Just a couple. I think I burned more calories shivering than anything. It was cold!!

Cassie-I say eat the chicken and mashed potatoes!!!

Mike-don't brag about parades. it's not fair to the rest of us who have to wait a week

Mern-I'm taking some time to reevaluate where my head and heart lie. I've made a pact with myself to not even CONSIDER dating anyone for the next 2 months. After that, I'll see how it goes.


Rant in white:

So, a little bit of back story. I was living in my grandparents' house with my cousin and one of her friends. Six months later the friend's boyfriend moved in (we all agreed on it). No big, split the bills 4 ways, everything was dandy. THEN the friend gets pregnant. It happens. I had been contemplating getting a place of my own anyway, so I figured that this was the perfect time. I moved, they made my room into a nusery and everything has been okay. I had already had most of my stuff in a storage unit because there wasn't enough room in the house for 4 people's furniture, and quite frankly I didn't want them destroying my things. We had been using a refrigerator that had been given to me by my SIL's little brother when he moved across state. The fridge worked like a CHAMP! It wasn't pretty, but it kept everything cold and was FREE! It could have been pink with purple polka dots and I wouldn't have cared. Anyway, when I decided to move they wanted a new fridge. My cousin's sister was getting rid of a fairly new, black side by side, so the cousin and friend jumped on it. It matched the other appliances in the kitchen AND the thing that pushed it over the edge for them, it had an ice maker!! Cause it's ssssooooo hard to fill up ice trays and then dump the cubes in a bucket!!! But whatever! We put my fridge in the basement because my storage unit wasn't big enough to hold it and the rest of my furniture. I told them that just as soon as I could get it out, I would. Well, now that I'm moving AGAIN, this time to Momma and Deddy's, I had to get a bigger storage unit to house all the rest of my house full of crap. I was going to let my cousin know that I could come get the fridge to put in the bigger unit, just haven't had the chance. I had to run by the cousin's house this afternoon to pick up my softball glove (she had borrowed and never returned it) because my oldest niece has JV tryouts starting tomorrow and wanted me to work with her some this afternoon. I called, and the friend's BF answered and said that he and friend were home, to come on by. I went down to the basement to find my glove and noticed one particular large rectangular box shaped appliance missing!! YUP, my refrigerator is no where to be seen. I politely (seriously I was polite) asked what happened to it and the BF said "I dunno". So, whatever, I got my glove and was gonna be on my way. The BF comes out, motions for me to roll the window down on the car and says "oh yea, I forgot. K (my cousin) had me help her load it in the back of her Pop's pickup. I think she took it to the salvage yard to be scrapped." I thanked him for the info and left.

So here's where I'm mad. I had told them before they switched the fridges out, that if their new one didn't work great, they were welcome to use mine. (the newer black ice making one didn't keep things cold very well) I had no problems with them using it if need be. I still don't. HOWEVER! I do have a problem with them/her scrapping it for the money. It wasn't her's to scrap!!! I probably wouldn't have kept it when I find a new place anyway. It's old and if I'm buying a house I want new appliances. THEN I would have probably scrapped it. But, as it stands, I'm now out a refrigerator AND didn't get the money out of it. If K had needed money, she could have asked. I most likely would have told her to go scrap it. But I wasn't asked. Also, she makes more money than I do!!! I can afford all the bills there on what I make, so why can't she? Where the fuck is her money going??? I know for a fact that the rent they're paying isn't breaking her. OR her car payment/insurance. OR the utilities! She's had substance abuse problems in the past, and the ONLY time she's had money problems is when she was using. I hate hate hate that it's the first thing I think of, but it is. I know her too well, I know when she's strapped for money it's usually because she's using again. If it had been just any other roommate I would probably have already called and cussed her for all she's worth. But because she's family, and our extended family is tight I don't know what to do.......

And then about an hour or so later, K calls and asks for my help sewing some patches on her work uniforms because it's 8 bucks every time she has someone sew them for her, and she's broke. It took all I had in me to play it cool until I figure out how to handle the situation. SO CONFUSED!!!


Ideas????

awwww Mern, you make me blush . . .:) http://yoursmiles.org/gsmile/cinema/g19003.gif

Sheesh, Tori, I'd be upset, too. Have you spoken with K directly about the fridge? Could you open with being very direct and saying, "I know that you're asking me for help, but I'm really upset with you right now"? That may lead to a discussion in which you can state your point of view, and/or she can offer to make right.

Or you could say that you'll do her damn patches for $6 each, because you have to save up for a new fridge :p.

