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hegira13 11-05-2013 02:13 PM

I am a 50 YO female, married for over 20 years, no kids, and clinically about 30 lbs. overweight.

I eat well, mostly, tho' I do cave a couple of times a week for some pizza or comfort good that isn't all that great for me.

Currently, I exercise about 3 times a week.

Alcohol, specifically, wine, has packed on the pounds over the years. That and a sedentary desk job, and MENOPAUSE. I would come home from work and have a glass of wine when making dinner, then another with dinner, then yet another (or two) after dinner. Bad, I know, I know, I know.

It frustrates my husband, and he is not attracted to me anymore. He can drink those heavy, big beers, 3-4 a night himself, and is still within range of his "fighting weight" which frustrates me! But this extra weight I'm carrying is my problem, not his and I'm finally owning up to that.

What is emotionally difficult for me, and this is personal, but I am putting it out there. My husband wouldn't care if I drank twice as much as I do now, as long as I was thin. That really hurts my feelings. It is disrespectful of me, I feel, and to my health. And he completely discounts menopause as a factor. I'm tired of the debate.

Bad news, good news:

I recently was laid off from my job and we live in an area that is very conducive for physical activity. Now, for the first time in many years, I feel like I have the time and the energy to come up with a plan for myself to help me achieve my goals.

I went to a new doctor and he said, "Get your drinking under control, or quit. Otherwise, you are healthy." Hubby hated hearing that. I still am not sure why. Maybe because he drinks? Maybe because the doctor didn't say 30 extra lbs. was going to kill me?

I don't know. Anyway...

My Plan:

1) Exercise 5 x a week. 30-45 min. cardio, 2-3 strength training (I can walk to our rec center which has a excuses there).

2) Continue to eat clean.

3) 2 drink minimum per day or no more than 14 drinks per week. This was my doctor's reco. I know women should have no more than one, but it is a starting point and a reduction from where I am now.

Today I stepped on the scale and was 182.1 lbs. I am 5'5". My goal is to get to 150, then 140, but first 170! I honestly don't know how long it will take. I quit smoking years and years ago, and I thought that was hard...somehow I think this will be right up there on the determination scale (pun intended).

My gyno suggested a South Beach type diet as his observation has been that this is the most effective for menopausal women who have gathered too much "girth."

Sorry, this post has gone all over the map. I appreciate any support. I am scared and excited to be doing something good for myself.


Kathy13118 11-05-2013 04:11 PM

You've got your plan and it looks good. My doctor also thought the South Beach Diet worked well for a lot of his patients. Good luck with all your efforts!

lildebbieg 11-07-2013 03:39 PM

Hi Del,
I can totally attest to wine causing weight gain especially in the midsection! I love red wine...too much ;) I was doing the exact same as you were...having a little wine while making dinner, then with dinner, then after dinner. I coudl easily drink a bottle to myself in a night without realizing it. Do this for a few years and you not only have abdominal fat to lost, but now you may have also formed a habit. Not necessarily an addiction per se, but definitely a habit. I too quit smoking years ago and it was pure hell! But I did it and you know proved to me that I'm strong enough to commit to change and to see it through no matter how tough.

I now limit myself to wine on the weekends only. At first that was an that took getting used to...but it's doable. I started out with a South Beach diet and have switched over to keeping a lower carb intake and counting calories. I also exercise 6 days a week with a combination if strength and cardio. It's been about 10 weeks since I started making these changes and I've lost 10 lbs. I woudl love for it to happen faster, BUT...if I keep going at the rate I'm going by Springtime I could be down to my ideal weight.

My point is...or should I say points are :D

1. Your doctor was wise to say get the drinking under control or quit. If you are not able to control it, then you may be dealing with something more than a habit.

2. You've got a solid plan! Take your time, try it out for a while and adjust as needed. Don't be afraid of lifting heavier weights. At first you will be sore and most likely feel puffy. That's water being held in the muscle as your body gets used to this new work. Over a few weeks, that water weight will go and you won't feel so puffy. Putting on some muscle will help to keep the fat you lose, off for good. Most likely the reason your husband can drink all that beer without it affecting his physique is because he carries more muscle than you. Muscle is metabolically active tissue (fat is not) therefor he naturally burns more calories than you do. If you start putting on more muscle, eventually it will increase your metabolism and will make it easier for you to maintain weight loss...not to mention a whole other host of benefits.

