Does anyone have tips on depression caused by your body image

Old 09-27-2010, 08:45 PM
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Default Does anyone have tips on depression caused by your body image

Recently, I have been subjected to several insults because of my body size. I fallen into a pretty bad depression. Uncontrollable crying, thoughts of suicide. Wishing I could disapear. I've dealt with this depression my whole life, but recently things have been feeling even worse.

A YOUNG child walking down the street called out to me "Hey Fatso!". A man walking down the street saying "Thar she blows" as I walk by. My cubicle neighbor requesting to move away from me because the sound of my eating is too distracting to for her to work effectively.

These are the things I have to deal with on top of my own self-hatred.
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:30 PM
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Red face

I was walking the other night, and a truckload of adults (only by age, not by behavior) drove by and yelled horrible things at me. "Go inside, fatso!" "Wide load", "Gross, look at that!" "Disgusting - you gonna eat that dog you're dragging?" (I was walking my dog) and I went home and cried. That was about five weeks ago. I didn't walk again for four weeks.

Letting people keep you from doing something to improve your health is not being fair to yourself. I decided I didn't want to be a victim. Instead, I walk to spite those types of idiots now. Pooey on them!

It is amazing how we can let what other people say effect us, and how little credit we sometimes give ourselves. I didn't realize I was strong enough to just let them be the idiots they were, and not to take it to heart. They are completely lacking in self-control or in the very behaviors your mother and my mother taught us were part of what made integrity and brought us into adulthood. Those people's words mean ZERO to me. They should mean zero to you also. They only see through very glass-eyed spectacles. They don't see who you are. They only see what is on the outside. Those people have opinions that mean nothing, imo.

I suffer depression also. I have been through what you are going through. The hardest thing is to seek help. It's worth it, though. If you are at that line of thought, where you think about suicide enough to come to a forum and post for help, then it tells me that you need to talk to someone.

Talk to a doctor about some medication. It's hard to say the words, at first (I need some medication for depression), but it's worth it. I am on Zoloft. I was on it five years, went off awhile, and am back on it now. Saved my life! Maybe there is something out there to help you with it, but either way, don't give up on becoming the best you can.

You aren't alone. Lots of us have other contributing factors, or we wouldn't be in the overweight situation we're in. Instead of running from those factors, examine them. Find out why they started.

I hope this helps.
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:44 PM
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Default Ouch!

There are two (okay, a bunch more than that) truths in this world...(1) People have an amazing capacity for insensitivity and stupidity, and (2) you can't change anyone but yourself.

Okay, so first and foremost, I'm going to jump in and encourage you to call a counselor, a therapist, a physician, a clergy member...someone with some professional experience, because true suicidal ideation is nothing to play around with. You need support, you deserve someone in your corner, and you are worth taking care of emotionally.

I realize that given my body image issues over the years, I am the world's biggest hypocrite saying this, but eventually you need to separate your self-worth from your physical appearance. Much easier said than done, I know, but a therapist can help you with that, too.

The thing about depression is that it is usually layers upon layers, not just one thing. Working through the layers is tough but very rewarding, and, like weight loss, success breeds success. Once you have some positive experiences, you will be more motivated to keep going and meeting challenges, both emotional and physical. I often tell people that therapy is like breaking your arm, but on a larger scale. It hurts when you do it; it hurts to have someone reset it, but it likely won't get better till you have someone work on it for you (or with you). It feels less overwhelming when you have someone to go through it with you, so please keep posting here and venting, or ask for what you need, just as you did today. Somehow that action says to me that deep down you believe you are worth it, so that's really encouraging. You are here because you are ready to make changes. I can't promise that it will be a steady climb up, but I am for shoot sure that you will get a lot of support and cheers along the way .

Take care of yourself. Sounds simple; it isn't, but please do so...
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:58 PM
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It is hard to get out the door and exercise. Having to do it while you feel that people are judging you is doubly hard. Imagine that the people that aren't saying anything are congratulating you.

For the kid that yelled, he obviously learned that from some adult in his life. Poor kid.

For the guys in the truck. Hey, you were out exercising and they were just sitting in the car. You were better than they were.

I had a brother-in-law that didn't like "fat chicks" and was very rude to a sister-in-law. The last picture I saw of him, he had gotten huge! Karma.

Just keep getting out the door and be proud of yourself every time you do.

Good luck and know you are doing the right things.
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Old 09-27-2010, 10:32 PM
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Default It isn't easy

Wow, do I know what it's like to hear other peoples rude comments (both to my face and under their breath just loud enough for me to hear) It does hurt. It can be like a traumatic image I see....just replaying over and over in my brain. It's easy to say just refocus your thoughts. It isn't easy to do. It's easy to say the namecallers are just rude insensitive clods. It isn't easy to be insensitive to their words. Truly, I think if I could've ignored them I would be the insensitive one. But you know what? I care...I care about myself and selfishly how others see me.
That's why we're at Fitday doing our best to lose the weight. It won't solve all our problems but it will help us feel better about ourselves.
In the meantime, I also recommend seeing a therapist. Talking about it (just like expressing your thoughts on this forum) is helpful. The support of others who are going through what you are ... Monitored medication is helpful too. Self medication is not. (Take it from someone who knows) Anyway, check in everyday....you have support here.
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Old 09-27-2010, 10:54 PM
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I'm so appalled at what they said! Karma will come right back at them, don't you worry one bit!