If she's using, that's on her...it's not your job to ride in and do a rescue, but you know that. And when that's in the history, it's a price you pay that people remember it, so no apologies necessary for that one.

I know it's frustrating when it's family and folks are close. I've been in a similar situation, though when push came to shove the person realized they were wrong and didn't have a choice about bringing my thing back. I just tried to lay out my case logically and not emotionally, and that was helpful.

Mike may have some nice, blunt suggestions for you, though!

Tori ~ I really don't have lots of advice here. The first thing that comes to mind (something that you already are aware of) is that it seems as if you are the "grown up" in this relationship and are the one to set up loving/clear boundaries. I know this isn't much help. I'd be upset too. Hugs to you.

ETA: I like what Cassie said.

Yes I do. In white. (NSFW) :) Tori, you just need to suck it up and make amends with her. Tell her that you'll sew the patches on her uniform. Just tell her to drop the uniform and patches off and you'll let her know when it's done. Don't forget that when you sew them on to sew completely through both sides of her uniform. Sew that damn thing shut. Then I'd sew the uniform in a nice little ball and when she freaks out tell her that you did that so it would be easier for her to stick it up her ass. Then politely tell her to fuck off and the next time her crack feigning ass tries to pawn your shit to put money in her pockets you're going to sew her shut. Easy enough? :D

Seriously, would you expect any less from me?:D

Gawd, I can't do that!! And what is NSFW?

Why not?? Too subtle? ;) Not Safe For Work.

Subtle? yeah, that's it

Seriously though. I still have no clue how to approach this....do I walk up to her and say "so, tell me. are you shooting up again? is that why you scrapped my fridge for the little bit of dough you got out of it??"

I'd just come flat out and tell her that she needs to replace your fridge. Maybe she should pawn some of HER stuff to get the money to do so. I wouldn't even bring up the drugs. It's not like an addict is going to be honest, if she were honest she wouldn't have pawned your fridge.

That's the thing, I have no money in the fridge. So technically I don't need her to replace it, cause I have no where but storage for it anyway. I'd just like her to be honest and say "hey, I needed the money, so I got rid of the fridge." But yeah, an addict is never going to be honest. And I know that.

How about this... find out where she pawned it and see what they gave her for it. Then tell her that you had no intention on pawing it but since she did, she needs to give you the $18.25 that they gave her for it. Then politely tell her that if she touches anything that belongs to you you will break her legs.

If she has a PO and she gives you any crap I'd call her PO on her. If she has kids I'd call CPS and let them know that you fear that she shooting drugs.

She didn't pawn it. She took it to the salvage yard and had it scrapped. And depending on what scrap metal was going for that day, is what she got for it.....

Besides, who PAWNS a refrigerator????

I know that all those things are easier said than done, especially when it comes to family but once a family members steals my stuff, the gloves come off!

someone that would rather get $18.25 over $3.28 from a scrap yard. ;)

Lets look at this from a different angle... did you do something to piss her off? Does she think that you owe her because of something? If so, she may have done it to be spiteful. I had a friend that had a friend steal his car stereo. He returned the favor by stealing the guys aluminum flat boat. Instead of selling it for several hundred buck he brought it to the scrap yard and got like $15 for it. He did it just to get even.

lol so she's not even a SMART thief!!!

I'll probably eventually mention it to her. But then again, maybe not. There's been so much family drama the past year, I don't really want to stir anything else up. (LORD the peace maker Libra is coming out in me)

I've done nothing to her! If anything I've always been the one to help her! Countless trips to the ER. Picking her up when her LOOOOSSSEEERR boyfriend dropped her off in the middle of the projects, AT NIGHT! If she were going to be spiteful, steal my tv.....

See me... I couldn't let it eat at me and wear me down like it's doing to you. I'd bring it up in a heartbeat and I can stir the pot as good as anyone. To be honest, the Taurus in me would just kick her ass (not really HER, but him if she were a he). Actually I'd have someone film it and I'd taunt the hell out of him and let him take the 1st swing. Then I'd give him a royal beat down, then I'd post the video on Youtube and call him out for another ass whipping. That's just me though. :) I guarantee you that the money that was gained from the fridge wouldn't be enough to cover the hospital visit, the lost work or the humiliation. Taurus FTW! :D

I guess that my suggestions would only make matters worse, in that case I like Cassie's suggestion about changing her $6 per patch. :) I'd also cut ties. You don't need someone like that weighing you down.