3. My experience with weight loss has been up and down. Some weeks I'm down, some weeks I stay the same other weeks I've been up. Stay the course and you will ultimately go down. Don't let the scale be your only source of seeing progress. I had my husband snap some pics of me when I started 10 weeks ago. Yesterday I was feeling frustrated and thinking this was going too slow. I asked him to snap a few more pics of me and to my surprise, there were significant differences between the two! Progress is not just seen on the scale, but also in pictures and with a measuring tape.

4. I wish I had some words of wisdom with regards to how your husband is making you feel, but I don't. I dare not comment the relationship of others...we all have our own dynamics in our marriages. I will say that I'm sure you feel very hurt that he is not attracted to you with the extra weight. I hope this is just how you feel and that he hasn't actually told you so. Keep in mind that maybe he isn't attracted to you at this weight, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I hope he will encourage on your path to weight loss and that you grow closer again. ((hugs))

You've got this Del! Come back here and let me know how you're doing! I will be here cheering you on :)

hegira13 11-08-2013 03:48 PM

Retitled: Wine, Desk Job, Menopause, and Spousal Support
Debbie, you are a saint! I feel not so alone in the fact that I have developed a lifestyle that is starting to venture out of my comfort zone.

I have been drinking less, no change on the scale yet, but developing a heavier weight lifting workout routine...twice this week using weights higher than my comfort level, and researching more. Next week starting with deadlifts...I have to practice proper form with a broomstick first!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, I appreciate you not judging the hubby thing, at times I KNOW I could not have made a better choice for a life mate, and then there are times, I want to sing in my best, and loudest, operetta voice....MISTAAAAAKE!.

As my 3 sisters and I always say, "We all have our special packages."

I will keep you posted. Thank you for YOUR post. It has energized me.


lildebbieg 11-09-2013 10:21 PM

Hey Del!

Good job making some changes. Take it one step at a time and only make changes that you feel you can live with long term. Right? No point in eating like a bird and not having a glass of wine if you don't intend to do it for life. Eat better, drink less and the pictures will show the proof. I say pictures because the scale can be so discouraging at times:)

I love of my favourite exercises! Great for the bootay and hamstrings! :)

I'm happy to say that I just finished an 8 week exercise rotation called JNL Fusion. It was fun! I've now created a new 8 week rotation for myself that I'll start on Monday. After this first initial 8 weeks back on track, I'm happy to say I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin and my jeans actually feel comfortable again. I still have some work to do, but that's okay...I feel like I'm finally on the right track again!

lildebbieg 11-12-2013 02:29 PM

Hi Del! :) Checking in to see how you're doing? Hope you're going strong!

I've started my new 8 week exercise rotation and I'm loving it. It's a tough one, but I know I'll see results and move closer to my goal. This time around, I'm going to add in a little more cardio that the last 8 weeks. Still keeping up the weights to keep on adding beautiful muscle, but upping the cardio to help move the fat a little faster.

Later! :D 11-12-2013 07:57 PM

Hang in there. I hear you about the wine. I usually have 3 glasses a week and still worry - I'm 58 yrs old and have 3 cousins who had breast cancer all heavy wine and beer drinkers.
You're doing the right thing by cutting back. Try to get some outside support since you're obviously not getting it at home. You are so worth it!

frenchhen3 11-13-2013 02:53 PM

Just stop drinking! If you stop, even your "two a days" you will save about 200-400 calories a day, which will be two pounds a month. Something I found too, when I drank, I snacked. So for me, no drinking, stopped snacking... lost weight without a whole lot of other effort. That was the 10 pound kickstart I needed and made exercise a lot easier. I am about your height, 5' 4" and I have reached my goal. I have had one 4 ounce (yes I measured) wine in the last 365 days, and one 4 ounce glass the year before... Also not drinking makes your goals clear. I don't think I will have another for a very long time.

Why would you risk your liver for today's pleasure? You will need your liver the rest of your life. If you are trying to improve your overall health, get honest and do things that will encourage other good things to happen. Let one be the catalyst for the next.

Kathy13118 11-13-2013 09:57 PM

Warning - that calculus course on coursera goes on FOREVER! (no, maybe it just seems that way....)

lildebbieg 11-27-2013 01:32 PM

Hi Del :) If you're still lurking here, come on out of the shadows! We have a 2013 Year End Challenge going over in the Motivation and Support forum. Come over there and join us! We're setting a goal for New Year's Eve and then cheering each other on as we work towards it. Should be fun and great for accountability and motivation :)

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