Would you give chocolate as a gift?
 

My husband loves sweets especially chocolate and rarely gives up desert. I think he eats at least one candy bar a day. His favorite breakfast is donuts or chocolate croissant with hot chocolate (whole-fat milk) and whipped cream. He would love to get big candy bars as gifts.

I eat much differently than him and I am always watching what I am eating. One day he went to a bookstore and decided to buy me something and bought me a large box of chocolates. I didn't want to have it in the house because it was something I liked and I knew I would finish it. I didn't want to throw it away because it would seem rude, unappreciative and wasteful. I tried to eat only a few, but ate the whole box and then hated myself. I have told him that I don't want him to give me chocolates. Easter is going to be challenging again. He has already bought himself and our son a solid chocolate rabbit.

His father's birthday was last month and eventhough he is borderline diabetic, my husband bought him a bunch of candy.

We just got back from a trip and he wanted to buy the people who watched our dog a big box of chocolates. I reminded him that the woman was pregnant and might not be eating chocolate. I also tried to tell him that not all people appreciated getting chocolate. He just rolls his eyes at me and implies that because I am always "dieting", I am the strange one.

I would like to know what others think about getting and giving sweets as gifts and what you do about it.

I personally wouldn't buy anyone food as a gift. But it seems like your husband really is just trying to be sweet. Literally ;). Anyways I have this problem with my mom as well, and when she buys cookies, or candies, I ask her "Mom, please can you keep this in your room for me?" and now she keeps most of the bad foods in her room. Even if it's a gift you don't have to eat it. Tell your husband "thanks, this is very nice of you but I really can't be eating this" or you can just throw it out secretly and lie and say you ate it. "all gone :)" One thing I also think you need to do is have a long chat with him. Tell him exactly how you feel after eating his chocolates and candies. Also tell him how hard it is for you to lose weight and that you need to be healthy. Maybe you'll need to be tough with him on this and say "if you buy this for me, I'll have to throw it out". He needs to be supportive. You need to demand your needs sometimes for people to get it.

My mom can have 100 chocolates in her room for a year. Slowly taking 1 every once in a while. If someone gives me 100 chocolates, I'll have none left the next day. So obviously I need to say NO CHOCOLATES AROUND ME OR I'LL GAIN A MILLION POUNDS! She doesn't understand why I need to eat them all at once. Maybe your husband also just doesn't understand.

Anyways don't feel bad for throwing out junk-foods, you aren't gaining any nutrition from it in your body whether you eat it or not. If it hurts your husbands feelings, I'm sorry but maybe that's what it will take for him to realize how important this is to you. Maybe he'll finally get it. Good luck, hope this helps a little.

Our family does give chocolate as gifts, but generally only at Christmas time and we make them ourselves, so the boxes aren't huge and the items are not something you can buy just anywhere. When it comes to his family I wouldn't interfere, if he thinks it's an okay gift, chances are they do to. But when it comes to giving you chocolates you might suggest he buy you something that he can't resist, so then you can share it (cuts the calories in half right?). Another thing you might try is to suddenly develop a taste for very expensive chocolates in hopes that he'll only spend so much. Or you might drag him out shopping and show him exactly what you want that isn't chocolate, a nice big piece of jewelry is always better than a box of bonbons.

My rule about giving gifts is to give people what they like and want, not what I (the giver) may like and want.

To give chocolate to a person who is trying to avoid it or is pregnant or diabetic isn't necessarily deliberately hurtful, it's just not thinking about the recipient.

Next time DH gives you a big box of chocolates, bring it to the office or open it up for guests. Easter will be a challenge but if he is buying it for himself and your child, you must try to resist. Have something on hand that you like: a treat that you feel OK about eating.

When your birthday or the holidays roll around, hand DH a list of reasonably priced easily acquired things you would like, whatever they are: books, candles, workout tapes, whatever.

And know that many of us are in the same boat. My teenage daughter is at least 30 pounds overweight and has always had problems with her weight. Over the years, I have asked a dear friend not to give her chocolate or candy as gifts. "Oh but it's the holidays, her birthday, etc." It's always something. If I can intercept it, I give it away or else I toss it (without the friend's or DD's knowledge.) My daughter's health and well being are more important to me than being courteous to someone who ignores my expressed wishes, even though I know she loves my daugher and means her no harm. What do they say? The path to hell is paved with good intentions. If DH still gives you chocolate, give it away or throw it away outside the house and tell him you put it to good use but hey for next time there's a belt you like that would look much better on your hips.

