Question about focus and mental setbacks
 

Hi, I am kinda new here. Have used FitDay for years tracking and losing/quitting and gaining. My last successful run was Aug. 2009-Nov. 2009 when I lost about 22 pounds, going from 217 to 195. It took almost 3 months to accomplish, but my mental state was strong and focused. I wasn't hungry and exercising felt good and productive. Then I don't know what happened! It doesn't really make any sense. I hit some mental roadblock that eventually made me give up completely. I have regained about 16 of those pounds and I am back on FitDay. After that much time, I would think the habit had been established and the fact I was seeing results (smaller jeans, compliments, etc.) that I would be even stronger. Something happens that makes me lose the initiative, the focus, the obsession. No amount of motivational talk has helped. Now I fear trying again...only to possibly fail months into it. Unless I can figure out a way to get through that time that somehow sneaks up on me and sabotages my motivation.

For those of you who have faced this and have overcome that obstacle, please, please tell me what you have done to get over that bump in the road and continue to lose weight. I would really appreciate hearing how you handle this successfully. Thanks! And Good Luck to everyone here trying and Congrats to those who have figured it out and been successful!!

Hi Sherry :)

Well, you know how to lose weight; keeping it off was always my biggest problem as well.

What about staying on FitDay and continuing to log your food and exercise, as well as staying accountable on the message boards even once you reach my goal weight? I'm thinking that will help prevent a relapse.

Thinking about it as more of a lifestyle change for your health rather than a "diet" that is over once you meet your goal is also helpful for me. Your eating and exercising have to be something you can sustain for a lifetime, not just till you lose the amount you want to.

A lot of the threads have goals set, or weekly weigh-ins, so joining up with those keeps you accountable and may give you the motivation you need.

Don't sabotage yourself mentally before you even start. You know you can do this successfully. And if you do slip up, like we all do, just pick up and keep going. Whenever I used to eat something I shouldn't have, I would immediately think I had blown it and took it as an excuse to eat everything else I wanted that day. That wasn't good. Then I found the quote in my signature and that gets me through that kind of thinking.

Good luck!

Hello, and thanks Cassie. I really love your signature and will hang onto it myself... I think I can overcome it if I have a plan for hitting that roadblock that defeats me every time...argh. There is a whole mental argument that happens in my head and usually wins! Typical stuff like: It's okay to just throw caution to the wind once in awhile (followed usually by a week or more of "throwing caution"). Or ridiculous stuff like: You are who you are, why try to change! (those are classics for me). All mental garbage, I know, that eventually throws me off track when I'm successfully losing weight.

This is my first time trying to reach out to others. I usually go it alone and you can see how far that has gotten me :rolleyes: I think I will try a little harder to ask for help when needed instead of believing the mental stuff that goes on down the road when I don't really want to quit. And maybe I can contribute a little about things I found helpful and successful when losing weight myself.

Thanks, and good luck to you, too. :)

Hi Sherry,

I just started FitDay in January; but have tried various other weight loss programs over the years - with some success (short term success as I have never kept the weight off). I have felt desperate, impatient and so frustrated. But no more. I have to keep my head if I am going to do this!! :rolleyes:

This time, with FitDay, is different for me because I am educating myself on nutrition and changing the way I view food. Eating naturally, non-processed food most of the time. It is a complete lifestyle change for me and the changes I am incorporating are going to be changes I keep for life. I am trying to not deprive myself or attach the big guilt trip onto certain foods when I do eat them. All foods are OK, in moderation. Using non-food things to fill that "void" that I seem to reach for food to fill.

I think you will find these forums helpful; I sure have! :) As Cassie said, they provide motivation and accountablility, and also support.

All the best, keep posting!

Thanks! It does seem to be very educational just to see what I put down every day in my food diary. I agree, it does need to be a complete lifestyle change and that's where the problem lies for me. I thought at one point I had accomplished that - made a lifestyle change. Even after months of feeling great, eating better, tracking, etc., I somehow STILL go way off track and give up on one of the best things I'd ever done for myself. I don't know what happens to make it fly out the window along with my mindset! And I would love to know how others handle it without giving up and then go on to lose 50, 60 or more pounds. I want to do it this time and make it STICK!! :mad:

Have you thought about adding to your food and exercise journal the emotions and situations that make you eat and sabotage yourself? So many of us are emotional eaters...maybe if you looked a little deeper into why you eat, you could better figure out how to change it.

We all eat for different reasons. Some people sabotage because of a fear of success and what that might mean, crazy as it sounds. For some of us, eating is comfort, or reduces stress...could be anything.

