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waynegretzky 05-22-2010 05:40 PM

Motivation for our daughter
Hi everyone just looking for input and ideas on what to do. Both myself and my wife have been losing weight and living very healthy now for the last 6 months. I have dropped 65lbs and my wife has lost 50lbs. She has about 15 left to go and i still have 50 more to lose.

We would love for our 22 year old daughter to start in this too. She is living with her boyfriend and has a 1 year old daughter. She is easily 100lbs overweight.

She shows interest in it but only momentarily and finds excuses why she can't lose weight. Her boyfriend is skinny as can be and works at a high energy job so that is her main reasoning is that he needs lots of food day to day.

She is very happy for us though and she does always mention how she would like to lose .... just she is not ready to count calories... or she doesn't like any vegetables... she has all the reasons.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how we can help her get started on this journey?

m3rma1d 05-22-2010 05:43 PM

Hate to sound discouraging, but she'll only do it when SHE is truly ready.
That doesn't mean you can't invite her on a hike or some other physical activity, or maybe over to your house for a healthy meal... But if she resists, there's really nothing you can do.

blackrhino2 05-22-2010 05:49 PM

I think that eventually she will come around. It just might take a few years. People are resistant to change so maybe if she continues to see you walking the healthy lifestyle she will eventually feel empowered to do so herself. It is very psychological and it's hard to get our minds to change.

Great job on you and your wife's weight loss and for setting good examples for your daughter and grand baby. Keep it up!! :)

waynegretzky 05-23-2010 04:06 AM

Thank you for your replies :))

M3rma1D... no worries you are not discouraging at all. I already figured that but was hoping i might be missing something easy. She lives a couple hours away from us otherwise i would get her involved with us more.

Blackrhino... We assume that one day us being healthy will help her decide to change. That is all we have to go on right now. And thank you for the compliments, it is feeling really good for us too :))

mtlgirl 05-23-2010 12:26 PM

waynegretzky, I have to agree with m3rma1d, your daughter will lose the weight only when she decides she can take control of her own life and the decision is hers alone.

I was only slightly overweight as a child but my mother restricted my food as early as the age of 7 for me. She constantly tried to motivate me to exercise and watch what I eat and by the time I was a teenager I really resented her for that. As a result I gained about 10 pounds every year. By the time I graduated high school I was 40 pounds overweight. Today I am 55 pounds overweight and have gained and lost the weight many times over. This is because it's an all-out obsession for me.

Now your daughter is an adult already but I am assuming she has had a weight problem for a while. I personally believe that the strongest impact you can make on her psychologically is to keep going and reach your goal. Live by example. Your vitality and your fitness will be more inspiring to her than anything you can say. When your daughter sees you and your wife slipping into smaller more stylish clothes and feeling great about yourselves she won't be able to resist wanting that for herself.

I am worried that your mere suggestions to her that she try to lost weight will hurt and anger her. She may subconsciously put more weight on if she gets resentful. I may be totally wrong here, it's just been my experience and I was constantly "encouraged" at a much younger age. One thing is obvious though, your love for your daughter comes through in your post. I think she's lucky to have a dad like you.

Best of luck with your continued success!

waynegretzky 05-23-2010 06:01 PM

Thank you for the reply Mtlgirl. As of now we haven't been suggesting to her just for that reason of that it might make her mad and upset.

She has given some hints that she wants what we have that is why i was hoping that there might be something that i can help with her decision...we are so worried about her long term health.

We will continue on and hope that our example is what she needs the most :)

almeeker 05-24-2010 01:58 PM

I'm going to throw out a completely different suggestion here. I think you can encourage her, especially if she's willing to hear it. I also think if you want to encourage her you might try giving her the gift of exercise. What about buying her a family pass to the local recreation center? Or maybe she would love a new piece of workout equipment. Seriously when you have a little one, working out takes some serious effort and usually expense because you have to pay a babysitter. But if she had a new stationary bike or an elliptical in her house, she might use it, or maybe just a couple of new workout videos, or a Wii Fit Plus. The other thing you might try is to buy her exercise classes that she can take her baby to, like water babies or Mommy & Me, Family Yoga or even Kindermusik. You might also organize a "Biggest Loser" contest for friends and family with a cash prize for the winners.

waynegretzky 05-24-2010 03:43 PM

Those are great ideas!! She did mention a friend of hers lost a lot of weight using WiiFit and she has also mentioned that if she ever found a treadmill cheap she would like to get one.

Just recently they did go swimming and she was telling us how much the baby loved the water so i am going to look into that also! Thanks and have a great weight losing week!!

Wylie7 05-25-2010 03:12 PM

Waynegretzky (he was - and still is - a hometown hero from my childhood :) ),

I was in the same position as your daughter 6 months ago, with less weight to lose. I had all the same excuses, and I would still have the same excuses if I didn't work or get out of the house without the children. I had very little help and was with my children 24/7, despite having a supportive husband. I also suffered post partum depression, which made me want to sit on the couch and eat, and made it very difficult to get any motivation whatsoever.

Are you able to go to your daughter's house once a week so she can get out on her own? She may not exercise when she's out, but she will likely feel better about herself and get some more motivation to lead a healthier lifestyle. That's all it took for me.

Congrats on your weight loss!

SkinnyErinn 05-25-2010 04:22 PM

God knows I have tried to motivate my family to live healthier, and most of the time I just feel alone and like I am rowing a FULL lifeboat all by myself.
I think Almeeker's ideas are awesome (her ideas usually are), so I will add a little bit more here, not for exercise but for food.
1. We purchased an Alhambra water dispenser and water service, which has amazingly motivated everyone to drink more water.
2. Low cal cookbooks for busy moms are AWESOME. They show fast, inexpensive receipes that are relatively healthy, which might keep them out of the fast food lane.
3. Due my healthy eating, my friends and family know that I will NOT go off of my eating plan. Not for Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog Day or any other "special occasion." The great thing that's happened is that if other people host, their cooking is so much more healthful. If I host, people come over EXCITED about a delicious, homecooked and healthful meal.
Could you do the same for your special occasions? Host her family, and have an organic, lean meal with lots of veggies, etc? I understand that you live several hours away, so just make sure to make a big impact when you do get together. Also talk about your struggles! It may make her feel more human.
Oh, and one last idea - as Grandpa, you may feel compelled to always have treats in your fridge or pockets for your grandbaby. Keep fresh fruits and veggies for the baby. Get a sippy cup and instead of juice, put a little crystal light in it. My 1 year old son LOVES it, it keeps him hydrated with zero calories and no sugar. Give her PB&J on 100% whole grain bread.
We have 1 rule regarding meals (no matter who's house): you NEVER have to clean your plate, but you are required to finish your veggies. So, my 7 year old has learned to eat them first. We've taught her "priority eating." Where she will eat the protein and veggies first and leave the "filler" (carbs) for last.

Good luck, but I think your best bet will be to lead by example, don't pressure but be honest and open.

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