I can totally attest to wine causing weight gain especially in the midsection! I love red wine...too much
I was doing the exact same as you were...having a little wine while making dinner, then with dinner, then after dinner. I coudl easily drink a bottle to myself in a night without realizing it. Do this for a few years and you not only have abdominal fat to lost, but now you may have also formed a habit. Not necessarily an addiction per se, but definitely a habit. I too quit smoking years ago and it was pure hell! But I did it and you know what...it proved to me that I'm strong enough to commit to change and to see it through no matter how tough.
I now limit myself to wine on the weekends only. At first that was an adjustment...one that took getting used to...but it's doable. I started out with a South Beach diet and have switched over to keeping a lower carb intake and counting calories. I also exercise 6 days a week with a combination if strength and cardio. It's been about 10 weeks since I started making these changes and I've lost 10 lbs. I woudl love for it to happen faster, BUT...if I keep going at the rate I'm going by Springtime I could be down to my ideal weight.
My point is...or should I say points are
1. Your doctor was wise to say get the drinking under control or quit. If you are not able to control it, then you may be dealing with something more than a habit.
2. You've got a solid plan! Take your time, try it out for a while and adjust as needed. Don't be afraid of lifting heavier weights. At first you will be sore and most likely feel puffy. That's water being held in the muscle as your body gets used to this new work. Over a few weeks, that water weight will go and you won't feel so puffy. Putting on some muscle will help to keep the fat you lose, off for good. Most likely the reason your husband can drink all that beer without it affecting his physique is because he carries more muscle than you. Muscle is metabolically active tissue (fat is not) therefor he naturally burns more calories than you do. If you start putting on more muscle, eventually it will increase your metabolism and will make it easier for you to maintain weight loss...not to mention a whole other host of benefits.
3. My experience with weight loss has been up and down. Some weeks I'm down, some weeks I stay the same other weeks I've been up. Stay the course and you will ultimately go down. Don't let the scale be your only source of seeing progress. I had my husband snap some pics of me when I started 10 weeks ago. Yesterday I was feeling frustrated and thinking this was going too slow. I asked him to snap a few more pics of me and to my surprise, there were significant differences between the two! Progress is not just seen on the scale, but also in pictures and with a measuring tape.
4. I wish I had some words of wisdom with regards to how your husband is making you feel, but I don't. I dare not comment the relationship of others...we all have our own dynamics in our marriages. I will say that I'm sure you feel very hurt that he is not attracted to you with the extra weight. I hope this is just how you feel and that he hasn't actually told you so. Keep in mind that maybe he isn't attracted to you at this weight, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I hope he will encourage on your path to weight loss and that you grow closer again. ((hugs))
You've got this Del! Come back here and let me know how you're doing! I will be here cheering you on