Why is her husband trying to sabotage her? Is he insecure about his own weight perhaps?

Thanks everyone for checking in with me.
I had a very good vacation. Everything went well as we planned. We spent a few days up north, then flight to Saigon. Then we took a beach trip with my family (kind of like a family reunion). After that we travel to the countryside, visited my father side of the family. Then my husband went home and I stayed 10 days longer. Trip was great, but I gain 8 pounds in 4 weeks.
Now it's time to get serious.
Mai

I don't know what are you talking about.
But if my husband, I don't think he wants to sabotage me. He just doesn't diet, so he eats what he wants. Mostly what he wants are unhealthy. And I don't have much will power to stop myself.
He never forces me to eat nor stop me from eating. Eating is my decision.

Hi Mai, welcome back! I'm glad you had a wonderful time. I need to get serious again, too; my vacation is in a couple weeks and I need to feel comfortable in the bathing suit! It's good to see you post and know that you're back and ready for business.

Ok that's good. I was wondering about that. If he wants to eat unhealthy all the time though that's not good either for his own sake.

It's quite hard to get back in the rythyme of diet and exercise. I try slowly but I seem to eat too much carb.

Mai, get off the couch and burn some calories. You have been lazy for very long time. Vacation is over. You need to stop over eating and work your butt off those cals.
Geeze, is that so hard? You did it before, you can do it again.

GET OFF YOUR BUTT and RUN TODAY when your husband come home from work.

1,806 cal it is. and no running.

WOw. What are you thinking to get that second helping at dinner? Could have been better? Gotta start over tomorrow.

Ugh, more than 1800 cals again. Chezzz, can't I ever get back.

I have a date with a friend tomorrow at 6 am for a walk. I am rely on her to get me out of this mud.
Let's see what happen.

Mai, I think a lot of us have been stuck and struggling to get back recently. It's hard. If you can make yourself do it one day, the next is easier. The next after that is easier. Take it one day at a time.

Mai -- just coming over to give you props. I so hear your struggles and equate them with mine.

I often thing . . .CAN SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME SWITCH BRAINS WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES THIS NATURALLY??? A "Freaky Friday" for fitness? I really wish I was wired for wanting to eat well and work out all the time.

That said,
Going to work out, then shower, then off to make my lists and do some work!

Ang

Thanks, I finally got out and run/walk. My legs are now sore but I feel good.
Mai

Went for a cook out today. I didn't have any bread but quite full and have 2 beers.
Work out first thing in the morning.
Mai

I am back. Slowly I adjust my cals in take and add some exercise. I am up right now.
So my goal is lose 10% by Colummbus' day. 13lb or so. Seem a lots but I try to do my best. Diet Marathon LOL.
Mai

Here I am
 

I got back on track 6 weeks ago and have been struggle with to lose. Today, a friend of mine came over and we talk about lose weight. I tried to analy why I am struggle this time. I don't eat sweet, not chips, not soda, Look like i am a healthy eater. I like carbs a lot, eat quite fattening. My pie chart is a lot of fat.
What didn't I do this time? I didn't do exercise. Not as I should.
I want to set my goal here, and check in every night to report to myself to keep track of myself.

As of today 4/19/12
I am 142.6 : gain 0.6
I want to eat less fat, less refine grain, and more fruit and vegi
I want to work out 3 hours/week to start.

And I really gonna do it.
Mai

First thing first, the scale is my friend this morning 140.8 #. I am not sure what make it this low but hey I take it. I weight every morning. I know it will be more furstrated for some but for me it keep me on track. Especially with a low number will give me more motivate to stay on track.
I plan to walk this weekend but i can't now I may have to ride bike instead.
So plan for today is
1. Eat healthy (so far not too healthy), Salad for dinner will be better choice.
2. Ride bike tonight
3. Drink 2 - 16 oz glass of water more.

buy if u weigh every morning the days u get high number....is that gonna make u eat more and give up tho????????

This work for me. I usually freak out when I see the scale have higher number and slow down on cals.

Goal not meet. I have hamburger for dinner..... uhhh. Exceed my calories goal by 600
Well tomorrow is a new day, a fresh new start.

I won't give up.
Mai

140.8 again this morning. I am not complaint. Great actually, because I am over eat last night. Today, I am back on track. Calories wise 1500, 45 minutes hike. I am happy with it. I think I should try harder tomorrow.

Ok my weight jump up a little bit 141.8 for a few days. I continue to try but I think I eat too much carb. I tend to do good all day. But my husband want to go for Chinesse food. I just order stir fried spinach but I also eat some of the food he order. 1789 cals today.
I bought a Spinning DVD so I try out this morning and I like it very much. this is the way to go with my plantar faciitis.

