my advice, and you're free to tell me to jump in the lake. (Although, I cant... it's frozen.)
It sounds like a trust issue to me. If after 8 years, you haven't either, 1. gotten married or 2. haven't combined your finances, either she doesn't trust you, you don't trust her or both. A relationship has to be 50/50, in all aspects. Ask yourself, "Who's benefiting more from staying together?" It sounds like, from what you've said, that she gets a home, truck, insurance, and care for her kids. What do you get? Maybe I'm completely off base, but it sounds like she's taking advantage of a nice guy. The old Ann Lander's advice applies, "Would you be better off with her or without her?" She sounds like high maintenance to me, but I'm not there. Maybe it's time that she pulls her 50%.
Ok... I'll go try to throw myself into the lake now... Sheesh... when will I learn to keep my opinions to myself?? You're going to wish that I was still busy with my paperwork! LOL
Ok... I wasn't going to, but I'm going to put my amateur shrink's hat on for a moment (sorry, Cassie... lol). Let me preface by saying that you didn't ask for my advice, and you're free to tell me to jump in the lake. (Although, I cant... it's frozen.
)It sounds like a trust issue to me. If after 8 years, you haven't either, 1. gotten married or 2. haven't combined your finances, either she doesn't trust you, you don't trust her or both. A relationship has to be 50/50, in all aspects. Ask yourself, "Who's benefiting more from staying together?" It sounds like, from what you've said, that she gets a home, truck, insurance, and care for her kids. What do you get? Maybe I'm completely off base, but it sounds like she's taking advantage of a nice guy. The old Ann Lander's advice applies, "Would you be better off with her or without her?" She sounds like high maintenance to me, but I'm not there. Maybe it's time that she pulls her 50%.
Ok... I'll go try to throw myself into the lake now...
Sheesh... when will I learn to keep my opinions to myself?? You're going to wish that I was still busy with my paperwork! LOLThere are a few reasons why I haven't asked about combining finances. Just as there are reasons why I've been wating (for a few years) to get the utilites out of my name that she pays, and put into her name.
As much as I want a bike, REALLY WANT a bike, my ultimate goal is to get new(er) house in 2 years. My car will be paid off in 18 months and I olny have 2 credit cards, 1 small and the other... not so small. I'm paying WAAAY over on them and they will both be paid off in 2 years. So as it sits, the only debt I'll have is my house. As bad as the market is, right now I have $60-70k in equity. Between my car and the CC that's I'm paying over on that's just under $700/mo that will be freed up in the near future. So right now things are tight for me, but I was kinda use to it. For her she just took on a new car note so her finances just changed a lot.
As far as trust with finances, I trust her to not go on big spending sprees but not so much to stay on top of things to make sure they are payed on time or early. For the most part she's okay with it, but I'm more anal b/c I need my credit score as high as I can get it for when it's time to buy a house. When I'm more anal about paying them on time, I am more apt to go out and make a big pruchase. Although I don't take credit/blame for the truck. I just worked the deal.
Better off with or without her?? We've actually been getting along better than ever, up until this. Financially it is nice to have the second income paying those bills. I'd have to say better off with her, but if it's her or my DD, she's gets the walking papers. I think she's rather my DD out the picture all together, that's not happnin'!
01-13-2012, 08:42 AM
#195
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Thanks Amy for the advice. I think her problem is that she doesn't want to tell her kids no. That's cool, but don't volunteer to pay her insurance and stick me with. That's just wrong. If she can't afford to pay for it, she needs to sit down with her DD and tell her that as much as she wants to pay it for her, she can't.
I told her a long time ago that her daughter can afford it, hell she's been working for a few years and both of her vehicles were given to her. She CAN afford it but she doesn't HAVE to so why should she?
I also agree that donating to a charity is a good thing but I think until you are fending for yourself you shouldn't be sending someone else money.
I told her a long time ago that her daughter can afford it, hell she's been working for a few years and both of her vehicles were given to her. She CAN afford it but she doesn't HAVE to so why should she?