Hi Cjohnson,

You make a great point. I will try that. Stress is a huge factor; like many people, I definitely eat when stressed. Although I was already sliding, my efforts ended during a time of stress. And I didn't get back on track. I just lost the motivation, drive and focus. :mad:

I guess I know I will ALWAYS have stress and, sometimes, a lot of it. It can't be helped. But I still want to stay on a course of action and not put most of the weight back on afterward. I want to take better care of myself during those times, not worse. Being clearly aware of when and under what circumstances I gave up are really important to my success, aren't they?

I also like and agree with you about fear of success! As crazy as it sounds, I have had those thoughts. Who will I become? Will I look sick? How will it affect me and those around me? What's wrong with who I am now? There is a fear there....it does seem crazy, but I can identify with what you said.

Thanks again,, really appreciated :) ...

Hi there, I feel your pain. I started losing weight about this time last year. I got on fitday, started on Wii Fit and was HARD CORE about it. I took my intake down from 4000 a day to 1200 a day. In about 3 months I went from 206 to 170 , droped from a size 38 to a 32. I was feeling great and my wife was loving the way I was looking heh. the past couple of months though the drive has just left me. I got on the scale this morning and was 182 !! I'm not really sure other then I just feel off the horse and am having a hard time getting back on.

i'm not sure what it is. yes part of it is stress, BUT i was watching a show on weight loss dealing with a family & they went to a dr. & he said that carbs & simple sugars you know the junk actually changes the chemistry in our brain. i'm just paraphrasing so you are stressed out & eat those chips, or cookies or whatever & our brain chemistry changes so that we feel better. sooo his answer was to cut out the junk....lol. anyways not saying this as an excuse to eat junk, but just something to be aware of that stuff can actually act like a drug for some ppl. it sure can with me & heck that stuff isn't easy to give up. think about it an alcholoic can never drink again. they don't need alcholo to live right? but we have to eat, we can't just say fine i'll never eat again...lol.

you'll do great. just know you are not alone. the good news is you are back & on track. focus on the positives.

Getting back on the horse again, too
 

Hi Devin, Stacey and StrongWlld,

It's so frustrating! :mad: But I have been thinking about the reasons I quit a lot this time, hoping to get answers and suggestions from others, too. I cut back my calories to no more than 1,500 (some days was 1,200 and others 1,500-depending on appetite) and lost about 1.5-2 pounds a week. That wasn't fast, but it was fairly steady, with a few plateau's along the way.

Even when I lost 22 pounds, I felt like a new person was emerging. I wonder if the fear of losing me as I knew me was really an issue. I kept thinking, I was a good person fat, why do I have to be thinner? This is ME. Yeah, too fat and unhealthy! I think as I would have gotten to use to the changes, that would have worked itself out....I know I would have gotten use to a new "me" with a little time. But I never got that far!

So what does happen to our drive and motivation? Maybe I never saw it as a lifestyle change, although that was the goal. Maybe I still saw it as a diet.....a means to an end, not the end itself. When does it really become a life-style change, not just another diet?? Not just a "I have to do this because I'm fat?" but instead "I want to do this every day because I deserve it?" Even though I said the latter to myself, it didn't matter, I still quit. Or does that never really happen for some people and we have to just keep faking it until we make it? It might always be a mental struggle, but we have to just DO IT anyway?

As for the addictive nature of sugar, I think it's true. I've gone to Overeater's Anonymous meetings and read the literature. I gave up sugar and white flour once for a few months and, again, lost about 25 pounds and quit when someone baked me a birthday cake! I had a harder time with the no-sugar diet than when I used FitDay and just used moderation/natural sugar, etc. I think junk food follows the same addictive route- the more of it I eat, the more of it I want. I'm never satisfied! I find that if I stick to fruits and other naturally sweetened foods, I'm fine, no cravings kick in. It's only processed foods and pastry-type sweets that send me over the cliff!

Whatever it is, it's really making me mad. I am once again taking the road to a permanent life-style change of eating better and losing weight knowing I really want it for a lot of reasons. This time, I am going to be very aware of the internal dialog that goes on every day, along with the stress I'm under, to help me avoid that wall or at least be able to get around or climb over it to keep going forward!

And strongwlld, you're absolute right! It was ME that screwed up! Probably for a lot of reasons that need to be dealt with once and for all! I need a plan, though...like if someone offers me food, this is what I will do (and not be swayed)! Or if I start thinking I'm fine like I am, I need to cut that crap out, or at least say something that makes sense to me so I can move forward! But when the motivation goes, then what??? I need a plan for that this time, too!

