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waynegretzky 05-22-2010 04:40 AM

Motivation for our daughter
 
Hi everyone just looking for input and ideas on what to do. Both myself and my wife have been losing weight and living very healthy now for the last 6 months. I have dropped 65lbs and my wife has lost 50lbs. She has about 15 left to go and i still have 50 more to lose.

We would love for our 22 year old daughter to start in this too. She is living with her boyfriend and has a 1 year old daughter. She is easily 100lbs overweight.

She shows interest in it but only momentarily and finds excuses why she can't lose weight. Her boyfriend is skinny as can be and works at a high energy job so that is her main reasoning is that he needs lots of food day to day.

She is very happy for us though and she does always mention how she would like to lose .... just she is not ready to count calories... or she doesn't like any vegetables... she has all the reasons.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how we can help her get started on this journey?

m3rma1d 05-22-2010 04:43 AM

Hate to sound discouraging, but she'll only do it when SHE is truly ready.
That doesn't mean you can't invite her on a hike or some other physical activity, or maybe over to your house for a healthy meal... But if she resists, there's really nothing you can do.

blackrhino2 05-22-2010 04:49 AM

I think that eventually she will come around. It just might take a few years. People are resistant to change so maybe if she continues to see you walking the healthy lifestyle she will eventually feel empowered to do so herself. It is very psychological and it's hard to get our minds to change.

Great job on you and your wife's weight loss and for setting good examples for your daughter and grand baby. Keep it up!! :)

waynegretzky 05-22-2010 03:06 PM

Thank you for your replies :))

M3rma1D... no worries you are not discouraging at all. I already figured that but was hoping i might be missing something easy. She lives a couple hours away from us otherwise i would get her involved with us more.

Blackrhino... We assume that one day us being healthy will help her decide to change. That is all we have to go on right now. And thank you for the compliments, it is feeling really good for us too :))

mtlgirl 05-22-2010 11:26 PM

waynegretzky, I have to agree with m3rma1d, your daughter will lose the weight only when she decides she can take control of her own life and the decision is hers alone.

I was only slightly overweight as a child but my mother restricted my food as early as the age of 7 for me. She constantly tried to motivate me to exercise and watch what I eat and by the time I was a teenager I really resented her for that. As a result I gained about 10 pounds every year. By the time I graduated high school I was 40 pounds overweight. Today I am 55 pounds overweight and have gained and lost the weight many times over. This is because it's an all-out obsession for me.

Now your daughter is an adult already but I am assuming she has had a weight problem for a while. I personally believe that the strongest impact you can make on her psychologically is to keep going and reach your goal. Live by example. Your vitality and your fitness will be more inspiring to her than anything you can say. When your daughter sees you and your wife slipping into smaller more stylish clothes and feeling great about yourselves she won't be able to resist wanting that for herself.

I am worried that your mere suggestions to her that she try to lost weight will hurt and anger her. She may subconsciously put more weight on if she gets resentful. I may be totally wrong here, it's just been my experience and I was constantly "encouraged" at a much younger age. One thing is obvious though, your love for your daughter comes through in your post. I think she's lucky to have a dad like you.

Best of luck with your continued success!

waynegretzky 05-23-2010 05:01 AM

Thank you for the reply Mtlgirl. As of now we haven't been suggesting to her just for that reason of that it might make her mad and upset.

She has given some hints that she wants what we have that is why i was hoping that there might be something that i can help with her decision...we are so worried about her long term health.

We will continue on and hope that our example is what she needs the most :)

almeeker 05-24-2010 12:58 AM

I'm going to throw out a completely different suggestion here. I think you can encourage her, especially if she's willing to hear it. I also think if you want to encourage her you might try giving her the gift of exercise. What about buying her a family pass to the local recreation center? Or maybe she would love a new piece of workout equipment. Seriously when you have a little one, working out takes some serious effort and usually expense because you have to pay a babysitter. But if she had a new stationary bike or an elliptical in her house, she might use it, or maybe just a couple of new workout videos, or a Wii Fit Plus. The other thing you might try is to buy her exercise classes that she can take her baby to, like water babies or Mommy & Me, Family Yoga or even Kindermusik. You might also organize a "Biggest Loser" contest for friends and family with a cash prize for the winners.

waynegretzky 05-24-2010 02:43 AM

Those are great ideas!! She did mention a friend of hers lost a lot of weight using WiiFit and she has also mentioned that if she ever found a treadmill cheap she would like to get one.

