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mandab1 03-04-2010 10:07 PM

My diet is making me a bit of a....
I've been doing so well with my diet! I've been doing really well at staying within my calorie range but I'm doing it all alone. Last night my husband came home from the grocery store and made, for himself, a huge steak, yeast rolls, and a sauce made with heavy whipping cream and everything was buttered. So, I got to smell it and sit and watch him chow down while I ate a handful of grapes and little cottage cheese.

Watching him eat that infuriated me! So of course then the jabs began, and I started getting upset with every little thing he did for the rest of the night. He didn't understand why I was getting so angry with him and in the moment I didn't either. I shouldn't get so upset with him, it's my diet/lifestyle change, not his. Needless to say, my diet is making a bit of b**** towards my husband. It's making me feel like a bad person to be this way towards him when it's not his fault, but hurtful words just fly out of my mouth before I realize and unfortunately I can't put them back.

Can anyone else relate to this? How do you handle it?

Lizzycritter 03-05-2010 12:38 AM

You're hungry and your blood sugar is probably low while you adjust, which will make you irritable, and that was inconsiderate of him to eat that in front of you when you are trying to lose weight. Give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he just wasn't thinking that far ahead. When you are calm, tell him honey, I'm sorry I acted like that. I know you didn't mean to make me feel bad, but when you eat the things I can't have in front of me, it makes me feel like you aren't supporting me. Say this instead of "you don't care whether or not I lose weight". Try to phrase things "when you do this, it makes me feel this way". The idea is to not make the other person immediately feel defensive, but to put the emphasis on your feelings instead of his intent.

rubypeanut 03-05-2010 03:38 AM

Mandab, good for you for sticking to your dinner plan! Don't let others "sabotage you" indirectly. Keep it up!

cjohnson728 03-05-2010 04:19 AM

Hi mandab,

You aren't a bad person; you are in the process of making a big adjustment that has a lot of short term sacrifice and delayed gratification. Of course it is normal to be irritable and unfortunately we tend to take it out on whoever happens to be there. His eating only put the icing on the cake, so to speak.

My suggestion, if you are looking for suggestions, would be to simply leave the room or even the house. Go get a nice hot bath or go get a pedicure...treat yourself in some way that doesn't focus on food.

My husband eats things I would love to have but shouldn't, mostly snacky stuff. At first I had him keep them locked in his trunk (although that would be hard with a steak ;)), but now after a couple months I find it is pretty easy to just ignore them, even when he eats them in front of me.

Be patient with yourself; you will get there :).

Meghann29 03-05-2010 04:22 AM

I have been struggling with my weight loss too, My husband is also eating what he wants, yesterday he brang home a pizza and offered me a slice i was so angry i couldnt have any. I have found i have been quite edgy towadrs him and others too. I am trying my best to stay calm but i think not eating like i use to is stressing me out. I also quit smoking.

Meghann29 03-05-2010 04:25 AM

Ohh one more thing i have a 7 month old baby and shes just always needing attention... its just a very stressful time in my life

mandab1 03-05-2010 04:55 AM

Thank you all so much. Glad to know I'm not the only one!
Lizzy, thank you for your suggestions

cjohnson, it's good to hear someone else say that it's "normal" to be so cranky. Thanks for the suggestions. A pedicure sounds really nice!

ruby, thank you for your encouragement.

Meghann, I am also a smoker. I can't imagine what a pain I would be if I were doing this and trying to quit smoking. I'm hoping to quit smoking after I reach my goal weight, I'll definitely need a support group for that one!!!

I've been using fitday on and off for about 4 months now and I just realized there was a forum and I'm very glad that I did. You all seem like a great group of people! ;)

Meghann29 03-05-2010 09:00 PM

i just started fit journal, on the 10th so far i have lost 10 pounds. I quit smoking when my child was born 7 month ago so it took me time to recover.I am also glad i joined. keeping track of my food is helping me stay on track. also the reciepes are great! I have been taking orlistat aswell i was wondering if anyone is on this or have herd of it?

Ilikechocolate 03-05-2010 10:40 PM

If you weren't a little cranky with all of the stressors in your life as well one could be concerned. Of course you feel upset when you can't have the foods that you find comfort in. It is a loss and one we all have to deal with as we learn to change. It can be crazy making when the people in our lives don't understand the process. You have made two amazing life changing decisions, to quit smoking and to change the way you eat. It is completely understandable if you snap at others, I'm not saying it is helpful, but understandable.

