How can I feel good?

Old 11-20-2010, 08:33 AM
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Question How can I feel good?

I have a live in boyfriend. I always think I'm not good enough for him. My boyfriend is 130 lbs. I'm 162lbs. I hate standing in front of things the reflect. Cause you can you see that I am way bigger. It upsets him when I can only see the bad of my body. Hell he can see all good. So what can make me feel good? I don't need you look pretty and all that stuff. I use that on my friends. I need a way to feel good. So I don't have to always and I mean always feel bad. Hey maybe 162lbs isn't bad. Is it? At this point I don't know. I just want to accept myself for who I am. Please someone help?
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Old 11-20-2010, 11:04 AM
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Hi Bia,

You really need to work on your self esteem girl! You need to do this for YOU not for your boyfriend.

Start off slow and try to find something else to think about. Do you like art? Or maybe you could join a yoga or exercise class. You could play a sport. You could even do it with your boyfriend so he can encourage you. Even romantic walks together help.

Maybe if you focus on a fun way to do exercise rather than worry about being fat, it will seem less tedious.

162 lbs is not the end of the world. It is surmountable...provided you even need to lose weight since you didn't mention your height.

I was slim when I dated my husband...he never dated "overweight" girls. Well guess what? I gained a lot after the birth of our child, now a teenager. I have been up and down the diet rollercoaster.

My husband encourages me when I need it. He tells me he loves my curves. Some days I feel crappy about myself too but you have to get past it and move on, otherwise it becomes a vicious circle.

You sound really down. Have you seen a doctor? Maybe your thyroid is out of whack...that can cause the blues and difficulty in losing weight. Maybe your doc can offer some advice/help. He/she can also tell you if you need to lose weight.

Try looking through your boyfriend's eyes for a day...wear something sexy...enjoy who you are.

I always feel better wearing red...it is a happy colour that reflects off my face.

Good luck and remember we are here to help each other...
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Old 11-20-2010, 01:03 PM
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You sister need to have a pick-me-up of some sort, this cannot go on any longer. I look one way, but how I feel about myself is completely unrelated to my appearance. I have qualities that can't been seen by just looking at me, and unless you're a vacuous super-model I'll bet you do to. So maybe you should sit down and make a list of your positive qualities, like maybe you're honest or a great friend or bake a fabulous cherry chocolate dessert. Whatever, just make the list and hang in on a mirror in such a way that it covers up what you don't want to see.

There are also other things that make me feel better when I'm in the dumper. I feel good after I work out, so go put in a few laps at the track or throw on your gym clothes and do a workout video. I also feel really great after a little beauty fix, so call and make an appointment and get your hair or nails done, maybe a massage? I'll bet the boyfriend could be tapped for something like that eh? I often step into the local salon for a hot wax hand dip. My hands crack really bad in the winter, so it's very helpful and I find the exercise of sitting quietly with my hands wrapped in hot towels very relaxing. Plus it only costs $3.

Another thing I'm going to throw out there is to find something to do that you have a passion for. Something that would set you apart from the masses and completely get your mind off the areas of your life that you are at odds with. Maybe you take a gourmet cooking class, or become a yoga instructor or maybe learn to fly a plane. Maybe your passion lies in philanthropy, and you donate your time on Christmas Eve taking care packages to the needy, or collecting pop cans to donate to the local school or church. Just find something, a cause, a passion, a goal and preoccupy your mind with that whenever you get in the dumper over your weight. Believe me making yourself depressed will not help your weight loss journey.
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Old 11-20-2010, 11:33 PM
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I have spent most of my life ( I am 56) being told over and over and believing it to be true.. that I am worthless, unlovable, a mistake, and wouldnt amount to anything anyone would find of value.

At one point in my childhood, my father screamed in my face as he was shoving food into my mouth.. I hope you eat so much you explode and die!.

