You are in no way a loser! the fact that you are so honest with yourself and trying is a huge thing and you should be proud of that. Just focus on yourself and the rest will fall into place!
I also had lost a bunch then gained it all, plus some, back! it's devastating but I just try to focus on the fact that I personally did make some decisions to put me in that position, and hopefully I can get myself back to what I was and want to be.
I'm so glad for these forums and that we have people to talk to. It helps!
I did the 20mins today! yay! I plan on doing it again tomorrow. :-)