kajajo

From the time I was 7 years old and my mother put me on my first diet I have always believed I was fat, I grew up fat and have been on the diet roller coaster since then. Even at my lowest weight I can look in a mirror and still see the fat girl looking back at me. (Don't worry I am not destined for anorexia, I like food too much) I was a chubby baby and toddler, when I was 7 my passport says I was 4'6" tall and weighed 78 lbs, that was when my mom put me on my first diet, I guess she got tired of telling people I was big boned, I don't really know where her head was, she didn't call it a diet, but I remember the sweets all leaving the house, or hidden from me and any time I wanted a snack I was handed an apple or an orange. The other day my cousin posted a picture of me when I was 17, I was a great size, probably 5'7" and about 120 lbs, I know I was wearing a 26" waist jeans at the time. Looking at those pictures I can't remember being that thin, I certainly didn't think I was at the time, this was during a trip to England, and I know for certain that when I got home my mother started making comments about the weight I had put on while away and I went on yet another diet, my own choice this time. So my reason for this rant is how does a person change their mind set when its been jammed down your throat for 40 years? I have basically been on this diet roller coaster for that long, except during pregnancies, what a great excuse to eat what you want and no one comments on the extra weight, until after the baby is born and you are now over 200 lbs and it starts all over again. I just want to feel good about myself is that too much to ask?

Kumochi

Hi. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm finding it hard to respond in a helpful way. Sometimes the harm done by well meaning parents requires more help than we can offer. I noticed a post a week or two ago where my thought was to suggest counselling however I was reluctant to do so.

I'm glad you have not become anorexic. Parents with unrealistic expectations that they foist upon their children can do a lot of harm. They will never see it that way. Sometimes kids are left with the impression they can never measure up be it in weight, athletic ability or brains.

We had a forum a while ago about how we see ourselves and how hard it can be to see the changes. Some of us have difficulty seeing how heavy we have let ourselves become; others can't see the new body they have achieved.

You may have some issues that require more assistance than the forums can offer. I'm not sure what type of counselling is best for helping us with likeing our body and accepting ourselves. It might be worth checking what is available.

I hope all goes well for you. Mary

Kathy13118

There are two guys who have a free podcast on iTunes. You can also listen to the podcast by going to their website and clicking on the arrow of their podcast (below the entry).

Fat 2 Fit Radio

What I like about listening to these guys is their emphasis on just living your life as the slim person you want to be, even if you aren't that slim person yet. They also encourage slow, steady weight loss. One guy has been losing about 100 pounds. slowly enough that you are aware that some weeks he puts on a pound or two, but mainly, he loses a pound or less by each podcast. Like I said, slow.

I think that rate of loss allows your attitude and self-image time to adjust. It also takes time to build habits that are going to last you a lifetime, not just the duration of a diet.

rmdaly

There is a book called: Feel Good Naked: 10 No-Diet Secrets to a Fabulous Body by Laure Redmond. You can find it on Amazon. It talks about the issues you are having. The author even has a website and you can contact her and get some one-on-one work with her if you are willing to pay for it.

(Note - I am NOT the author or associated with her in any way. I just read the book).

There has also been a lot written lately about using meditation to become more self-compassionate and that has helped people to lose weight. Another book (actually an audiobook) is called The Self-Compassion Diet by Jean Fain that has several guided meditations.

Good luck. Your statistics look like you are already in a pretty good place physically.

almeeker

My mother put me on my first diet in the fourth grade. I was 9, but had been called "fat" at school for quite a while before that, I weighed 84 lbs, and my goal weight at that time was 75 lbs. Like you, all the sugary snacks disappeared out of the house, I got a new-to-me bike that I was encouraged to ride every day and I was fed shakes for breakfast and lunch and got a regular dinner on a "smaller" plate. Now when I talk about that diet and my mother, it all sounds bad. However I suspect if she hadn't done that I would have been even heavier later in life. So was it helpful? Was it some sort of emotional trauma? Did it set me up for roller-coaster dieting for the rest of my life? Did it skew my relationship with food to the realm of "unhealthy". Probably. Truthfully I love my mother and fully believe that her putting me on a diet was done out of love. She herself is just not all that savvy when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle, so how could she possibly raise me to have healthy habits? She did the best she could do.

Now the shoe is on the other foot. We have a daughter that is heavy for her height. She has a fairly active life, she's in swimming, dance, 4-H, etc etc. The house is loaded with healthy options and very little junk food, yet she's hungry all the time and flat out eats more than she burns on a regular basis. As her mother what do I do? Do I put her on a diet? Do I sign her up for a running club she does not want to join. Do I grab the spoonful of peanut butter out of her hand? I just don't want her to end up like me, but I see the exact same things in her personality that lead me to being very very heavy. So far my strategy has been to let her see me working out, weighing my food, logging, eating healthy, etc etc. And we talk about living your life in a healthy fashion, not all the time, just when it comes up. I've also mandated that every kid has to have a physical hobby or lessons of some sort. Now granted she is a growing child, but she's continuing to get bigger in not quite the right way, so I'm starting to feel like I need to take it to the next level with her. How do you do that gently and with love, in such a way that won't require therapy later?

mgarner71

This thread hit a chord with me. When I was in 4th (30+ years ago) grade my father called me fat. Even at 5'0" and 100 pounds in 6th grade, to him I was fat. Then came weight watchers, fad diets, overeaters anonymous and just plain not eating until mom took me to the doctor and figured out what I was doing. We didn't have junk food in the house except on special occasions. Unfortunately, this lead to unreal body image, etc. I didn't become fat until I had my girls and I never lost the weight after 11 years. My father still thinks he's a weight expert and has to point out my weight or such and such diet. Well, I have a picture of when I was 18 and looked great. I also looked in a memory book that had my weight at 18, so I have found the weight I should be and will use that as my goal. I am finally ready to be a little selfish and focus on something I need-my health and a healthy weight is the last piece of the puzzle. I will probably always struggle with body image, but that is just how it is.