Just recently they did go swimming and she was telling us how much the baby loved the water so i am going to look into that also! Thanks and have a great weight losing week!!

Wylie7 05-25-2010 02:12 AM

Waynegretzky (he was - and still is - a hometown hero from my childhood :) ),

I was in the same position as your daughter 6 months ago, with less weight to lose. I had all the same excuses, and I would still have the same excuses if I didn't work or get out of the house without the children. I had very little help and was with my children 24/7, despite having a supportive husband. I also suffered post partum depression, which made me want to sit on the couch and eat, and made it very difficult to get any motivation whatsoever.

Are you able to go to your daughter's house once a week so she can get out on her own? She may not exercise when she's out, but she will likely feel better about herself and get some more motivation to lead a healthier lifestyle. That's all it took for me.

Congrats on your weight loss!

SkinnyErinn 05-25-2010 03:22 AM

God knows I have tried to motivate my family to live healthier, and most of the time I just feel alone and like I am rowing a FULL lifeboat all by myself.
I think Almeeker's ideas are awesome (her ideas usually are), so I will add a little bit more here, not for exercise but for food.
1. We purchased an Alhambra water dispenser and water service, which has amazingly motivated everyone to drink more water.
2. Low cal cookbooks for busy moms are AWESOME. They show fast, inexpensive receipes that are relatively healthy, which might keep them out of the fast food lane.
3. Due my healthy eating, my friends and family know that I will NOT go off of my eating plan. Not for Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Arbor Day, Groundhog Day or any other "special occasion." The great thing that's happened is that if other people host, their cooking is so much more healthful. If I host, people come over EXCITED about a delicious, homecooked and healthful meal.
Could you do the same for your special occasions? Host her family, and have an organic, lean meal with lots of veggies, etc? I understand that you live several hours away, so just make sure to make a big impact when you do get together. Also talk about your struggles! It may make her feel more human.
Oh, and one last idea - as Grandpa, you may feel compelled to always have treats in your fridge or pockets for your grandbaby. Keep fresh fruits and veggies for the baby. Get a sippy cup and instead of juice, put a little crystal light in it. My 1 year old son LOVES it, it keeps him hydrated with zero calories and no sugar. Give her PB&J on 100% whole grain bread.
We have 1 rule regarding meals (no matter who's house): you NEVER have to clean your plate, but you are required to finish your veggies. So, my 7 year old has learned to eat them first. We've taught her "priority eating." Where she will eat the protein and veggies first and leave the "filler" (carbs) for last.

Good luck, but I think your best bet will be to lead by example, don't pressure but be honest and open.

anderson02 05-25-2010 04:59 AM


Originally Posted by waynegretzky (Post 11630)
Those are great ideas!! She did mention a friend of hers lost a lot of weight using WiiFit and she has also mentioned that if she ever found a treadmill cheap she would like to get one.

Just recently they did go swimming and she was telling us how much the baby loved the water so i am going to look into that also! Thanks and have a great weight losing week!!

I read that you guys are a couple hours apart. What if you sprung for a cheap treadmill and then planned to train for a family 5k walk somewhere between your locations. She can even bring the baby in a stroller. That way she not only has the tool (treadmill) but something to look forward to (time with you guys) and a goal (5K) to work towards.

montanacricket 05-25-2010 05:12 AM

I've been in her shoes...it took me finally making the hard choice to find the time to schedule exercise even if it IS 4:30 in the morning!!!


Originally Posted by mtlgirl (Post 11553)
I was only slightly overweight as a child but my mother restricted my food as early as the age of 7 for me. She constantly tried to motivate me to exercise and watch what I eat and by the time I was a teenager I really resented her for that. As a result I gained about 10 pounds every year.