If it makes you feel any better, I've been asked if I was pregnant about 5 times over the past 4 years and I HAVE NO CHILDREN.

Ughhh, does that stink big time!
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Old 09-27-2010, 11:26 PM
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I may have heard this on these forums, I'm not sure, but best comeback I ever heard to those clods was "Be careful, or everyone will hear what an ugly personality you have." Sadly it's still OK to be openly hateful to fat people, because supposedly fat is a choice. Well, if it were as easy as "put down the fork", we wouldn't all be here now would we? All you can do is one step at a time, one day at a time. Find something you like about yourself to focus on. I probably spend more money than I should on my hair but you know what? I love my red hair and I love my salon highlights, I work my butt off at work and at home, and quite frankly I deserve something nice for myself! So once every 6 weeks my husband can deal with watching our son for 2-3 hours, mommy needs a break.

If you are feeling suicidal, seek help! It's only a phone book or google search away. I promise you, there are more good people in this world than bad. It's hard to see though because the bad ones make such a spectacle of themselves.
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:04 AM
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Just stumbled across this thread, and I thought I'd share a story I heard on TV once. Driving to work every morning, a man saw a very obese guy in baggy sweats walking along. He thought to himself "what a slob, how does one get to look like that etc, etc..." As the weeks and months went by, the driver came to respect and admire the walker who became a jogger. He observed the change in the man's body, and the way he carried himself. That walker became the inspiration for the driver to lose weight and get healthy.

So even though you are hearing and seeing people who put you down, stick with it, you ARE an inspiration for others.
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:50 AM
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I'm sorry to hear this, people don't understand how much they can hurt our feelings.
You are not the only one fighting this battle against excess weight, and you are not the only one hating yourself either... However, the thoughts of suicide are never to be ignored, I strongly suggest you to talk to someone about them, your doctor, your family or whoever can help you because they may take control over you and there's nothing more precious than our life.
You can lose weight whenever you decide you feel ready, time will come =)
*Hugs*
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Old 09-28-2010, 01:32 PM
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I remember once going to a really nice, upscale bar in my town. I had on my best outfit, my hair looked great, my nails were done, etc. And, as I am sitting there with my glass of wine by myself (my friends were late) and smiled at a nice-looking guy who smiled back at me. I felt flattered, and as I turned toward him he said to me "how many BigMacs did it take you to get that fat?" --

And that has stayed with me for a long time, but how I deal with it now is soooooo very different from that night. That night, I slinked out of the bar (called my friends with some excuse) and went home to cry -- not before picking up a huge bag of carb-porn from McDonalds to "make me feel better."

And I wish every day that I had said "I don't know how many big macs it took to make me this fat, but how many beatings from your parents did it take to make you this inhuman?"

That said -- I have a WONDERFUL COUNSELOR who helps me see clearly what the "monkey chatter" in my head that says I'm less valuable because of my weight is, really. It's a combination of irrational thoughts that my past, society and all SORTS of factors have helped me be conditioned to think. So we have a method. WHen those sad, or negative thoughts come in to my head, I divide a page in two. On one side I write them all down (acknowleding them). YEsterday it was: "I've so screwed up my metabolism I'll never lose weight again, I am fat so my business is failing and I am fat so my husband doesn't love me." Then I came HERE and posted before tackling the the other side where I write RATIONAL responses to all my negative thoughts. Yesterday, the forum helped me realize that "it took time for my body to get this way, it will take time to get back my momentum. Everyone in this economy is suffering business issues. And my weight may be a reflection of a difficult marriage rather than the other way around."

So -- I recommend you do the same. Write down all the STUFF you are feeling right now, the dig deep to find rational responses. Those "creatures" who spoke to you must have some serious emotional disturbances. Your cubicle neighbor -- well, let's just say it -- she's a b&tch (and you should show them all by munching on really crunchy veggies all day while the pounds melt away).

And I also recommend, if you can afford it, a good counselor/therapist/life coach. It has been a LIFESAVER for me -- and I never "believed" in therapy, boy was I wrong!

Lastly -- I have found that when I am truly depressed that regular VIGOROUS exercise combats it -- it is as effective FOR ME (not everyone -- sometimes medication is the RIGHT, RIGHT choice!!) as any medication I've tried (and I've tried them all). I know that right now, overcoming the desire to hide is going to be hard, but you can do it.

I'm sending warm thoughts your way and THANK you for coming here. Your story has helped us all feel that we can give back by sharing our experiences, which is healing for us. You gave us a gift, now please let us give back by taking as much of the good advice here as you can.

Please let us know how you are doing.

ANg
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