ACCOUNTABILITY THREAD FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO "MAN UP_week2/3

Old 08-14-2011, 04:54 PM
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Default ACCOUNTABILITY THREAD FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO "MAN UP_week2/3

HI --

Yes, I started an "accountability thread" and then wasn't "accountable."

So, what did I learn? Well, first of all, I have to remember that I have to "BE PREPARED" --

In other words, my food has to be present and accessible.

I can't expect myself to do well on a diet plan if all I have in the fridge is a hardened lump of 2% cheese and some whole grain pasta and condiments. Yes, that's what makes it easy to say "screw it" and go to the drive through ESPECIALLY when I am suddenly overwhelmed with work!!!

And that is the GOOD NEWS. SUddenly, I am overwhelmed with work. Whew.

Which means money coming in, which means $$$ for food.

WHich I must admit, has been part of my downfall. When I am in my "best" eating place, I DO SPEND about $100 a week on groceries. WHen that got to be problematic over the past three years, I forgot that I needed to make it a priority over all other spending.

And now, when I go to the grocery store, I'm finding it hard to accept that this is what i need to spend to ensure I am healthy.

And then, I think about the costs. I have steadily had to buy new clothes in LARGER sizes the past three years after whittling my way down to a size 6/8/10 on the bottom and 10/12 on top (broad shoulders, large chest -- never going to be a size four on the top!!). AT 5'10" I was really HAPPY with those sizes.

And the costs to my business. One of the reasons that my business has been in trouble is I have been too embarassed to network. I have felt so fat, that I have holed up in my household and not done the work I need to do to move forward.

But I stopped doing that a few months ago because, with lots of therapy, I am accepting (slowly) that my size doesn't define me. That doesn't mean I have "fat acceptance." I don't accept that I am "just fine" the way I am because I am not, I don't have the amount of energy I need, my knees hurt, I am sure my BP is out of control, I can't breathe well when I even WALK MY DOG. So I don't accept the weight -- I just accept that the weight doesn't define me singularly! I am smart, I am loving, I am gifted, I am creative, I am talented, people like me and I present my business(es) well. I am also pretty--even with the weight. I have great skin, pretty eyes and terrific legs. But I am uncomfortable in my skin at the size I am at so it takes some doing to make myself go outside and be social, much less put myself out there for business.

But I can do this because I have done it.

I have to keep remembering that, on the day I lamented to my therapist "why can't I be successful at this" he said "But you are -- you have had a plan that worked for you and you executed it. So you CAN be successful, you're just not choosing to be right now."

Well, I choose to be successful now. I am going to MAN-UP and realize that I don't have the same relationship with food that my husband does and I have to prepare for that and be vigilant about it. I have to make better choices and, if we go out and "share" food, I simply have to eat less of it. Much less. And, on balance, I have to eat MUCH MORE fibrous, dense, high-quality foods that are designed to keep me healthy on the inside. I need to find my inner food snob again!

So, I will find that person. And I will stand up for her! I will fight tooth and nail to make sure she is well fed, well cared for, "being all that she can be." And nothing will keep me from her success. No monkeys, no inner child, nothing.

(Okay, as I am writing that, I am plagued by self-doubt, but I have to start somewhere, so I am going to ACT-AS-IF!!).

GOALS:
  • 1100-1300 calories per day (I really need to drop 200 more calories a day to get a grip on my eating!)
  • Exercise DAILY for at least 60 minutes
  • Dance class at least once a week for both physical AND mental fitness
  • Water, water, water == 100 oz a day minimum

OKAY -- I just got on the scale and I am up 4 pounds. Which could make me sad, but really, just makes me MAD.

Starting weight: 226.4

Short term goal: 220
Mid Term Goal 200
Long Term Goal +/- 159-165 (163 was the lowest I have been in my adult life and it was a GOOD weight for me. I was strong and fit -- but I really want to break that 160 barrier so I always have a 5 pound flux -- but I also don't want to put pressure on myself that isn't RIGHT for me. When I hit that 163, I got so caught up in getting to my arbitrarily set goal of 150 that I had announce to people so I felt I had to get there, that I self-sabotauged my way back up to, well, 226.4).

I'm MANNING UP!! Please join me! I need help and accountability and a support system.

Thanks,
Ang
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Old 08-14-2011, 08:16 PM
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Hi Ang, I just wanted to quickly check in with you and offer you support and encouragement - I admire your spirit and dedication, and both of those will get you to all of your goals.

Just remember to treat yourself with kindness; I think that is one of the hardest things to do, but also one of the most important.

Like I said, just a quick shout-out - I hope you have an awesome week.
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Old 08-15-2011, 03:02 PM
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I go to WW. Lately, my weight has been creeping up. It's hard to deal with. It shouldn't be such a surprise. One thing I love about WW is the accountability. One thing I hate about WW is the accountability. So, following the much-repeated advice of my WW group leader, I looked. What have I been doing?