And, I am very open to ideas and tips that would get me through the most difficult part of this process for me - the quitting stage!!!! :mad:

I think that it is important also that weight lose can not be looked at as a punishment. Thats why my wife can not get into weight lose cause she always looks at it as a punishment or a burden. She hates the way she looks but hates to change even more lol. So I have not tried cutting out sugar all together, but I have cut it back. Cutting it out all together feels like punishment to me heh.

Yes, sugar, cookies, doughnuts, cake make us feel better in the short term, I think it's the endorphins. But crunchy vegetables, fresh fruit, perfectly cooked salmon, chicken, etc. (health food) makes us feel better in the long term. If you've been eating healthy for a few weeks you feel more alert, more alive, more energy. So try something different next time you are anxious, sad, lonely, bored. Go for a walk, call a friend, drink water, drink green tea. Exercise also releases endorphins, so try exercisng for just 5 minutes, it might change your mind about caving in to cravings.

I've heard it takes 21 days to create a new habit. We need new habits to replace the old ones. It's hard when we sabotage ourselves, or allow others to sabotage our weight loss. And yes, we are fine the way we are, we are worthwhile human beings, but "fine" is not good enough. We want more than "fine" we want to look great and feel great.

StrongWilld - You can do it! There is a lot of literature out there to support the fact that eating sugar and white flour creates more cravings for sugar and white flour. I also read Sugar Blues, too. And if I eat it, I feel the intense cravings for more right after I am done. For me, it is mostly after eating pure sugary stuff like icing on cake and poptarts! I can eat 6 poptarts in a row and keep wanting more. Same with donuts and cookies. So there is something definitely to that, but like Devinfear, giving up all sugar was ultimately too much of a change for me, and again, I quit. But I support you and your efforts, too, and know the road you are choosing to take is also a great, healthy one!

Devinfear, yes, I think you're right about the punishment idea. At some point, every time, I also started thinking, why can't I eat what I want to eat, all the tasty sweet food that I'm used to eating?! Or it's a holiday and I'm entitled to eat! If that happens under the right circumstances, like maybe I'm also sick of the food I'm eating or a going through a stressful time, then I get lax and even feel justified and eventually just don't care. I just give up and quit. :mad: This kind of thinking needs to be stopped or at least fixed! So, I'm going to be aware of this completely and, when it begins, I am going to remember to take a good look at myself and ask myself how do I really feel about being fat. Because that's what my body is, fat, and that is not healthy...plain and simple. Is it really a punishment or a gift to myself?

mandevil7 - yep! I completely agree with the healthy eating = feeling better. Been there, done that! My problem (and what I really really really wanna fix) is that after 21 days (or 3 months or whatever), the good habits are gone and replaced with an evil eating machine that will try to bite off your arm if you get between me and a strawberry frosted poptart! I want more than fine, too!!!!

Let's do this together!!!

:-)

Sherry, I am, pretty much, right where you are. It almost sounds identical. I did great last year too and lost it for a bit. I was supposed to start back watching my weight in January, for the new year, but that passed by. Now I find today is a good day as any to start again. So here I am. I did go to workout today, and just did a few weights, and the bicycle for 30 minutes. Tomorrow I will go again and continue until it becomes a habit. I enjoy working out and watching what I eat. When I begin to see "any" weightloss, or curves, I'll be encouraged to continue. Much luck to you Sherry. Keep in touch, so that we can continue to encourage each other.

Hi Lainey,

Yep, here we are, aren't we?! heh! Today is as good a day as any, I agree. As you can see from the length of my posts, I am really trying to figure out how to overcome the greatest obstacle I face: LOSS OF MOTIVATION followed by QUITTING. I am not quite as mad as I've been in the past few days because I've got lots of motivation right now and I've been eating so much better and exercising each day. I feel good and ready to just continue this plan and look for answers every step of the way. I think whatever happens that makes me quit must be fixed or why even bother? That's what really brought me to the forums and to find others who know how it feels to be so frustrated after trying so hard to then just quit. I'm so sick of it! grrrrr..... I have no idea what I will feel like posting or when, but I think if I'm honestly going to succeed then I will need help and support from others and I can try to give it, too. I would like to join a weekly weigh-in or start a clean one, whatever works! But my MAIN goal is to figure out how to overcome loss of motivation so I can be successful in losing weight (yeah!!) and taking better care of myself. Good luck, and, yes, let's do this together!!!!