Yeah, I agree. I don't think he's necessarily trying to be "subversive" (though I find the point about 'always dieting' to be a little insensitive) -- I think he just loves chocolate, and assumes that others love it as well. Spreading the chocolate love!

The deal I have with my BF is that he can buy any treats he wants, as long as I don't like them too. I'm lucky in that I don't have a big sweet tooth, so there can be cookies and candies around the house; I just don't want them. But if he were to buy, say -- chips, or cheezy crackers, or Doritos, we'd have problems!

I like almeeker's suggestion of "splitting" the boxes, buying you something that he likes himself, etc. Or, instead of saying to him "You just don't understand! I Need This!" try saying something like "I appreciate that you want to do nice things for me, and I love that you're thinking of me, but what I'd really like is..." and then list whatever you'd want, be it flowers or some nice jewelry...or a blender! :D Guys can be a little thick-skulled when it comes to presents. Most of the time it's about the gesture, and not the chocolates. I hope you guys come to a nice conclusion and a compromise or solution that works for you.

Would you give chocolate as a gift?
Yes, I give it to my wife all the time... Although in 20 years of marriage I've only given it as a give to friends just a few times. Normally it's the stuff that is on sale after a Holiday that been discounted 50%-74%... LOL

It's not the cost that counts, it's that thought enough to get it for them, right... So what if I saved some money on it... lol

Wrong! And that is why I don't give chocolate as a gift to any one but my wife.

Some men think chocolate is a romantic gift, and it kind of is if it's presented nicely. Instead, maybe you could drop some hints about how elegant and pretty you'll feel after he sends you to that beautiful Spa down the street. Which could be a gift to both of you... (blush).

In terms of your situation - if your husband loves dessert that much, I agree it's possible he just thinks you're missing out; that food is love, and sweet food especially sweet love. It sounds like he doesn't fully understand or appreciate the principles of healthy eating. Also, that it might just be easier for him to have a standby gift. Maybe he's a little thoughtless, but - I know this is a huge generalization - I've met only a few men who are careful in that way, and really, most of them are gay.

(I was recently horrified by my very own brother, who offered to share a plate with an acquaintance and then ate over her half, which like his, was directly under his mouth. Garh, I don't know, honestly, I've been struggling with the whole man issue a lot lately ... I recently ended a long-term, bad relationship, and my best friend is having marital problems. The two men in question make it very easy to slip into misandry. I do think that if you've got to live with one, it's better to accept his limitations than to drive yourself crazy with frustration. To stop expecting him to think like you, and just do what needs doing for yourself. In this case, I guess that could mean putting them in the trunk of your car until you can bring them to work to pawn off on your colleagues, where you'll look greedy if you have more than a few.)

As for whether I give people chocolates - yes, on occasion, if I know the person likes them or isn't diabetic. I tend to get the smaller boxes of posh dark chocolates (well, posh for me), which are much harder to binge on than milk choc.

My ex used to give me chocolates when I was dieting. He also would respond to compliments from others about my weight loss with " She will just put it back on" Hmmm I wonder why he is an ex? Mary

Men give chocolate as a gift in hopes that they will get to eat some of it too.

My husband always buy me chocolate for all occasions (birthday, anniversary, Christmas...). And he ate most of it. LOL. He likes chocolate that's why he bought it.
Maybe you should bring it out and offer him some. He might like that.
Mai

To all the man-hating going around...it is possible to find one that supports the healthy lifestyle. My bf doesn't eat healthy, but never makes fun of me for living that way. And if I need help to say no, he does it for me, but never makes me feel bad over it. He tells me all the time how great I look. He's not supportive in the way of providing healthy options necessarily, but he certainly doesn't buy me chocolate! He's a keeper and everyone will find one of those!

I wouldn't call it man hating! I think we are wise to recognize if someone is trying to sabatoge our efforts whether they be our partner, best friends, parents, siblings or casual aquainantances. It happens. The reasons behind their kindly gifts are hard to figure out and likely as varied as the people themselves. I'm sure lots of them are well meaning, however they also are not respecting our wishes to not have to deal with extra temptation. Some of them may be because the person fears our success.

