Motivational/need to vent and write it down

Old 08-19-2011, 04:19 PM
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Hi Ruby,

No offense taken

I got my Ph.D. last year, May of 2010. You are correct in that I did put aside any wedding and baby-making plans in order to get my diploma, and even now, having a family is not in the cards as I don't feel "settled." But everyone has those little-girl dreams of what they're going to do when they get older (my "plan" was to be married by 24, finished having kids by 28....lol! )

Getting my Ph.D. was a life-changing decision that I wouldn't go back and alter, however, it's also only human to have those moments of wishful thinking/wondering. I'm now at the point in my career where I need to decide a "track" (i.e., teaching college, research college, government job, industry job) and ultimately it is THAT decision that's going to determine much of my family life. I've come to realize that predominately teaching at a 4-year college seems to be where my heart is at, and I think it will balance the career and family goals that I want. I will make less money on that route than if I was a gung-ho research professor, but I don't think I'm willing to sacrifice the time necessary during these years where starting a family is getting more and more important to me. There's no sense in me being a mother if I can't do it the way that I want to!

The tenure lifestyle, too, is not helpful to women.... you often have to work the hardest between the ages of 27 and 37 -- hellooooo, that's family-makin' time! Easier for men to do than women, for sure!
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Old 08-19-2011, 04:22 PM
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Pam and others, if you have reservations about having your email up, you can use private messaging now to send it . Just click on the person's username. Thanks, FitDay!
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Old 08-19-2011, 05:20 PM
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Thanks for the tip Cassie! Haven't used that feature yet.
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Old 08-19-2011, 08:30 PM
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Terri, it will happen for you, I promise. Remember what happened to me??

All I can say is to seriously think about the option that leaves you the most flexibility. Often times that is academia; you don't have to have the traditional 9 to 5 (which these days is more like 8 to 6 for a lot of folks) and you can do a lot of your work on your own time in your own home. I absolutely love what I do and I spent a long time preparing to do it, but when it comes down to brass tacks, being a mom trumps everything else I've ever done. You can always go back to the "grind" and be a workhorse once your children are grown or at least more self-sufficient; you can't go the other way around and pound it out for the next 20 years, then decide it's time to start a family.

Alternatively, you could marry a stay-at-home dad .

Just my two cents. Balance is tricky but priceless when you can get the best of both worlds.
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Old 08-19-2011, 09:39 PM
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Pam --

I didn't catch your e-mail on the message, I must have just missed you (I think I was replying to Rubystars ) I sent you a private message with my e-mail contained, e-mail me anytime you like, I think that'd be lovely!

Cassie, I do remember VERY much what happened to you, haha! You know, in an ideal world, BF says he wouldn't mind at all being a stay-at-home Dad if he gets the job he wants (he's still working on it) that allows for work-at-home flexibility, so that may yet be an option And I am seriously thinking about what I want. It's actually not easy for someone in my field (basic science Ph.D.) to say "I'd like to teach" versus "I'd like to do research" because we're all shuffled through grad school on the assumption that we'll work at major research universities, even though only about 15% of us ever get there. What do the other 85% do? Hide under a rock? There's absolutely no guidance in other directions and it's really frustrating. I'm having a hard time finding anyone to ask about what sorts of experiences I should go for if I'd like to teach -- other than common sense of "teach more classes as a post-doctoral associate" (which my boss doesn't want me to do. She wants me in the lab.)

It's frustrating, but I'll get there! Somehow. A window or door will be opened. I just know that being a Mom is the one thing in the world I won't want to mess up when I get there. I don't mean being perfect... I mean being THERE.
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