I am worried that your mere suggestions to her that she try to lost weight will hurt and anger her. She may subconsciously put more weight on if she gets resentful. I may be totally wrong here, it's just been my experience and I was constantly "encouraged" at a much younger age. One thing is obvious though, your love for your daughter comes through in your post. I think she's lucky to have a dad like you.

Best of luck with your continued success!

I agree with all of this...I came from a "clean your plate" family and was the youngest of 4 and I think had mom and dad left me the heck alone on my "picky" eating, that I probably wouldn't be struggling to the degree I am. Not only was it "clean your plate" but it was "clean your plate or I'll give you more and you will SIT there until you FINISH it all". :( I know that had a lot to do with my reward/punishment mentality when it comes to food.



Originally Posted by anderson02 (Post 11756)
I read that you guys are a couple hours apart. What if you sprung for a cheap treadmill and then planned to train for a family 5k walk somewhere between your locations. She can even bring the baby in a stroller. That way she not only has the tool (treadmill) but something to look forward to (time with you guys) and a goal (5K) to work towards.



This is a fabulous idea!!! Does she have a really high quality jogging type stroller for the little one?

RunbikeSki 05-25-2010 10:10 AM

I really have nothing to add except admiration for all of your outstanding ideas! You all are speaking from the heart and from experience and have given all of us viewers such great ideas! Thanks a bunch (of bananas, that is! ;) )

waynegretzky 05-27-2010 02:33 AM


Originally Posted by blackrhino2 (Post 11515)
I think that eventually she will come around. It just might take a few years. People are resistant to change so maybe if she continues to see you walking the healthy lifestyle she will eventually feel empowered to do so herself. It is very psychological and it's hard to get our minds to change.

Great job on you and your wife's weight loss and for setting good examples for your daughter and grand baby. Keep it up!! :)


Originally Posted by Wylie7 (Post 11734)
Waynegretzky (he was - and still is - a hometown hero from my childhood :) ),

I was in the same position as your daughter 6 months ago, with less weight to lose. I had all the same excuses, and I would still have the same excuses if I didn't work or get out of the house without the children. I had very little help and was with my children 24/7, despite having a supportive husband.

Thank you for the ideas :) She doesn't get out of the house much as she also babysits two other children besides her own daughter now. It is very tough to get down there every week for us.

Another problem is she doesn't really have a supportive partner/spouse. He will bring home junk food regardless.

waynegretzky 05-27-2010 02:38 AM


Originally Posted by SkinnyErinn (Post 11744)
Could you do the same for your special occasions? Host her family, and have an organic, lean meal with lots of veggies, etc? I understand that you live several hours away, so just make sure to make a big impact when you do get together. Also talk about your struggles! It may make her feel more human.
Oh, and one last idea - as Grandpa, you may feel compelled to always have treats in your fridge or pockets for your grandbaby. Keep fresh fruits and veggies for the baby. Get a sippy cup and instead of juice, put a little crystal light in it. My 1 year old son LOVES it, it keeps him hydrated with zero calories and no sugar. Give her PB&J on 100% whole grain bread.
We have 1 rule regarding meals (no matter who's house): you NEVER have to clean your plate, but you are required to finish your veggies. So, my 7 year old has learned to eat them first. We've taught her "priority eating." Where she will eat the protein and veggies first and leave the "filler" (carbs) for last.

Good luck, but I think your best bet will be to lead by example, don't pressure but be honest and open.

Some great thoughts there Erinn, thank you. When she is here she struggles as we "have nothing in the fridge". She hates cooking too so that makes it even harder for her.

Since we have gone healthy, there are no unhealthy foods in our house period!! No treats, no cookies, no chocolates! Of course we are still losing weight too so that would not be good!

I am really counting on leading by example and talking about it lots too. Thank you so much for your help.

waynegretzky 05-27-2010 02:41 AM


Originally Posted by anderson02 (Post 11756)
I read that you guys are a couple hours apart. What if you sprung for a cheap treadmill and then planned to train for a family 5k walk somewhere between your locations. She can even bring the baby in a stroller. That way she not only has the tool (treadmill) but something to look forward to (time with you guys) and a goal (5K) to work towards.