I also bought some acai berry pill. I heard it help boost metabolism. I hope this push my weight loss progress a bit more.

Nothing to report except eat and eat and Eat and EAT. So fustrated!
Last night I surfed the internet about weight loss. I came across some infor that not so new anymore but I spent hours to read it. I also watched on youtube some show that I later think that is such a waste of time such as Dr. Phil about eating disorder, Super size vs super skinny, too fat for 15.... These show for sure doesn't help me to lose weight. But for some reason I feel very comforting. I feel like it reasure me that I can and I will do this journey all over again. But I actually can't because instead of watch those show I could just working out.

Anyway, after reading that article I feel like I found a weight loss bible. Here are the keys.
1. calories in vs calories out (in>out: gain, in<out: lose)
2. No fattening food, no white stuff, no sugar
3. No magical pill nor special diet
4. Can never stop watching your calories
Not new, I know this all along.
CAN I DO IT??????? I began doubt my will power, my ability, my everything. The weather is warmer now. This even make me more fustrated but I just can't do it. I can't fit in any of my summer clothes and I refuse to buy anything because I believe that I can get back down. I lost 4lbs then gain it back. I can't keep it down. I can't walk or run but I sure can bike but I didn't do. Do I need some tough love? Do I need Bob Harper, Jillian Micheal, yell at me? I don't know.
What am I going to do?

Enough talking I will jump off the chair now and go for 15 minutes biking. 1 minutes of the time now.

I did it
 

OMG! I did 20 minutes bike ride at midnight. Not the best time but I broke my laziness. Of course, this work out not end yet. Just the beginning, keep it up tomorrow.

Well Hopefully I can sleep now.

My menu for today:

Breakfast: 1egg (cook with no oil), and a piece of whole wheat toast
Snack: 1 pear
Lunch: Rice 1 C, pork chop 2oz, pork skin 1oz (high cals but can't resist), lettuce, tomato, cucumber
Snack: yogurt
Dinner: Rice 1 C, anchovy fish 3 oz, cauliflower.

Total cals: around 1400
I have to stick with it. No cheating whatsoever.

30 minutes bike.

Hi Mai,
Good job on the bike riding :p. I hope it helped your sleep.

If I could make a suggestion on your meal plan: I know rice is a big part of your normal eating routine, but you might think about replacing it from time to time with a different whole grain carb. Brown rice, quinoa, whole wheat noodles (or Mern's Dreamfields low carb) etc. You might find that you save a few calories that would allow you to eat a little more protein and maybe a little more fat. We all know that too much fat isn't good, but too little isn't good either. The additional fat really helps satisfy your tummy and keeps you feeling full longer.

Just a suggestion, feel free to ignore me ;)

Pam thanks for stopping by, any advice is deeply appreciated. That is my next step try to replace white rice. I did feed my kids whole wheat bread and they have not complaint. I do think that I eat too little protein, but the fat? I think I eat a bit too much. I always have like 40% or more fat. Maybe I didn't have good fat such come form nuts and avocado. mostly from fish, animal...

Mai

I ended up not follow to the exact menu that I planed. My friends came by and we had lunch together. I do measured the food but had a little more than I planed due to will power too weak. But the calories is very close or close enough 1526.
I did 30 minutes walk and 20 minutes spinning.
Effort for every minutes, hour, day...... are counting.

Another day, gotta make an effort
 

So I got on the scale this morning and it is 143.4 which is down 1 since last time but still 3 lb more than the last last time maybe 1 week ago. I have been consistantly eating of 1500-1600 and the weight go up and down. Is this mean that is the level of cals for my maintaince?
I try to experiment something new, 1200 a day. It will be tough. This mean I will have no room for white stuff, you know what I am talking about. But what the heck, if I want it bad enough, you gotta do it. So I have make my menu for today.

Breakfast: 1 whole egg (cook with no oil), 1 slice whole wheat bread, 1 pear, (243)
Lunch: Lettuce 1C, cucumber, Anchovy 3oz, caulifower 2C (244)
Snack: Almond (5 seed), 1 medium Apple (113)
I don't know what for dinner yet but I have 600 to work on
I update later.
Mai

Ok, Just finished lunch.
It's hard to watch the kids eat noodle soup for lunch. But I did stick to my schedule. I ate a bit more fish Now I have 540 cals for dinner.
Did 10 minutes pilate. STAY ON TRACK!!!

I ended eating a bit more than I planned. 1357 cals And I ended up eating rice. It's just so hard to resist.
This morning, I am super hungry when I woke up. I guess it's a good sight. I have some korean soup. I don't know how to log it but I don't think it's too much cals because there is beef and vegi and broth.