I also agree that donating to a charity is a good thing but I think until you are fending for yourself you shouldn't be sending someone else money.
01-13-2012, 09:00 AM
#197
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I don't really know any of the players, but my parents had a rule that if you were on their car insurance policy but weren't in college, you paid the bill. And no matter what at 24 you were on your own, chances are if you can't afford insurance, you can't afford the car either. It's well past time to sit down with the kids and patch up the leaks in your wallet, especially if they have jobs. Another book comes to mind "Just say NO!", it's a parenting book about how to say "no" and helping your kids learn to accept that as an answer. Could it be that GF has some guilt over splitting with their dad and tries to make up for it by spoiling them? She wouldn't be the first mom to do that. I used to spoil mine horribly whenever my husband was out of town on business, but I've put a stop to it - mostly.
01-13-2012, 09:05 AM
#198
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Mike, I tried to open your rant but couldn't. Only got a word at a time. I do hope you can work it out. It sounds like you want to, no?
BTW both DH and I have trouble saying no to DD and it does not do her any good. Nothing wrong with boundaries and limits. They want them whether they know it or not.
Mern I do not sleep more than 5 hours a night if that but I NEED sleep.
As for ax-scents I am a total Noo Yawker. My dawter wansa study my ax-scent for a play she's in; jeeze. Kids, I tell ya.
Tawk atchas layda.
BTW both DH and I have trouble saying no to DD and it does not do her any good. Nothing wrong with boundaries and limits. They want them whether they know it or not.
Mern I do not sleep more than 5 hours a night if that but I NEED sleep.
As for ax-scents I am a total Noo Yawker. My dawter wansa study my ax-scent for a play she's in; jeeze. Kids, I tell ya.
Tawk atchas layda.
Last edited by canary52; 01-13-2012 at 09:12 AM.
01-13-2012, 09:07 AM
#199
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My goals:
1) Lose 2 pounds this week (the one I gained and one more) -lost one already, same, gained two (WTF I ate less! Maybe new meds?), 136 (even)
2) stretch every day -Yes, Yes-late, yes,yes
3) gym or walk 3x this week -No, long walk, no,yes w/DD
4) avoid sleep aids- Yes and boy I could have used it! Yes, yes, yes
5) avoid pain pills- Yes, Yes, yes,yes
6) back away from the child while still somehow being supportive:Yes but I keep getting sucked back in, Yes, yes and man it works, meh
7) be nicer to DH; he deserves it : Yes, Yes, Very yes, yes
8) deal with medical stuff: called about stress test, mammogram, dentist, fibro and started new meds, is that enough ya think? no, no, yes dentist
My new meds have kept me up nights and are making me jittery. Gotta see if they're worth sticking with.
1) Lose 2 pounds this week (the one I gained and one more) -lost one already, same, gained two (WTF I ate less! Maybe new meds?), 136 (even)
2) stretch every day -Yes, Yes-late, yes,yes
3) gym or walk 3x this week -No, long walk, no,yes w/DD
4) avoid sleep aids- Yes and boy I could have used it! Yes, yes, yes
5) avoid pain pills- Yes, Yes, yes,yes
6) back away from the child while still somehow being supportive:Yes but I keep getting sucked back in, Yes, yes and man it works, meh
7) be nicer to DH; he deserves it : Yes, Yes, Very yes, yes
8) deal with medical stuff: called about stress test, mammogram, dentist, fibro and started new meds, is that enough ya think? no, no, yes dentist
My new meds have kept me up nights and are making me jittery. Gotta see if they're worth sticking with.
01-13-2012, 09:34 AM
#200
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Slidell, Louisiana
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Thanks again ladies. I want to be able to work this out, so I'm going to try not to think about it much now. I know the more i think about it, I'll just get myself worked up and go home ready to send 'em packing. I'll keep y'all posted as to how this turns out.
