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Old 03-01-2012, 08:24 PM   #141
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Originally Posted by canary52 View Post
I also want to say that though I do not comment as often as others what you guys say and how you guys are really moves me. It is giving me the courage to admit that one of the issues with my DD is that she is a self injurer. She refuses to go to therapy anymore. She went for months and blamed me for "making" her go. She swears she is no longer doing it but I have reason to believe she still might be and I pray for her with every breath. She's a great girl, super bright, good heart, but she was always very challenging, the emotional roller coaster we used to call her when she was young and every day I blame myself for mistakes I made with her (and am still making.) I love her so much and believe it or not ,we are very close yet I feel like the worst mother in the world. I reacted TERRIBLY when I found out she was cutting. I kept blaming myself (and in my mind DH) for trying too hard to make her happy, for not giving her coping skills, for letting her watch too much tv and get too heavy while I was dealing with all my mental and physical health issues, for being so critical, for saying the wrong thing and hurting her, for not being strict or consistent enough. I realize she was depressed but it killed me that she would feel so bad that she would hurt herself. And because of my own loss issues stemming from when I was young (I lost 3 immediate family members by the time I was her age), my hurt came out as fear and anger and my own bad coping skills. I was so afraid to lose her (still am) thinking I could not survive it (still feel that way.) So if you can, pray for my girl, guys. Pray that I can find the way to help her.
Hope.... I can say that I totally understand what you are going through. My son is 13 and began cutting on 1/26 of this year. He ended up spending a month in a psychiatric inpatient hospital and was released on Sunday evening. It is a long road. He has rage issues, can't keep friends, feels the world is against him, doesn't trust anyone, etc. etc. But we love him with all our hearts and just keep supporting him. He is not cutting anymore and I couldn't secure him from doing it even if I put him in a padded room. He was just taking his fingernails and scraping his skin until it bled. Within a week he had 21 marks on the backs of his hands. Basically traced his bones in his hands & fingers. I explained to him, with tears streaming down my face, how sad it makes me to see those marks on his body. Also that he isn't going to want to have to explain his scars to people when he is older. He is also very smart, handsome, energetic, loving kid but he has a very dark inner side that comes out when he is angry and we are still trying to figure out what to do to help him deal with that without acting out.

I am not in any way trying to say mine is worse than yours. I don't know your full situation at all. I am just trying to let you know that you are not alone. I felt so alone when all this really got started in December and I kept it to myself. It hurt so much. The people on this site are such great listeners. I wish I was there and could just give you a big hug! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk about it privately. I'm here for ya!
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331.2 lbs 02.21.11 (start) size 28W-30W jeans
229.2 lbs 08.06.12 (best so far) size 16W
263.4 lbs 03.03.14 (current)

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Old 03-01-2012, 08:42 PM   #142
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Mary,
I've been meaning to tell you how much I like your DP. You look so fit and happy! I have to change mine to one of my snowshoeing pics... maybe this weekend. Then you can all see the crazy amount of snow that we suddenly have. Maybe I'll make a snow angel for you guys, since my butt is usually on the ground anyway when I snowshoe... lol. (Although that may be due to the Bota (leather flask of wine) that I usually take with me when I go...)
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Old 03-01-2012, 09:17 PM   #143
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Hope None of us are born with the ability to be perfect parents, we all make mistakes and most of us just try to work out what's best for our kids as we go along. When one of our children is in pain, of whatever kind, we tend to blame ourselves and beat ourselves up because we are seemingly powerless to help. However, the choices we make when we are raising them are usually the best we can make at that time with the information we have and that's the bottom line. Yes we maybe could have done things a little differently but who's to say that things would have turned out any other way.
The parents on this site all sound normal, loving people who are trying their best to understand and do what's right in sometimes very difficult situations.
I salute you all and admire your strength because as we know there are some out there who can't or won't love their children and who just abandon them when things get tough..
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Old 03-01-2012, 09:19 PM   #144
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Quinn, that's great news about your Mom gaining weight and being back to her old feisty self. I hope your weather forecast for more snow is wrong!

Hope, OMG, DO NOT blame yourself for your daughter's cutting. It's a cry for help where she's letting out some sort of emotional pain through the physical pain of cutting, but it's from something within her that she cannot handle without professional help to work it through. My step-granddaughter used to cut herself and she finally was willing to go through therapy and today at 24 she is doing just fine. What worked was getting her into a hospital for observation and evaluation after a cutting incident and then from there going through counselling for herself AND for the family. Honey, please forgive me for being blunt. I am 100% convinced that you love your daughter, but you (and DH) have to face the reality that the deepest, most true and abundant love in the world is not enough to heal the emotional issues causing her cutting. If it were, she'd be healed by now. It's time, Hope--time to get professional help. Talk to her doctor or to your doctor, to a social worker, or some other health professional, or a clergyman who can point you in the right direction to initiate a course of treatment for your DD and family ASAP. You are in my heart and in my prayers. Big hug to ya!

Mary, great to read that you are doing so well! Keep up the good work!

