Crimpet

My husband is trying to tempt me to eat sweets from the bakery when he gets off work. He's describing them to me and everything.. I'm seriously trying not to cave in because I have between 4-600 calories left for todays limit and I havn't had dinner yet. I'm trying my best to avoid it because I know once I get a taste I'll blow through the entire box and trick myself into believing I can exercise it off, but after I've eaten it all I'll be angry at myself for caving. He knows I'm putting all my efforts into losing weight, he sees me weighing all my food all day. He says he knows I want to lose weight, but doesn't think I need to, and says he feels bad that I'm depriving myself of sweets. He also says how he likes seeing me happy after I've had sweets, but what I've explained is 'Yes, I'm happy while I'm eating them, but miserable after I've eaten it. I got this way for a reason, and I'm trying not to cave. Turkey makes such AMAZİNG sweets to the likes which I've never seen in the USA...so it's my best dream and worst nightmare. He's not meaning to be mean but OMGosh! HELP!!

cjohnson728

What about telling him to go ahead and enjoy a treat on behalf of both of you, and that your enjoyment will be from making a good decision for yourself?

Is he understanding enough that if you explained all of this to him, he would be helpful instead of sabotaging? There are so many other ways he could make you happy, I'm sure, if you explained that food isn't something you feel healthy eating for emotional reasons.

Sounds like a minefiled to walk through, all those wonderful delicacies.

Crimpet

I just tried to explain seriously why I'm trying to avoid them, and why I'm trying to lose weight. My grandmother has cancer, and her entire life was full of homemade pies, and fried chicken. Even vegies were soaked in ham fat for flavor. I look at her and I see myself if I don't make these changes. Obesity is something that plagues all the women in my moms side of the family. So, this is the only thing that helps me keep my head. He's in a country where most of the population is sooooo thin until they hit their 60-70's, so he's not use to seeing someone overwieght battle themselves for weightloss. I think I may have gotten it through to him just now, but only time will tell. I feel like I've explained it a dozen times. I asked him why he suddenly brought up the bakery (he's more of a salt lover not a sweet lover like me) and he said it was because he's actually craving sweets, and thought I'd want some.

I told him he could get sweets, but if we could either find out if they have sugar free, or if we could go to the seed store and get some dried fruit for myself, I'd feel better. I also pulled my frozen yogurt out of the freezer to kick the cravings I now have. lol So, hopefully I can battle this. I just keep my Grandmas image in my mind. She just went into remission for the second time in 4 years.

Still have an hour before we go. I will be battling this for several hours. I atleast stuck to my other goal of not nagging or telling him off this week lol I politely discussed it

cjohnson728

It's tough, Crimpet, I'm sorry you are having such a struggle on your hands. Sometimes all you can do is agree to disagree..."I know you may not see, it, so I'm asking you to just trust my judgment that this is what I need" kind of thing.

Pull out your old willpower o' steel and do the best you can. You can do it! Hey, if you got past the urge to nag, you can beat sweets, no problem

cjohnson728

Crimpet, what an awful experience. Take a deep breath, you'll get through this.

First off, remind yourself that a few bites of even solid chocolate isn't going to completely set you back to square one. It's more calories than you planned, but it's also not ten pounds worth of food. I know the bigger issue, probably, is that it will set off all sorts of cravings for you, and I think that the anxiety about that is what is making you feel panicky right now. Have you been able to stop, or are you headed down the road to endless sweet munching? Whichever, you can choose to stop at any time, though that takes a lot of strength.

Obviously after the weeks I've been having, I am not the world's foremost authority on how to stop the train that has left the tracks. But if I were in your shoes, I'd try to pull together an emergency plan. Yours will vary depending on you, but mine might look something like planning out the rest of the day's food, planning tomorrow's, and asking your husband to hide the rest of the sweets. Journaling, if it helps. Getting into the bathtub with a good book, to get away from food, if it helps. Smart substitutions, like fruit or frozen yogurt. Whatever is tried and true for you.

It is really hard to explain food issues to people who don't have issues with food. Sometimes all you can do is look them sqaure in the eye and say, "I know you don't understand, but I'm just asking you to respect my decisions and trust me to make the choices I'm making." Sometimes you can say, "I need help; here's how to help me. I know it seems weird to you, but trust me this is what I need." Sometimes it's also helpful to acknowledge, "I know you love me and you think that this is the way to show it. But that doesn't work for me. Here's what I need."

I hope by the time this posts you're feeling better. I'm sorry it's been so rough.

mecompco

I have taken a zero tolerance stance on sweets/bakery items. I know it's not the solution for everyone, but it works for me. If someone offers something of this type I simply keep repeating "no thank you" until they stop (and they will, eventually).

As someone with an eating disorder, I need to know my limitations. "Normal" people probably don't need to be this extreme, but then "normal" people don't usually end up weighing over 400 pounds.

Regards,
Michael

Crimpet

Thank you both for your support and understanding..

It's just frustrating to me that something that turned out so lighthearted became a really bad argument later. I did stop myself after the bite because I had his mom take it out with her. She still doesn't understand why I can't eat the sweets or that she shouldn'T compare my weight loss diet to what she thinks someone else's is. After discussing the situation further with my husband we finally came to the agreement that him nor his mother will tell me to 'eat more' or push foods/sweets on me. This has been a problem for 2 years which has landed me in this state. I got here from my obsession with food, my inability to say 'no', and allowing myself to believe I wasn't overweight because they were being too kind. I finally realized I had to do something because I'm limited on clothes in a country where my size is hard as heck to find.

So, though I am glad I didn't have anything to eat at all due to the 'fake' chocolate covered strawberries, I'm upset that it became this big of a problem due to a lack of understanding and thoughtfulness.

I still have to talk to his mom tomorrow, but I think once I can explain what it's like to have an eating disorder I think she may eventually get it. I just hate when I feel like I've been so melodramatic over things like this, when in fact it's a bigger problem that causes it which makes me soooo emotional.

And I admit I now owe 5 pushups due to my goal this week ofSmile more..Bitch Less..I have to do 5 pushups every time I Bitch.
Atleast those will burn off the calories from biting into fudge..

Thank you for the support and advice