Well, if it takes 3500 calories extra to add a pound of weight, then being up 3 pounds in a week would mean that I have to eat 10500 extra calories over the week. Which I didn't. Immediately, I relaxed, thinking: this is partly water weight and partly real weight. I can stop eating frozen meals (high in sodium) and that might help the water weight.

Nothing drastic needed. But, I look at what I've been eating. And - in addition to the prepared meals, I've been eating a lot more of these spreads (margarine-like) that have more monounsaturated fats. They taste really good and I feel virtuous putting them on almost everything. They are still fats that add quite a bit of calories. I need to change that habit.

I could go on and on. I notice some other things that I will have to change, given what I've eaten in the last week.

BUT: that's what the food log is for. And I also notice my calories total for the day has been creeping up, as an average. Duh. I wonder where the weight is coming from! Mystery solved.
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Old 08-18-2011, 12:57 PM
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If you want to make God Laugh, show him your plan . . .

So on Monday Morning I woke up and "the crud" had taken hold. Head stuffy, can't breathe except maybe out of the tiniest passage in one nostril, achy, chilled vs. sweating profusely, you know the drill.

Last night, I slept BLISSFULLY through the night with minimal drugs.

So, my exercise goals? OUT the door.

But I have learned that I wish I could rip out my olfactory senses for a few months or everytime I THINK I am craving doritos because I have had no appetite and it can only be because I can't SMELL. Because the old weight monkeys of boredome and sloth and exhaustion are all there, but I'm not finding myself in the kitchen.

Last edited by brandismom1990; 08-18-2011 at 01:12 PM. Reason: OKAY -- HERE IS 1/2 of my post . . .sigh
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Old 08-18-2011, 01:11 PM
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son of a bisquit!!!!!!!!!!!

JUst lost a reply.

Okay -- to summarize. Thanks for the words on kindness -- appreciate it. Kathy -- hang in there!

Want to make God laugh . . .make a plan because I have been SICK, SICK, SICK for three days but with no ability to smell, thus no desire to eat and pushing 10000000s of oz of fluids so I am down 5 pounds!

BBL to post more, but frustrated with loss of post!

Take care pretties,

Angela

5'10"
START WEIGHT: 226.4
CURRENT: 221.2 (woo hoo!)
SHORT TERM GOAL: 220 -- almost there!
MID TERM GOAL: 199 by end of Sept
LONG TERM GOAL:+-160
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Old 08-20-2011, 12:07 AM
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SO WHY, WHY, WHY DO I STILL "NEGOTIATE" with food? With exercise, with alcohol? Why don't I "just say no" and be done with it?

The agony of the "do buy this, don't eat that, feel guilty, try again, feel like a failure, try again, win one battle, lose three, etc." that ULTIMATELY END IN MY BEING FAT -- which has SO MUCH MORE agony associated with it . . .it's just not worth it.

But I am overwhelmed by my "to do list' right now and it's just EASIER to pick up the nearest thing or to soothe myself with a cocktail, or veg out on the couch with some mindless TV just to SHUT DOWN for a bit!

Sigh.

WHYYYYYYYY??

That was me last night and all day today and right now at 8:00 p.m. on a Friday evening when I have to prepare a breakfast casserole for a volunteer meeting in the morning, clean up my upstairs so my dance captain and I can work on even choreography tomorrow (oh, and don't even start with me on how FAT that makes me feel -- in a week I will be teaching dancers a routine -- professionals, thin, gorgeous, etc. -- but I have to do it. It's part of my job).

I don't know what all this means, but I am just SPINNING!!!! I'm going to go walk the dog and then try and get to it.

SIGH -- Bad day.

Dropping lots of eggs right now and really DO want to just throw the rest of the dozen on the ground.

Ang
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Old 08-20-2011, 03:12 PM
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I'd say 'Make a conscious decision to slow down' but I know, from your previous post, that you are ambitious and the rewards that are driving you to achieve are greater than the rewards driving you to lose weight.

There's a catch-22 to situations like these. If someone gave you an assistant, to take away some of the stress of keeping so many balls in the air, you'd be happy. Because then, with an assistant, you could take on EVEN more! Gee, now, I can have the assistant handle a, b, and c, freeing me to add d, and e! Wow, I'm getting so much done. Pesky diet, though - I do wish somehow someone could manage THAT for me.

All the diets that keep you restricted to meals that they send you (Jenny Craig, for example) will work very well. They can't tie your hands and put tape on your mouth so you don't cheat when you get stressed, but they are ideal for a very busy person. They act like your diet 'assistant,' so to speak.