Tori, on the exercise tonight--go for what will make you happiest. Fresh air and a great walk on a gorgeous day is hardly a mistake in judgement in my book.
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Old 03-01-2012, 10:07 PM   #145
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......I'm WALKING!!! It's way way WAY too pretty! I may even snap a few pics with the ole phone just to show y'all how pretty it is today Yup, I'm braggin on our weather! K....gettin up to strap up and head out. I may even venture off of the property and hit an actual street! Momma and Deddy live on 5 acres, so I've been utilizing the 1/3 of a mile that's paved to do my night time walking. But seeing as how it's still daylight (for another hour-hour 1/2) I may see how far I can get up the street without being hit by a car While the house is pretty far off the road, once you get to the road, it's a pretty busy one. K.....here I go!
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Old 03-01-2012, 10:18 PM   #146
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Quinn, that's great news about your Mom gaining weight and being back to her old feisty self. I hope your weather forecast for more snow is wrong!

Hope, OMG, DO NOT blame yourself for your daughter's cutting. It's a cry for help where she's letting out some sort of emotional pain through the physical pain of cutting, but it's from something within her that she cannot handle without professional help to work it through. My step-granddaughter used to cut herself and she finally was willing to go through therapy and today at 24 she is doing just fine. What worked was getting her into a hospital for observation and evaluation after a cutting incident and then from there going through counselling for herself AND for the family. Honey, please forgive me for being blunt. I am 100% convinced that you love your daughter, but you (and DH) have to face the reality that the deepest, most true and abundant love in the world is not enough to heal the emotional issues causing her cutting. If it were, she'd be healed by now. It's time, Hope--time to get professional help. Talk to her doctor or to your doctor, to a social worker, or some other health professional, or a clergyman who can point you in the right direction to initiate a course of treatment for your DD and family ASAP. You are in my heart and in my prayers. Big hug to ya!
She was in therapy for months. But she refuses to go back. I have talked to doctors, therapists, social wokers. She is almost 18 and refuses to go, fights tooth and nail and denies everything. She is a lot better than last year. She will be going to college soon. I am a nervous wreck. I'm not sure institutionalizing her is the best way.
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Old 03-01-2012, 10:40 PM   #147
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April I am so happy to hear you found a school that both you and your son are happy with! 5am shred you are a crazy lady,lol.

Hope You and your daughter are in my prayers.

Mern Thanks for the supportive words, I managed to catch up on a few posts, exercised and tracked my food this week so some routine is returning to my life. I smiled when I read that your dr doesnít think you need more than 100g protein my dr agrees with yours but I also find that when my protein is over 30% I lose weight.

Terri Glad to hear your dad is open to your help I pray he stays on track with his new healthy thinking.

Quin Shoveling snow is great exercise. I didnít get enough to shovel just enough to make a big slushy mess.

Mary I love your ski avatar it makes we want to go sledding.

Tori Good choice to walk and enjoy the sunshine.

I enjoyed a lovely hike with sunshine over my head and slushy yucky snow under my feet. I tried to catch up on posts but could only get a couple days back now I have to go, so sorry if I missed anyone. Have a great day.
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:18 PM   #148
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Hope, you know I usually have something to say... I'm speachless this time. My heart goes out to y'all. I already said a prayer. Take care.
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:30 PM   #149
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Hope, my sincere apologies for totally missing that DD had previously been in therapy. I will certainly keep you, your daughter and your family in my prayers.

Darlene, you rebel! I got a good chuckle out of reading that you, too, disagree with your doc on the protein. I'm not going to go crazy with the protein but am not going to limit myself to 100g. I've got about 125g today--usually it's around 30-35% but today it'll be closer to 40% only because my calories are lower than usual. I'll give in to my doc's wishes to not use avocado's to help reduce triglycerides after my supply runs out in three days. I have no proof that they work or do not work for that purpose and she is convinced they hinder the lowering of my cholesterol. So I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on that one. I love my doc and have a lot of trust in her knowledge and wisdom, but I am the one who has the final say in what I choose or choose not to put into my body. Glad you enjoyed your slushy walk.
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Age 68, 5 feet tall
Highest weight ever in the fall of 2010 246 lbs.
FitDay starting weight 1/17/2011 240 lbs.
Weight 8/14/2014 lowest in a long time 224.2
Weight 9/23/2014 doctor visit 233
Easter Challenge Goal 220 Weight 1/26/15 236.8
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:49 PM   #150
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Had a yummy restart today:

Breakfast: veggie omelet

Lunch: avocado, preservative free sliced turkey

Dinner: swai fish (similar to tilapia) tofu, and collard greens seasoned with just a little ham

Snacks: protein shake with flaxmeal, almonds, and 2 pieces of sugar free dark chocolate
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Age 68, 5 feet tall
Highest weight ever in the fall of 2010 246 lbs.
FitDay starting weight 1/17/2011 240 lbs.
Weight 8/14/2014 lowest in a long time 224.2
Weight 9/23/2014 doctor visit 233
Easter Challenge Goal 220 Weight 1/26/15 236.8
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