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Old 05-03-2011, 03:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Angry Self Sabotage

Iím sure other people here either feel the same, or have felt it previously, so Iíd like to know how you dealt with self sabotage.
For instance, Iíll say it straight, I hate myself. My body, my mind, everything. So then I get depressed and turn to bad food (chocolate, Mc DonaldsÖ), even though I know, even as Iím driving into the drive-through, or getting money for the vending machine, that Iíll just hate myself even more and itís not doing me any good.
Iíve lost a little weight, but only just gotten the exercise bike working (Iíll be using it about 2 hours every day, hopefully), and Iím living with two cops that eat really well and exercise often, so I know Iíll get there, but the doubt and self hatred is something I think I need outside help with.

Thanks for reading guys, appreciate it, and any comments (wether you think itís helpful or not) are welcome.
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Old 05-03-2011, 03:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I think that success breeds success. If you can talk yourself into hanging on until you see (not just on the scale) some real difference, you will likely be more motivated to keep going. Find something...just ONE thing, even if it's hard, that you really like about yourself, that you didn't before you began this process. Focus on that till another thing pops up. I can promise you, it will. Over a year ago on this site, another member started a thread called something like "what do you love." I had the darned hardest time thinking of something...honestly, the only thing I could say at the time was my ears. No lie. I am waaaaay past that now, but it took time and effort. Keep working it, and it'll come. When I do make bad choices these days, I just look at the next day as a new day and do what I know how to do to get back to normal.

The other issue I wanted to raise was that perhaps your self-sabotage is coming from your eating pattern. I noticed on another post you made that you said that some days you don't even get to 600 calories. I know that if I limited myself that much, I would be pulling into drive thrus and raiding the vending machines, too! Heck, I'd be eating my desk chair! Keeping your blood sugar constant with regular eating of healthy food is the best way to stave off impulsive eating and unhealthy eating. Now, I only have that little bit of info from your other post (I think it was in the exercise section), so that may not be the case, but I thought I'd throw it out since you said any comments were welcome...

Years ago I would diet in this cycle of not eating anything till late afternoon. Skipped breakfast, maybe a piece of fruit and some crackers for lunch. Then I'd eat dinner...and not stop eating till I went to bed. This time around I eat a balanced breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, and sometimes one more snack, depending on calories. I followed the recommended calorie deficit to lose a pound a week. Worked like a charm.
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Last edited by cjohnson728; 05-03-2011 at 03:56 AM.
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Old 05-03-2011, 04:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Cassie, thanks for your reply.

When I’m wearing make up I like my eyes, even a bit of eyeliner makes a big difference, but that’s about it.

I don’t limit what I eat because I’m trying to lose weight, I just don’t get hungry very often (and I know not eating enough can be detrimental to weight loss ).
To give you an example, all I had on Monday was an OptiSlim shake in the morning, and one for lunch. Dinner time can and went and I didn’t notice. Then the next day I had shake breakfast and shake lunch, and I had dinner with my housemates (healthy, good portion).
So when I hit the vending machine or drive though, it’s not because I’m hungry, it’s all mental. That’s the part that I need to get over. :S
I’ve always had self esteem issues, and it’s like a Catch 22, because I fear I’ll keep sabotaging myself because I’m depressed, but if I do get to a healthy weight I won’t be depressed anymore. So stupid.
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Old 05-03-2011, 04:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Wowgirl88,
I was totally in your situation from time to time. I ate just because I was bored. While I ate, I know I sabotage myself but i did it anyway. Then I felt stuff, and hate myself after that. I am still do that now.
However, slowly I shorten the sabotage time period. Belive it or not, I used to lose 10 pounds and sabotaged myself and fall of the wagon for 6 months and gain 10 pounds back.
Since last June, I tried to shorten my sabotage time. Everytime I sabotage myself, I just dust myself off and move on the next day. (It's easy said than done.) Last week, I felt off for 3 days, I felt guilt, sad, bad, ..... then I said to myself:"Monday is a new week, started all over again"

I agree with Cassie about eating pattern. I used to eat very little during the day, and indulge at night. Maybe your body wants to have real food instead of shake? (for me I can't leave just with shake, I need real food. I also can't eliminate white rice out of my life. People said white stuff is bad for you, but my body want it, so I have to portion control. Hey, that's me). Just listen to your body, and change thing around to find something that work for you. I think I found my solution.
I hope this help. Good luck
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Old 05-03-2011, 12:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Wowgirl,

