Teenagers!!!!!!

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Old 07-08-2011, 03:29 AM
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Default Teenagers!!!!!!

My teenage girls are going to drive me literally INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!! Had such a great day, worked out, ate well...then BOOM PMS on wheels with these teenagers...the 3 squares of dark chocolate and glass of red wine are not even touching this stress tonight. Wish I could just leave for a jog or go to a friends when they stress me like this...but not an option because I also have a 6 year old who needs me and am a single Mom and no where to go (in the past...the only place was the cupboard). How do you change that?? How do you manage these stresses that just will not go away. Wow this is so hard to keep on track.
Am I ever gonna win this battle?

Michele
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:01 AM
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I'm not a parent, and have no experiance whatsoever, but maybe you could take the 6 year old with you for a walk?
Or do you have a close friend you could get to babysit so you get some "me" time?
I'm not saying palm him off every day or anything, but maybe 2 or 3 hours a week you could set aside for going for a walk, having a relaxing bath, or whatever else de-stresses you?
Or are your teenagers old / mature enough to babysit for you? If you offer to pay them a small amount an hour it might instill some maturity in them, and also it shows you're treating them as adults?
Like I said, I've no experiance, these are just some things that came to mind. Of course, I don't know your financial situation, some of those things might not be an option for you.

No doubt the mums (moms??) of the board will come out with more ideas for you. In the mean time, hang in there, I already think you're pretty special for looking after at least 3 'kids' on your own, go girl!
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Old 07-08-2011, 01:48 PM
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Thanks wow girl, ya it was a rough night but I got thru it without bingeing from stress. I ended up calling my sister and venting for a bit. I talked to my ex and he said he will pay for a babysitter to help up for a couple hours during the week while i go to water aerobics, because the teens just refuse to be responsible enough and i don't want 6 year old dealing with their crap. Since they can't be responsible that just limits their privileges this summer. I am at a point of zero tolerance!

It is hard being a single parent...especially when i have to lay down the law all the time, just need to work on my frustration/stress of doing it all alone and deal with it in a more positive way.

I just moved to a city far away from my friends so it has been hard reconnecting with other adults with similar interests. I'm thinking of joining a gym that has a kid's centre to give myself a break. My ex is really good to me, so maybe I will ask him if he'd pay for a club membership, babysitters can get expensive.
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Old 07-08-2011, 02:14 PM
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Hi Michele, congrats on handling the situation so gracefully and without bingeing! I totally agree, teenagers are a whole 'nother animal, with no rhyme or reason to their madness. Parenting them is a bumpy ride, no doubt about it. I have one, a boy, but my job is working with them, and I can say that it is never what you expect and can leave you feeling like you are clueless.

I know this post is after you already have the situation resolved, but I just wanted to say I think you did great and you did exactly what you needed to do. You figured out a way to get a break for yourself and preserve your sanity...I know it sounds like a cliche, but putting yourself first sometimes makes you a better parent to them. Just keep in mind that with teenagers (and anybody), you have very little control over what they do, but you have complete charge over how you react to it. I think you did awesome and I'm glad things worked out for you.
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Old 07-08-2011, 02:26 PM
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I am a mom, so although I don't have all the answers I have some experience in this arena. Since you don't say what the exact problem is, I'm going to second the advice from wowgirl88, give them more responsibility in hopes of developing some maturity. One of your comments concerns me, you say they just refuse to be responsible? Um, being responsible is not "optional". IMO they are part of the household and therefore must assume some responsibilities. Unless you are dealing with a teen that is mentally, emotionally or physically impaired, taking on responsibility is not optional, as a member of the household it is REQUIRED. I know that it is difficult to put up with the crap and disrespect (and usually easier just to do it yourself), however if they are not inclined to be responsible, then unfortunately it is your job to teach it to them. Tough love and all that.

Our oldest is 9, but she is naturally a lazy dog of a human. She and I have conversations almost every day about how a household takes a lot of work to maintain, and that as a member of this house she too must participate in the workload. And when she carries her end of the workload then we will have a little more time to do fun things together as a family, and when she doesn't then it's all left to mom which makes me mad, tired and much too busy to help her with anything. Even still I have to ride her back to get her chores done, not that she has that many, if she buckled down they would take maybe 20-30min/day total. But I digress.

BTW I think you did very well in not diving into the chocolate and chips, and arranging a regular break is a very very good idea. My DH takes the kids every so often out to the movies, which is a nice little break for mom. Hey maybe the teenagers would take the 6 year old to the show and you could go for a walk. Just a thought.

Last edited by almeeker; 07-08-2011 at 02:30 PM.
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Old 08-11-2011, 04:01 PM
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Default tips for talking to teens

Here goes a tried and tested tip...

Don't get into any yes / no conversations with them... it will stress you out when you get the wrong reply! Try this instead...
Are you tidying your room before I cook supper or whilst I cook supper?

So this infers they will be tidying their room, the fact supper is mentioned means they know you are going to feed them when they have tidied their room [it is a win win situation]

This question cannot be answered yes/no... go on try it...

So if you think of all the other things they don't do that you want them to do try putting some questions that are win win for you all...

Responding to requests when they want something... try this
I need to go into town will you take me? [teen]

Yes, I can take you into town when the dishes are washed and dried [you]

I need to go now! [teen]

Ok, you do the dishes and I will pop upstairs and get ready, meet you at the car in 5min then... [you]


these are just two examples but I have hundreds... I have kids aged 27,18,17,16 and it works about 80% of the time

have a go... or if you want help get in touch and I will help with more specific issues...

Jules
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