To me a person who gives me chocolate because they want me to share it with them would get a lot more points for giving me roses and buying their own chocolate and keeping it away from me. Mary

Well, I was probably (certainly) man-bashing, driven by thoughts of particular ones. Then I generalized myself into 80s stand-up territory, without even that hack humour. I do think there's a kind of common sense that comes from socialization (probably?) that many women share, and that many men share, but not always together. Oh it's cliched, it's the stuff of terrible sitcoms and self-help books, sometimes I find it to be true, often not. There are lovely, sensitive, equity-minded, thoughtful guys out there. Sorry, men.

Well, on behalf of the men I'll accept your apology... this time. ;)

Aw, see how wrong I was? :)

I've been vegan since I was nineteen, and vegetarian for eight years before that, and I have lost track of the number of times that friends and family who knew damn well what my dietary needs are have given me food I couldn't eat. In one case, I didn't realise that I'd just eaten something with a lot of cheese in it until afterwards, about the point that the food intolerance kicked in and I had to spend the rest of the night in the bathroom. Another friend is prone to giving me lovingly wrapped, beautiful-looking boxes of dark chocolates where she forgot to check the ingredients, assuming no doubt that because it's dark chocolate, it's vegan (hah - maybe 5% of dark chocolate is vegan, the rest has milk floating around somewhere. Her mother's vegan, I'm still surprised that she doesn't think to check). I thank them nicely, say I'm not hungry if applicable, and find another recipient to hand them to.

Some people make mistakes, and some people resent my having made a dietary choice based on ethics (they would never do this to someone who is kosher or halal) and make a point of trying to force me or trick me into accepting something non-vegan. The latter have always been family. My aunt hosted all the (dire) family dinners, and would refuse to make any vegetarian food, so that we always had to bring something for me. Well, she'd give me soup, but I think it was just bouillon and hot water, and one year it had bits of chicken floating in it. I'd never dream of doing something like that, I always enquire whether a dinner guest has any dietary needs I should know about (you really don't want to mess up with a nut allergy, for instance) and go to whatever lengths necessary to make sure they don't feel singled out. I don't accept clothes from my mother any more, she's deliberately lied to me too often about whether they contain animal fibres, and I know perfectly well she's doing it to score a point. Anyone playing silly buggers when they know you're dieting is probably in the same category. Gift-giving can be about control a surprising amount of the time, and can involve trying to shame people as well.

There's a novel by Margaret Atwood, Lady Oracle, about a woman who becomes obese in childhood and gets bullied by her mother about it. Eventually an equally obese aunt of hers dies and leaves her a legacy on condition that she loses, erm, might be 100lb, but anyway she has a fixed weight to get to, and I think she's around twenty but still living with her mother. She does it, she starts dieting and changes her life. It's only when she starts doing it that she realises that her mother was the one pushing her into obesity the whole time. She'd always felt guilty because she'd see a cake lying on the counter and snaffle it, but as an adult she looks back and realises that her mother was deliberately buying cakes and other tempting foods and leaving them out so that exactly that would occur. Once she starts dieting, the mother really panics and keeps trying to push her off the diet. Thankfully she gets away from her mother and her life improves a lot. Do not underestimate how much some people can try to play games with you in this respect.

With regard to your partner, I think all these suggestions that he give you big pieces of jewellery or a day at a spa are daft, although I'm hoping they're jokes! Because if he offers you a small gift and you turn round and say you want something really expensive, it's not about your diet any more, it's about money and accusing him of stinginess. Ask for flowers or something else of equivalent price instead. Is there perhaps a healthy food which is still a nice treat that you could request, exotic fruit or something? Or maybe something that lasts so that you can look at it fondly afterwards, a book or houseplant, say? And if he continues to give you chocolate, give it away, and sooner or later he will notice that the usual chocolate-eating frenzy is not occurring. If he never does take the hint, well, you will no doubt have a friend who is happily accepting regular infusions of chocolate from you by then. And if he really does insist on giving you chocolate after you have nicely and clearly and repeatedly explained why you don't want him to, think about whether it's symptomatic of something larger going on in your relationship that needs attention, or whether it's just a small random blip.