I am impressed with the courage it took to "put yourself out there" and ask for help. I was looking at your goals, and would recommend breaking them down more. "by the end of the year" is too long and try to be as specific as possible - "today I will eat 3 small meals and a snack" - it helps to focus on one change at a time. As far as wt. loss goals, plan for a pound or 2 a week, and look at any extra in a week as a bonus.
MANY many of us here are/have been binge eaters/self-sabatagers (sabateurs?). One of the most useful aspects of this site is the journal. It's your place to vent and to address issues which you may be trying really hard to avoid by focusing on food. Think about it - if you're spending time thinking about food, getting food, eating food, then beating yourself up over having eaten that food - it's a huge chunk of time that you're not thinking about other things. Use the journal to ask yourself - "I know I wasn't really hungry when I ate _____, what was really going on?" It's important to be honest with yourself! Sometimes the answer will be easy - "I was bored" - and you can follow up that with a plan that you come up with for the next time you feel bored. Other times it's harder to identify exactly what put you into the "I MUST EAT NOW!!!" mood. Those are the times when you should just start typing and see what you end up with! Once you start idetifying the issues, you will find that the need to overeat comes less frequently. Hope this makes sense.
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Old 05-03-2011, 01:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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This site is great for gentle caring wisdom. I love the suggestion about using the journal instead of the vending machine. I'd also suggest finding a non-food non-sabatoging vice. For me, it's trashy novels - I can read Maeve Binchy and it often fills the eating chocolate need. For some people it's a manicure, or music, it's just another treat that fills that need.

It's the "I'm worth it" that often causes me to do something that diminishes me.

Good luck, there is a team rooting for you!

Abby
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Old 05-03-2011, 02:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Just one more thing I want to add. If you restrict your calories intake very low, that would make your metabolism slow down. Your body will learn to live with lower calories, and a minutes you eat more than your cals allowance you will gain. So the trict is to keep your body guessing, and eat a decent amount of cals a day so the body will burn it more efficently.

I watch the show call "the last 10 pound". This lady is very busy she always on the go, she didn't eat much but she doesn't look slim at all. she eats less than 1000 a day. The nutritionist put her on a 1,500 cals a day with lots of vegi, lean protein and she lost 20 pounds in 1 months (of course, she has to work out very hard with the trainer on the show). Her body in a starvation mood with less than 1000 cals a day. I thought this is interesting.
mai

Last edited by lastri; 05-03-2011 at 02:22 PM. Reason: to add more
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Old 05-04-2011, 01:21 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks all so much for your replies, nottango, it's much eaiser to 'put myself out there' with strangers on the internet that can't see my crying when I'm typing lol, and it certainly helps that you're all so kind, and have either gone through this, or are going through it currently.

To give an update;
Had a really bad day / evening yesterday. I was so low and down on myself I won't tell you all the things that were going through my head. Got on the excersize bike in front of the DVDs again, and in ten minutes I was in tears thinking negative things. Spent the rest of the evening curled up in bed trying to watch Buffy through tears.
Felt the same this morning, just worthless, as I'm sure some of you can relate to.
Then someone I haven't seen in months (company rep who used to visit all the time but now only comes in once every few months) visited the site where I work and the first thing he said to me was "you're looking good! Have you lost weight?". So now I'm a bit happier. Spent some time talking to him and he's very positive. Told me that if I'd said to him in 2006 that in 2011 he'd have done three half marathons and a 100km walk he would have asked me what I was smoking, so there's motivation for me.

Mai, I've been following your thread, good work on getting past the low points, and thanks so much for the kind words and advice.

nottango, I used to have a Word* document I used as a diary, but I've been thinking of doing an online blog instead, but not sure at this stage. I used to self-harm when I was feeling low, and while chocolate is better than that, writing does sound like it will help my goals a little better.

Abby, that's one thing I love about the site, the positive vibe I get from it really helps. I want to get to the stage where when I'm feeling low I used excersize to lift myself, but think it will take some time. Thanks for the cheers.


Overall thanks everyone for the encouragement, I don't have days as low as yesterday very often, but it's wonderful to know the support I can get here. I hate to dump on my friends IRL because I often think that they have better things to worry about, or that they're only telling me what I want to hear (low self esteem strikes again!), whereas with amazing people like you guys I know it's sincere because if you didn't want to post here there's no obligation for you to, so thanks again.

Remember, even if I'm not posting I'm lurking, so keep up the good work everyone.
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