I have been checking out now for a decent used treadmill. I am thinking that she shows interest, i might as well spend 150 dollars or so and try.

The only thing is that i have some negativity towards buying her more stuff. She has destroyed anything we have given her.... cars, computers, lawn chairs, so i am trying to get over that and tell myself that i can't put a price on good health. Thank you very much for your help.:)

waynegretzky 05-27-2010 02:44 AM


Originally Posted by montanacricket (Post 11757)
This is a fabulous idea!!! Does she have a really high quality jogging type stroller for the little one?

Yes she does but sadly laziness always wins over :( If she can't drive in her car, she doesn't go.

waynegretzky 05-27-2010 02:46 AM


Originally Posted by RunbikeSki (Post 11779)
I really have nothing to add except admiration for all of your outstanding ideas! You all are speaking from the heart and from experience and have given all of us viewers such great ideas! Thanks a bunch (of bananas, that is! ;) )

Well said :) and yes i admire it also!! So much support it is outstanding!! Thank you very much to everyone :)

EMS1981 05-27-2010 05:56 PM

Congrats on all your weight loss. I truly believe that an individual changes when they are ready to do it. If you read through many of the posts in the forums you'll find that people took initiative when something finally clicked inside themselves. However, like many others here I do agree that you can encourage family activities but please don't be like my parents were with me and be critical. I hope your daughter comes around and sees how much healthier her parents are becoming and realizes that she should change for herself. Good luck! :D

almeeker 05-28-2010 01:28 PM


Originally Posted by waynegretzky (Post 11630)
Those are great ideas!! She did mention a friend of hers lost a lot of weight using WiiFit and she has also mentioned that if she ever found a treadmill cheap she would like to get one.

Just recently they did go swimming and she was telling us how much the baby loved the water so i am going to look into that also! Thanks and have a great weight losing week!!

You're welcome, but I can't take the credit for those ideas. Most of those things are what my parents did for me. One year for Christmas they bought us a family pass to the Community Rec Center, and we've renewed it ever since. The kids love that place. My mom also paid for water baby classes for our kids, and now they are all on the swim club. One year for my birthday they bought me a stationary bike, and they've loaned me countless workout DVD's, usually I'm not allowed to borrow them until my folks can do the whole thing, but I'm a patient woman (well sort of). I will say the Wii Fit Plus was my husband's idea, and personally I love it. It's fun and it really doesn't feel like working out, it feels like playing. It was also an "ah-ha" moment for me when it told me on Christmas morning that I weighed twice what I should. And on treadmills, be prepared to spend a little extra. We actually ended up with an elliptical, because the treadmill I liked cost 3 times more than the elliptical that felt "just right". You might find a used one for a reasonable price, but don't buy anything until you've given it a test run. You should have seen me out shopping for the elliptical, I wore workout clothes and I bet I went 10 miles that day. I was so tired and sweaty at the end, but it was worth it. I love our elliptical, and because I love it, I use it - almost every day. Good luck, it takes time and dedication to motivate someone else.

Another thing that motivated me to get in better shape was a friend of mine. She was like me, in her 40's, chubby and not too worried about it. And then all of a sudden she heard a voice in her head that said "Why don't you run a 5K?". It's a long story, but she thinks it was the angel of another friend that had recently died of breast cancer. So she looked up how to train for a 5K and got started. She consequently dragged all her co-workers with her. That was 2 years ago, and now she's planning to run the New York Marathon this fall. And all the co-workers are now a running team and I think they call themselves "Losing It", or something. They've all lost weight and look fantastic. So I figured if they can do it, so can I.

So how do you feel about running a 5K?

waynegretzky 05-28-2010 05:44 PM


Originally Posted by almeeker (Post 12074)
So how do you feel about running a 5K?

So funny i just started running last week!! I need to find a 5k close to her and then her mom can walk with her too!:)


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