Discussing weight loss goals with the men in your life...

Old 04-21-2011, 01:49 PM
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Thanks, Cassie. I totally agree with you. I have no idea what I look like healthy, or what I FEEL like healthy. Numbers are more guidelines anyway, right?

Ooh, I like the term "feel good weight" too. It's funny, about a week ago BF had mentioned things like "I bet you're looking forward to the day where you can have a bowl of chips and not have to think about it." And I totally am. I'm sure losing that vigilance will be an adjustment, but it was a good image to have in my head.

If it comes up again, I will mention my health, too. I started that way, and I should always remind that that is the ultimate goal!

Last night, I think BF sensed my hurt vibe or something, as I got a range of compliments on my appearance and encouragement for having a kick-ass workout. I haven't yet laid out that yes, my feelings were hurt - but my instincts are to not beat a dead horse if he sensed it and made good amends. The compliments felt nice, and by the end the hurt feeling was gone, so I felt there was no sense in bringing it back up.

Thank you all sooooo much for the support. I really needed to vent and feel validated!
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Old 04-21-2011, 04:43 PM
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It sounds like you had good reasons for picking the goal you did. Then, whatever your thinking, that goal was 'rejected' by people whose opinion you value (and whose support you appreciate).

I'd just have one response when someone said that to me: 'That goal suits me because what I know about this process is that it is hard. I know what I can do and what I can handle. When I get to the goal I have set, I want to enjoy it. If I want to lose more, it will probably be just as hard and I'm the one doing the work. If it turns out to be easier, then as much work as it's going to be, I'll enjoy making the next goal. This is work, not fun.'

In that context, it kind of sounds like both these men in your life are supervising your 'work' and that's what's so annoying. It's you, not them, who are losing the weight and doing the hard things. As long as you are strong in the knowledge that it IS you, and not them, who are pulling this train, you can do it any way you want, as much as you want, and however you want!
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Old 04-22-2011, 04:43 PM
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110 would probably be unhealthy for you and possibly unattainable without some extreme measures. Gwenyth Paltrow is 5'" and 110 lb, and she achieved that body for the movie Ironman I think. She had to live on stuff like spinach smoothies and green tea for weeks at a time, consuming about 700 cal a day and doing extreme workouts. I have to believe she suffered from blackouts. Now I doubt very seriously your menfolk want you to go through all that. Take care of yourself. This is not about a magic number or about how others perceive you - it is about you feeling better and living longer. Your guys will understand as time goes by, but don't walk around shocked that they have misconceptions. No offense, but sometimes guys just don't get it.
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Old 04-22-2011, 09:50 PM
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One of the reasons why people yo-yo is that they set their weight goal too low. Since you started well in the obese BMI category, it is perfectly reasonable to aim for 140lb, get there and stay at that weight for a year or two, and then see if you want to lose some more.
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Old 04-22-2011, 10:05 PM
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congrats on your weight loss....i am almost same height and starting weight as you were....how did you lose it if you dont mind me asking?? just beggining here and need the advice!!
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Old 04-23-2011, 01:36 PM
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I think that your bf and your dad have gone to a place that no man should. Talking about weight between women and men if very tricky. It sounds like they intended the best as they see that you are more capable than what you see yourself capable of. Anyway I think you shouldn't care what the scale says and go by how you feel.
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Old 04-23-2011, 01:58 PM
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jj: Too true, and I'm so guilty of saying I was, for example, 160 lbs. when I was really 180. I think the concept of the numbers means little to men, who just have a "benchmark number" and no clue about what it really looks like. Good point!

Kathy: I love that attitude! It's up to ME to do the work and them to support, and that's it! No more construction-worker supervising (how many dudes DOES it take to dig a hole, anyway?)

Muna: Too true, and that's why I picked a goal towards the top range of my healthy weight. It felt doable, whereas even 130 I was wincing in my head. 140 just feels right, for all the right reasons, and I want to really give it a shot.

VTC: Thanks for the encouragement. If either of them try to lose weight and have troubles, I'll try not to say "I told you so" too hard

Originally Posted by tracyd2011 View Post
congrats on your weight loss....i am almost same height and starting weight as you were....how did you lose it if you dont mind me asking?? just beggining here and need the advice!!
Thanks! And welcome! Having a bit of a bad week this week, but that's how it goes...

I've tried a few things to lose it, but my main goals as of right now are these:

1) Try to achieve a 7,000 calorie deficit every week through eating and exercising
2) Drink as much water as I can stomach (it's usually between 96 and 112 oz. a day)
3) Try to keep up my protein
4) Stagger my calories... that is, one day eat a high-calorie day (between 1400 and 1600) and then for a day or two have low cals (under 1200) -- for some reason doing it this way seems to help my metabolism.
5) Do HIIT training 2-3 times a week -- that stands for high-intensity interval training, meaning I'll push myself really hard on the machine for a minute, and then go slower, and then back up to pushing as hard as I can, etc. I'd suggest looking it up if you're interested though, because I built myself to the point I am now, of one minute on, one minute off for 60 minutes.

However, though, those are MY goals, and your mileage may vary. I've been tweaking for about three months now, and I've only had this set of goals in place for 2-3 weeks as they seem to be working. Everyone needs to figure out what's best for THEM My goals 3 months ago when starting out were very very different - I'm pretty sure at that point I was just trying to exercise twice a week, and getting myself used to a different diet. Starting slowly, with gradual changes, may help you
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