I saw a post about a child being a bit heavy. I have learned that if the children eat healthy-not a lot of processed junk food- and are active they will be fine. Both of my girls grow out before they grow up (taller). My oldest got plump the year and a half before she started her period. Once that started, she grew into her weight and just maintained until her height caught up with her weight. She has always been big for her size-tall and muscular. My family thought I should put her on a diet and commented on her weight. Now they say how she has lost so much weight. I tell them she maintained and grew into it. My youngest daughter is doing the same thing. She is always hungry and wants to eat every hour. I encourage protein, fruits, and veggies. I am positive she will do the same thing. She has been stick thin most of her life. She loves to ride her bike and go on walks. She's worried about her weight and I just remind her that she will grow up before she grows out. She's a healthy 11 year old and I don't want my girls to have my issues with weight, so I just encourage healthy eating and activity. Yes, I was very concerned with them having my weight issues, but my oldest is a curvy tiny thing now and looks back on her plump years and can't believe that was her. Her pediatricians were never worried and everyone is different. Some girls stay stick thin the whole time like my niece. We never know. Good luck. I hope this helps.

Marion
(sorry I never post my weight)

kajajo

First let me start by saying I don't need therapy, I am generally a very happy person, I only wish my mirror would be more honest with me, it insists on telling me I am still huge. Like Almeeker I believe my mother had my best interest at heart, she was a nurse and just wanted me to be healthy, she is definatly the one with the problems that need therapy, I blew up at her when she told my daughter she was getting chubby, my daughter is 5'2" and usually weighs about 105 lbs, during college she put on 5 lbs and couldn't get into her size 1 jeans any more. Unfortunatly for me I live in a house full of rediculously skinny guys so I can't convince anyone to join me in the healthy eating or the excercise so I feel alone in this journey. At my very heaviest since having children I was 210 lbs, at my lowest I was 135 and did anyone say anything possitive, my husband is oblivious and my mother told me I looked ill, emaciated is the way I believe she worded it at the time. I will continue my quest for a healthy body and maybe the mind will catch up, or I will just have to buy a new mirror, one that will stop fibbing to me ;-)

almeeker

Dee, you and I have much in common, I'm a happy person in spite of having lived a good portion of my life in a fat suit. My mom is also a nurse and was the first one to say to me "stop dieting you're much to thin already" (which is totally not true, as I'm still overweight), and she was the first one to point out that the oldest DD was getting chubby. No empty flattery from that corner. Oy.

I'm totally with you on the mirror, if you find a flattering one, feel free to share where it came from. All I can think of is the one from Snow White, only I would like one that is just a bit dishonest. Ok? I don't have to be the fairest in the land either, just passably pretty and smaller than the broad side of a barn.

kajajo

Almeeker you are doing an amazing job with your weight loss and your mother should be so proud of you and not be critical. I have to ask though how tall are you? 120 seems like a totally unobtainable number for me at 5' 7" as for the mirror I am still looking, nothing at IKEA, Boclair, Sears or Walmart. Think I might need to join a circus or carnival so I can steal one of the trick mirrors they have there. As I have mentioned before I was over 200 lbs after having my boys, I didn't think I looked bad back then, I knew I was a little heavy but assumed it would just fall off with breast feeding and running around after a toddler and a baby. What a surprise I got when my youngest was 3 and I was still carrying all the baby fat, none of it had fallen off as was expected. So now I got down to some serious work, Weight watchers that time and working out 6 days a week at the gym, sometimes even twice a day. With in 6 months I had gone from 210 to 135, I was a totally different person and no one noticed, or at least never mentioned it and the mirror was still seeing the old me so I gave up. In the 11 years since then I can say I have never been 210 again, but I have been darn close and still no one says anything and the mirror continues to lie, this is the whold point of why I posted this originally. It is so hard to see yourself as you are when no one else does.

merru

Wow! I can relate to you so much it hurts! I grew up over weight myself, and I know how cruel kids can be, and at some times relatives too - my mother poked fun at my weight several times growing up and my grandmother still does and I am 25 now!

At my most ideal weight (believe it or not) when I was a teen was 125-130lbs and I was 16 or 17 and all I ever saw was a fat girl staring back in the mirror at me as well. I have looked back at pictures of myself when I thought I was huge at the time only to see a very pretty normal looking girl.

Now, much like yourself after having my son (albeit 6 years ago.) I weigh 212 lbs. I have a gym membership, but only last about 20 mins if I am lucky. I'd love to be that size again, but I do have my issues like everyone else, and I do feel that everyone makes fun of me again (still a lot.)

I think that the best way to look at it (which has helped me out greatly) is to just be pro active, and keep telling yourself that you're doing something about it, and start feeling good about yourself - It took time to put on, and it's going to take time getting it off.

I've always had a lack of confidence, and I still sometimes have issues with it, but having supportive friends helps out too - They're priceless! Stick to it, and you'll get through it ^^