Yesterday, We went to a friend house for dinner. There wasn't a lot of food on the menu.
Chips and salsa
chicken fajitas with grill onion and pepper.
Cupcakes
They cook quite healthy, no oil at all on the onion and pepper. Also there a choice of tottilla (regular and low carb, high fiber 45 cals each).
Honestly I was fret about go in to this dinner, afraid to over eat. But I ended up have about 5 chips and 2 totillas with chicken and peppers, no cupcake.
I should have eaten 1 totilla but i can't help myself.
The scale is in my favor this morning 142.4, going down but still not 140.8.
Today we went to a Korean BBQ. And I estimated that I ate 4oz of beef and chicken with a bunch of vegi, 1/2 c rice and some pancake. the pancake has meat and seafood and flour, quite greasy. I think I was over eat because I felt full about 3/4 of the time into the meal and I said to my husband that "I am full", but I continued eating. i do not feel stuff but I know I should have stopped a bit earlier. My daughter on the other hand she said she was full and didn't eat another bite after she said that. I think that is the way we should behave.
Then we went to a birthday party. I was a bit hungry (but not tebbribly) I said I should stay away from the cake. I hid in the corner, however, the host offer me a piece of cake and I felt for it. I felt 80% Y and 20 % N. I felt shame and guilt. Then I thought I will just have a bite. But before I know it, the cake have gone. I wish I have stick to my gun.

You know what? Shame and guilt are the undoing of all of our best intentions. Here's what I suggest: It is a party... a little cake isn't a big deal. Just keep the serving small.

Instead of telling yourself what you "won't eat" and then feeling bad when you can't meet your expectations. Tell yourself what you "will eat".

I will eat 6 oz of chicken.
I will eat quinoa instead of white rice
I will eat 2 eggs for breakfast
I will eat a whole ton of steamed veggies for lunch.

You get the idea. I am guessing that the shame and guilt is causing you a whole lot more anxiety about food than is really warrented. Food is good, not the enemy. We just need to adjust our food selections and portions sizes and then celebrate all the good things about sharing a meal with those we love. ;)

Thanks Pam. Feel free to write any time. I am appreciate all advices. TO have an open journal is helping me to figure out why I am struggling. I have been really struggle in this time around. Thanks for your supporting. "good food choices " is my weakness. I should think more positively.
I have try to plan out 1200cals a day, But I can't stick to it. Seem very little for me. On the other hand 1500 doesn't make the scale move on my favor. Especially I did not work out too much.
I have figure out that I am not honest with myself. I have eaten a few bite here and there not on my plan. Does that really make a different? Yes, I think.
I tend to over my cals budget 200-300. So if I planed 1200, I am close to 1400. If I plan 1500, I am close to 1700. I think I should plan for 1200 from now on so if I am over board 200 I still 1400. I know this sounds crazy, right?
Why shouldn't I just honest with myself? Doesn't that make things much simpler? Why don't I just go down to business? I did it before. Why this time is so hard? I don't know.
A family reunion coming up in 2 weeks. I know the food choices will be bad. I am already scared. I really need a plan to at least maintain what I have. I am sure I can't lose weight in vacation. I also need to buy some clothes. I can't fit in my summer clothes.

Today is another day, 1200 that is.

So, My husband and the kids will hike through the wood to McDonnals. I stay behind. I don't think I am strong enough to choose something like fruit snack instead of bagel with sausage egg and cheese, or biscuit with fried chicken (my favorite). I felt a bit lonely because we always together on Sunday morning.
But I make myself a fried egg with 3 second spray oil and 1oz of Ham. Later I can have some papaya.

I need to stay away from bad stuff for now.

The day is end. Not 1200, not 1400. It's 1660.

Keep your chin up. Things will get better. :)

Thanks Mad,
Just have to be patience and keep your ground. It's will come slowly. I have to remind me that I didn't gain all back over night. It took me 8-9 months to gain all this. I need to allow at least that long to take off. End of May will be 3 months since I started.
What a day I have today. I found out that my daughter has lice. So disgusting, she got like a million of them in her head. I spend the whole day wash all the sheets and treated her head, her brother head, and mine. Calories wise is good.
Today is a good day. I didn't eat as plan however, I end the day with 1260. Very good I supposed. I will be in bed early so no more cals.

141.6 this morning. Only 1lb more to my lowest. Hopefully I will see that number at the end of the week. Below 140 when I go on a family reunion.

Good for you, Lastri. You really are sticking with it. Congrats on your accomplishment.

hmmm, it looks like the more distracted you are, the less you are focused on food - pretty common. Maybe you just need a couple of new hobbies;)

So True. I am got distracted and totally forget the food. I need to keep busy.