Well, I don't want to get into a fist fight with her. She's bigger and stronger than me. And I normally don't sweep things under the rug. I'll call someone out in a heartbeat! I really just don't know how to handle this particular situation. And it's not like she's going to own up to it even if I do bring it up! She'll hem and haw around it.

If I could cut ties, I would. Again, my extended family is T-IGHT! Together all the time. I already see her as little as possible. It's just tough. I do need to sit her down though....UUUGHHH

Another solution is I wouldn't do a damn thing for her. Stuck in the projects or not, she'd be on her own. If she's shooting up, maybe that's why she's ending up in the projects. How bad would it be, you get pulled over and they find her drugs in your car!?!?!?

I only picked her up one time. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, she IS family. But I told her that there wasn't ANY more picking her up. The next time, she walks!

I also told her on our last trip to the ER (she was bleeding out from the head and needed stitches), maybe a year and a half ago, that I wouldn't do that again. That she'd have to call the ambulance. She made the comment on the way that she wasn't sure why these things kept happening to her. I stopped the car (in the middle of the road), put it in park and looked at her and said "K, I love you. And what I say is out of love. But do you ever think that you put yourself into situations that CAUSE these things to happen to you?" She just looked at me stunned and eventually agreed with me. And then I told her that it was the last time. It was time for some tough love. It's been hard, but I've done it.

Well, it sounds like you're doing the right things. I don't know what to tell you.:confused:

I know RIGHT?! It's almost to the point where I say nothing about the fridge. Keep my distance as much as possible. I was enabling her by bailing her out as much as I did, and now I'm done. I've done what's right. I'm showing tough love, and it sucks. I love her, but I know that I can't help her. I just wish there was a way I could. :(

God, my life the past week has been like Young & the Restless!! I'm ready for normalcy!!

Tori...I would call her up and casually mention that now that you have a bigger storage unit you could get your fridge up out of the basement and see what she does with that statement.

Health / Fitness
1. 100oz water daily M: Yes, T: Yes, W: Yes, Th: Yes, F: Yes, Sat: No, Sun: No
2. Limit one diet soda daily M: Yes, T: Yes, W: Yes, Th: Yes, F: Yes, Sat: None!,Sun: None!
3. No salt added to plate M: Yes, T: Yes, W: Yes, Th: Yes, F: Yes, Sat: Yes, Sun: Yes
4. Walk on lunch unless raining or working through it M: 35 min - 1-3/4miles, T: 40min - 2miles, W: Snowing like a blizzard, Th: 36min - 2miles, F: Retail therapy included walking to & from the parking garage and all through Penneys in 3" heels, that gotta count for something!
5. Exercise 3 times during Weds-Sun W: 1hr 10min, Th: Day off, F: 1hr, Sat: 45min, Sun: Day off
6. 500 calorie daily deficit (3500 for the week) M: -1156, T: -1591, W: -1296, Th: -1069, F: -1851, Sat: -1155,Sun: 811 Blue"]Week's Deficit -8929 .... Woohoo!![/COLOR]

Life Goals...
1. Take things one day at a time M: so far so good, T: had a good day, W: doing what I can, Th: Rough, but yes, it's all I can do, F: Yes, had a good day, Sat: Great day, Sun: mostly

My kitchen is closed so I can post up my Sunday report now.

Phone call tonight from my son was back to him demanding that if I loved him, I would get him released. I just can't do that. I can tell that in his state of mind that he isn't safe at home and we aren't safe to have him at home. What if he were to choose to walk out after we all went to sleep and just go somewhere, never to be seen again? I can't live with that fear.

In case you didn't see it above....I pulled out a 8929 calorie deficit this week!!!

I hope those of you on the struggle bus are able to join us back on the wagon this coming week!

If I decide to mention it at all, this would probably be the route I'd take.

I'm too tired to go back and copy my goals, but I did do the two exercises today (stationary bike and weights), was over calories by 87 (a miscalculation; thought I had some left but I had forgotten to log something earlier in the day), did not take my son driving but that was his choice, what were the other ones? Oh, yes, I drank all my water, I am still working on that second report (it's turning out longer than I thought; I'm on pg. 13), and no, I didn't journal. So, a very mixed report. But I stayed in control and for me, lately, that's a win. I was also hugely productive around the house (oh, yep, cleaned the fridge). Night, y'all; see you tomorrow!

HIGH FIVES LADY!! Good Job!!! I'll be back on the wagon starting tomorrow! I've gotta gotta gotta get my walks and workouts back in! I know it's part of the reason I struggled so much this week! I'm gonna go check on the laundry and then hit the sack. LATER!!!