canary52

Kimbur, it is so hard to lose a mom young. I was 12 when my mom died. By the time I was 17 (DD's age) I'd lost my Mom and my 2 brothers. My Dad died when I was 26. My DD is smart enough to know that loss (and fear of more loss) is a big issue for me. When I found out she was cutting, I grieved as if I was going to lose her. Or as if I somehow already had. Maybe I grieved also my loss of who I thought she was, who I thought we were. She hurt so much and didn't reach out to me. But who could blame her? I had a terrible surgery and terrible medical issues and she was dealing with stuff too big for her (her BFF's cutting and depression - she was the only one who knew. She told the girl to tell her parents; the girl did and the parents practically locked her in her room.) Because she knew how she felt about her friend's cutting, my DD felt terribly guilty about my finding out about hers- at first - then she got angry. She accused me of making her cutting about me. She wasn't totally wrong.

That being said, I did and I DO worry. Human beings are imperfect and parents are human. And fear is a terrible place to try to operate from. Not to excuse it but I hope she can forgive.

canary52

Ever act angry at one small thing when it's really something else much bigger?

Ever say I will just go out and order the appetizer instead of dinner, then order dinner and eat both? And this after already consuming a day's worth (or more) of food?

Today I had sushi, hummus and vegetable curry. So what will I have tonight? Heartburn?

Those of you who can go out there and do it, exercise, babies!!!! Though there IS something to be said for leftover vegetable curry consumed at room temperature...

wildbeanerz

So I was happily munching away on some raisins today when I realized that I hadn't looked up the nutrition on them. They gotta be healthy since they are just dried fruit....right? Um! I ate over 400 calories in a cup of raisins!!

canary52

and a whole mess of sugar.

But it coulda been worse and now you know how deceptive "healthy stuff" can be!!!!

ToriD1012

So, I need a place to vent....here I go (in white)

As previously posted, I was cranky because of the restaurant. I got home, in a horrible mood but was still determined to get my workout in. So crappy mood or not, I grabbed the knee brace and shoes and was ready to do the Cardio Burn. Then it hit. The storm of negativity that is my mother. I swear, she can make the happiest person on earth want to crawl in a hole somewhere and cry. I love my mother, I really do. And I really think that she means well, it's just that she doesn't think about HOW she says things. She asked what I was planning on doing, and I told her, and she said "Well, your face and arms are getting a lot thinner, but it's going to take a lot of work to get rid of that belly." I mean, seriously? Who says that to someone? I just kind of looked at her, shocked and asked why she would make a comment like that. Her reply? "Well, you were a BIG person. And when someone is as big as you were it IS going to take a while." Apparently, I'm a moron who didn't know that she was extremely obese. And apparently I don't know that I still have a long way to go.

She seriously didn't know that what she had said and how she said it would upset me. But how would it NOT upsest me? As of Thursday morning I've lost 53 lbs but with comments like hers tonight it almost makes me feel like I still haven't done enough. That maybe somehow it should be more than that by now. Rationally I KNOW that I've already lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. But the irrational part of me is second guessing myself now. HAVE I done enough so far?

I started the DVD, and barely got through the warmup before I hit the stop button. I couldn't workout when I was in such a negative state of mind. I sat on my bed trying to fight back the tears. Crying isn't going to get me anywhere, and in the long run makes me feel worse. So, now I've let her screw up my goals for the week too. And it makes me really think and stress about Life Goal #3: Don't stress about it, but at least think about it. And I've really been thinking about it more and more. And the outcome of that decision has a heavy price. It'll break my Momma's heart, but it's what would make me happy. It's just really hard.

Thank you all for listening (reading). It has just been one of those nights. And now I'm at my cousin's house because one doesn't stay in a double wide during a tornado warning. And I'm eating Classic Lays and drinking regular Coke, cause it's all there is here. And now I'm sitting here listening to Jasmine cry and meow because she's scared. She's in a house she's never been in and she's locked in a laundry room. Now I AM crying, cause it's just so pitiful. And there's nothing I can do to make it better for her. But I wasn't leaving her in a double wide alone during a tornado warning. SIGH!!!! Tomorrow will be a better day.

wildbeanerz

Hugs Tori! Sounds like your mom means well but isn't very tactful and when one of those comments hits you at the wrong time like it did last night it can ruin your whole day. But that was yesterday. Pick yourself up today, know that she didn't mean it hurtfully, and get back to what you know you are out to do. You can do it!

canary52

Ditto to what April said. But I also want to offer you a hug ((((Tori)))))

What your mom said was insensitive at the least. As a mom, I know we can say some pretty stupid things. But, Tori, you have come so far - 53 pounds. You're exercising and still losing even after vacay. Plus you are so vibrant and fun in your posts. Just your sensititivity to Jasmine shows the kind of heart you have. So I hope what your mom said doesn't discourage you. And I hope today is a much borghter day for you.

canary52

I gain a pound and lose two, I lose two pounds and gain four. Maybe I should just accept being ten pounds fluffier than I want to be? Nahhhhhh... But I swear on my tombstone it will read: She had just ten... more...pounds...to...go...

Hoping the weather gets as nice as they say it will so I can go for a walk...

fit4luv

OK, so you lose some battles, but keep on fighting one battle at a time. We will win this war!!! I know people say the "last" 10 pounds are hard to lose, but all the more reason to go for it with all the gusto you can pull together. (Remember that I'm also preachin' at myself.)

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ETA: I plan to come back later & read through more later. Got other things to do at the moment.

Let's Stay Strong! One foot forward at a time.

canary52

Yeah but I feel like I've been doing this for forty years!!!! Heavy sigh...