If someone asked me what I want, most of all, of everything, I'd have to say, 'To lose this weight.' If that is the thing that I want most of all, then why am I not doing it? Why isn't that my number one priority, over all the other stuff? Everyone has the same number of hours in the day, the same need for meals, the same cravings for snacks - maybe not my cravings, and maybe they don't make MY meals. But they all eat. They all move. They all sleep. What is getting in MY way and making me different from someone who handles these things, too - except they are slender?

That's the task - to figure that out. Because the details are furniture. As in 'rearranging the furniture.'
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Old 08-22-2011, 01:39 PM
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KATHY:

This is so true in the "forefront" of my mind: "the rewards that are driving you to achieve are greater than the rewards driving you to lose weight"

But this weekend, I tried to dig a bit deeper and think about immediate gratification rewards versus REAL REWARDS!!!!

And you are right -- I had to SLOOOWWWWW DOWWWWNNNNN -- way down, to do that. And this morning (see my posts on 7 day motivational thread), I remembered that one of the chief ways I do that, is to meditate.

I have a system. I pray and meditate for anywhere from 3-10 minutes and just focus on letting the world go, putting myself first and getting my TRUE desires out to the universe. What I keep focusing on right now is "God, give me ENOUGH" -- and letting the universe and the Gods and friends with their spiritual focus -- in those 3-10 minutes - help me understand what "enough" is. I have enough $$$ to pay my bills right now AND have healthy food in my fridge, which, just two months ago, I didn't. I have ENOUGH time to focus on all of my biz goals AND make time for my husband AND make time for my volunteer work AND make time for SELF-CARE!!! I proved that this weekend and I did a lot of focusing on the fact that if I put MORE time into things that make me healthier NOW, then the energy levels I used to have will return and I will work more efficiently, have better focus, and ultimately create MORE time for the things I need to have ENOUGH of.

So you are right -- I needed to SLOW DOWN to find the time to speed up. And I definitely need to remind myself that short term rewards are not as powerful or as REWARDING as longer-term rewards.

One of the ways I am doing that is to not only break up my to do list into priorities, but setting a system that goes like this: "priorties for HOUR ONE" of the work day. BREAK "priorities for hour two" of the workday" BREAK "Priorities for hour three of the work day "LUNCH", re assess, be more free form in the afternoon. Sounds weird and overly anal, I know, but I'm just trying it out and hoping it will help out my ADD issues because I will have specific goals for each hour to accomplish, but I will let the afternoon be mnore like my "go with the flow" ways so I am not over regimented.

But I'm excited for today and have almost done my 20 minutes of "blogging/journalling" and am off!

Later!
Ang
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Old 08-22-2011, 05:00 PM
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I wish I had it in front of me (I have the book somewhere), but I listened to Stephen Covey's 'First Things First' book on CD. I loved the demonstration he gave that illustrated prioritizing. It involves rocks and a jar. I can sort of describe the demonstration from memory, but this person does it better:

What Are Your Priorities? - Dale Kurow, Career & Executive Coach, New York

Meditating is great - and I can see that you use it to clarify, and slow down and focus. The Big Rock demonstration is about something else.

I'm a HUGE 'Top Chef' fan. Recently, I finished watching Season 5, in which Carla was my favorite contestant. Her meditating and calm attitude were really inspiring to me. (I don't have cable so I bought Season 5 on amazon instant video so it streams to me to watch whenever I want...) The other competitors all have their strengths and I love watching the challenges. They have 1) limited resources 2) limited time 3) their creativity and skills to give them that 'edge' and that is all. Sounds like life to me!
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Old 08-23-2011, 12:22 PM
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Kathy -- like the big rock analogy. Unfortunately, I started out great on big rocks, yesterday, then got side tracked a BIT by little rocks, but am up and at'em today!

JUst a quick check in, but I had so much fun last night. After lunch, the thought of a boring salad with chicken or grilled with steamed broc and a plain baked potato left me cold. SO, I remade a dish I have seen at a local deli. They always have these HUGEEEEEEEE potatoes with cheese, broccoli and chicken sauce piled on top. THey don't even look that appealing to me, but they inspired me.

I whisked a bit of flour and olive oil together and then added a cup of 1% milk and reduced to make a thick white sauce. I stirred in one slice of American light cheeseand 1 oz of low fat cheddar. Then I steamed a bag of brocolli and stirred 3/4 of that in. Then added 4 oz of chicken. I poured all of that over a reasonably sized baked potato (from the OVEN baked which is so much better than the micro-style) and had the BEST LIGHT MEAL ever. Whole thing was around 400 calories and OH, SO Satisfying.

I love "Making over" foods and forgot that I'm pretty good at it. It's definitely not a food for every day, but it was so nice and simple and had a "comfort food" feel to it that was nice at the end of a long day where I had ACHIEVED ALL OF MY FITNESS GOALS!!!!!!

Peace out.

Ang
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