Speaking of flowers, my partner and I are coming up to our fifth anniversary and in all those years I've got flowers from neighbours, friends and my parents, but never once from him. I drop the occasional hint, but I don't think flowers are really on his radar, bless him. He gets me the most incredible presents, generous, well thought-out and beautifully wrapped (honestly, he must start looking for appropriate giftwrap and cards months in advance), so I am very much not complaining, and I'd rather have books than flowers anyway. Just... it'd be nice once! Going back to chocolate, I was slimmer when we first got together and had a fondness for chocolate drops from my local supermarket which were miraculously vegan (it didn't last). He teased me about them, and occasionally he would hide them, usually somewhere I couldn't reach. I would grumble about this, but then he would also buy these chocolate drops on the sly and hide them where I'd find them as a nice surprise later.

LOL! My husband gives me power tools and sci-fi books... both of which, coincidentally, are things he really likes!

If I give chocolate for a gift it is a very small amount of very fine dark chocolate. I would not give this type of gift to someone trying to lose weight, although a small piece of dark chocolate is not the worst thing a dieter could eat. I would not give this type of gift to anyone I knew would not appreciate it, for instance I had a coworker who hated candy, chocolate and anything with sugar. She didn't even eat fruit. I gave her some specialty tea for a gift, because I knew she liked teas.

Re:
 

That's great way

One of the most thoughtful BF's I ever had would bring me my favorite hair products or fill my fridge with my favorite vegetarian foods. I called it bringing me flowers because the thought was the same (he was thinking of me). I know it took way more effort to do what he did and I appreciated it way more than flowers or chocolates.

I get food gifts all the time at work but I usually give them away or share with my coworkers since I am a vegetarian and have some food allergies so I won't chance having a reaction.

I always appreciate the gifts because it means that someone thought enough of me to actually get a gift for me. That thought means way more to me than whatever the gift is.

Chocolate is a wonderful gift, it's all time my favorite. These kind of presents are always acceptable and you don't need to worry about there like or dislike in it.

I think chocolate is a terrible gift. My husband gets me chocolate for gifts and I always tell him not to do it anymore. I give it away to the kids, who are not fat and it's ok for them to have a little treat. Oh sure, I love chocolate as much as the next person. But to give it to someone who is trying to change their eating habits is a big problem, imo.

A number of guys consider chocolate is usually a affectionate surprise, plus it sort of will be if it is presented perfectly. As an alternative, maybe you may lower several clues about how precisely sophisticated in addition to pretty you are going to sense soon after he or she supplies you with fot it lovely Health spa outside. That is seen as a surprise in order to you both.

Yes! definitely I would give chocolates as a gift and will love to receive in return as well.

Yes, I don't think chocolate is bad as a gift. My choice is a dark chocolate because it has more health benefits. For what I know, It is a mind and energy booster also.

Dark Chocolate is a great gift, if the receiver is not a compulsive eater and is wise enough to consume it moderately. Apart from a plethora of health benefits like being rich in fiber, minerals and antioxidants, it is a known aphrodisiac ;) so gift away.

I'd give chocolates as gifts especially to a person who loves eating sweet stuff LoL but I'd go for dark chocolate rather than milk chocolate since dark chocolates contain more antioxidants compared to other variants.

it matters to me because i wouldn't want to buy someone a gift that i would never eat myself, and i wouldn't just pick any brand because it's on sale or for a good price.
as gift it's worth the money and i would probably but a more upscale brand like godiva, lindt or fancier European chocolate, toblerone or ferrero rocher is good. i would avoid ones with nuts or creams and pick more plain stuff just in case some ppl are picky eaters.

hahha yeah i would like to give mostly girls likes a chocolates but as boy i like chocolates very much so i also like to give others chocolates gifts.

My husband usually choose to give me flowers rather than chocolates during specially occasions such as valentines day. He just gave me once during our 1st anniversary but after that, I received no more chocolates.
lol

Why not? Girls loves food. I think it wouldn't be that bad. LOL :) Everyone loves chocolate and thats for sure.....

Chocolate is the representative of love, as long as you love him, no matter what present he can feel your love.

Yes, I always give a chocolate as a gift

I love to receive chocolates as a gift, especially if they are pralines, but when giving them away I always take into account the tastes of others, it is true that many people do not like sweets.

Depends. I would probably feel comfortable giving dark chocolate the most.

I would, but it's not just chocolate.)

I think chocolate makes a perfect gift when you have nothing else to give. You will always find a confectionary shop that has that big bar of chocolate suitable to cover up for the cost of the gift.

Yes, I donate chocolate, but dark chocolate with a cocoa content of more than 80 percent.

thank you

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