I can relate to feeling that my good choices are not being respected. One of my roommates is very thin and when I started eating better she noticed and at first was very supportive. Shortly after friends were saying how impressed they were with my working out and not joining in on huge meals, this roommate started acting odd. She would bring home huge bags of sweets (for everyone she would say) and started baking (she hates to bake) and came to my room offering me cookies. I would say "no thanks" and she looked like she had been rejected. Anyways how I handle it is I work on my massive goal of losing 98 pounds (7 down!) one day at a time and am very aware of why I am tempted to eat. I tell myself that eating for comfort like i am so programmed to do is a short term high that will feel low afterwards. It is a process and I think we are all in the same place or were at one time. You are doing great! Keep it up!

pattialbert 03-06-2010 02:02 AM

You are very strong for sticking to your plan......its easy to eat thru your emotions!! \
I was wondering if the next time you could ask your dh to make you a similar meal...then you can eat together and not feel deprived or angry. But, your meal could consist of chicken breast, plain baked potato with yogurt topping,,and maybe even some mushrooms and peppers and onions cooked in some chicken broth to soften. If pizza is planned then take a whole wheat tortilla , spread some pizza sauce, little low fat cheese,,some veggies etc..and there is your pizza. I find its all about choices..and challenges, when i see something I want to eat I try to figure out how to make it low calorie.
My dh would like to have an occasional bag of major I would make some popcorn. If I could not help the craving I would take about 5 chips..and slowly savour them and tell him not give me anymore. ! He eventually stopped bringing them home..he felt too guilty. :p

desertmountain 03-06-2010 03:07 PM

mandab1: I completely understand your reaction. It's normal. You did so good not to give in and eat the forbidden fruit. I agree with what other ppl have said here and wanted to add that in addition to letting it go, learn from it by making a plan for next time or plan for there not being a next time if you can.

Like you, my husband doesn't eat the way I have to now (he doesn't have to diet and doesn't gain weight very fast...:rolleyes:) and also he cooks and is into high fat processed foods :o. So I picked a couple of things that I can't be in the same room without eating (yeasty bread, pizza, Carl Jr's hamburgers, pastry/sweets) and so I asked him to eat out when he wanted these things and to never bring them into the house as a way to be supportive. Maybe you can ask your husband to avoid bringing in whatever foods are your hardest to avoid, too.

I found a cache of Little Debbie wrappers in the trash can of his home office the other day and tore up that room looking for some wrappers with the Little Debs still inside LOL. He had eaten them all. Good thing. He said he won't hide sweets in his office anymore, but I still don't go in there just in case. I still feel ashamed of myself for going through his desk drawers looking for a sugar fix and don't want that experience again.

I don't know how ppl with kids or uncooperative spouses do it, if I see certain foods in the house they're MINE! I still have no control with sugary pastry-like foods, yet. I hope this changes as I develop new eating habits, but for now, it's just how it is. I can avoid buying them but for some reason once they're in the house it's a whole 'nother story.

mandab1 03-07-2010 10:16 PM

Ilikechocolate, I can't imagine what I would do if someone was doing to me what your roommate is doing to you! I don't understand why some people just can't be happy when someone they know is bettering themselves.

patti, some of your substitutions sound really good, that is something I will definitely have try.

desertmountain, luckily for me a don't have much of a sweet tooth but I go CRAZY for carbs! Yeast rolls and mashed potatoes are my biggest weakness, I could definitely see myself raiding a room for one of those two items!

My husband is very supportive but sometimes he just doesn't think things through. He now understands why I got so upset, and has agreed to be a little more supportive through his actions and not just words.

cjohnson728 03-07-2010 11:31 PM

It is wonderful when the folks we live with want to make it easier for us and are supportive. We can ask that they make changes, but not expect it. But I believe that there is always a way to do a reasonable compromise. desertmountain's advice is good about the "danger foods." Just don't even be around them if you can manage.

I have a 13 year old son. Obviously I'm not going to make him eat the way I do, but I want him to be healthy, too, so I make swaps if I can, like Patti was describing...baked potato chips and pretzels instead of the fatty snacks, lowfat frozen yogurt or regular yogurt instead of ice cream, angel food cake or sponge cake with fruit on special occasions as opposed to other more fatty and sugary goodies. Tonight we had burgers...but I used extra lean ground beef, whole wheat rolls, baked potato "fries". My whole meal was 450 calories, and I didn't feel deprived at all; in fact, I'm stuffed! My personal preference is to have actual meat as opposed to veggie burgers, but those are an option too if you like. Maybe you and your hubby could have a lean cut of steak like sirloin; eat your 3 oz. and then load up on the veggies. I know there is a book out there called something like "Simple Swaps"; that might help you compromise on dinners and snacks and things. Let us know how it goes and hang in there :D.

Lizzycritter 03-08-2010 12:10 AM

Extra lean ground beef and fake baked french fries, I do that too! The family won't do whole wheat, I just skip the bun and grab a knife and fork. There's a good website for healthy recipes, Hungry Girl. The - is very important, is....less than G rated lol.

Lizzycritter 03-08-2010 12:11 AM

OOO it made a link! lol

mandab1 03-08-2010 01:10 AM

Lizzy, thanks so much for the link. I did a little browsing and already found a few things I would like to try. :D

I would like to say again how happy I am that I finally found the forum, every one is so nice and supportive! Thanks to all! ;)

picnic4 03-08-2010 06:32 AM

Yeah some people get jealous because they're scared that you'll be better than them or something, the dynamics of friendships and relationships can change when someone isn't the "healthier, fitter" one anymore. It's hard to deal with.

It's really hard in my house, i still live at home with mum, dad, 2 sisters and younger brother, so pretty much at dinner time and when i'm snacking at home, I just have to pick from what's in the house. my dad is really healthy, but my mum has really bad old habits when it comes to cooking, and it's so hard to get consistent healthy meals.

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