I am not going to lie to you and tell you that if you say positive affirmations to yourself every day, you will suddenly see how wonderful you are. It takes a long long long long time to start to believe it. But the important thing is to start believing. The way I had to start was to find/make a friend and had to let them believe for me that I was worthwhile and lovable. And one day, somewhere down a long road of having to tell myself I was OK because my friend thought so, I found myself saying I am OK just because I am. And then I was able to start my journey.

I still have periods of time I forget, or disbelieve that I am OK... but once I sit down and remind myself all the people who call me friend/ then I once again realize everyone I know cant be wrong all at once.

The important thing is to start believing. Find one feature about yourself you like. Nice hair? Like your eye color? Have nice nails? find one thing you like and are proud of.. and build on that! I am sure you have more than one, but try starting with one and convince yourself it really IS a great feature of you.
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Old 11-21-2010, 12:01 AM
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130 is really really skinny for a guy, I know, my husband was 130 when I married him. He's not real tall, about 5' 7", but still he used to never wear anything but full length jeans even in 95 degree humid Michigan summer heat because he was self conscious of the chicken legs (his words, it never bothered me). So don't compare yourself to that. Also don't compare yourself to what you see on TV or in magazines, they have whole teams of lighting professionals, makeup artists, hairdressers, photographers, and airbrush/photoshop artists making them look good, not to mention plastic surgery.

It would help to know your height, but 162 doesn't sound horribly large. Throw out the scale anyway. Focus on how you feel physically. If you can get outside for a long walk, that's a good place to start. Take up Pilates or weight training and you'll feel yourself getting stronger in just a few weeks. Find something you LIKE about yourself to focus on. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help, so if you think you might need to see a professional, PLEASE don't ignore that thought. Even if you're afraid of being put on medication, don't be, often meds are only temporary until you get a better handle on things. I've been on antidepressants before, but I'm not anymore. I'm in a much better place and I don't need them now, but back then I couldn't see how much I DID need them until after I'd started taking them.

Visit us here often, we're all in this together, and this is a very welcoming place to come to.
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Old 11-21-2010, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by GameGal View Post
I have spent most of my life ( I am 56) being told over and over and believing it to be true.. that I am worthless, unlovable, a mistake, and wouldnt amount to anything anyone would find of value.

At one point in my childhood, my father screamed in my face as he was shoving food into my mouth.. I hope you eat so much you explode and die!.

I am not going to lie to you and tell you that if you say positive affirmations to yourself every day, you will suddenly see how wonderful you are. It takes a long long long long time to start to believe it. But the important thing is to start believing. The way I had to start was to find/make a friend and had to let them believe for me that I was worthwhile and lovable. And one day, somewhere down a long road of having to tell myself I was OK because my friend thought so, I found myself saying I am OK just because I am. And then I was able to start my journey.

I still have periods of time I forget, or disbelieve that I am OK... but once I sit down and remind myself all the people who call me friend/ then I once again realize everyone I know cant be wrong all at once.

The important thing is to start believing. Find one feature about yourself you like. Nice hair? Like your eye color? Have nice nails? find one thing you like and are proud of.. and build on that! I am sure you have more than one, but try starting with one and convince yourself it really IS a great feature of you.
Wow Pam you are amazing! How you managed to get through that is unbelievable! How sad when someone has personal issues like your dad, they end up taking it out on others.

Keep up the great work! You are a true inspiration!
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Old 11-21-2010, 06:42 PM
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Your character says more about you than your looks. Continue to develop that. Find a hobby develope that too. If you really want to lose weight, research the healthy way to accomplish that, focus on what your body CAN do, not how it looks.

Remember, EVERYONE has issues with some part of their body. Learning how toaccept it helps with self esteem. Mine is scars I have from a car accident, I try to view them as signs that I'm a fighter and I can handle anything that life throws my way.
You are important here!
Best wishes!


Pam, I wish I could take away your past and all of your pain. You are important here, too.
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Old 11-21-2010, 10:59 PM
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Awww thanks! Telling me that just warmed my heart
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Old 11-21-2010, 11:42 PM
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Please don't compare yourself to your boyfriend, sister. First of all, as someone said above, 130 is very thin for a man. Secondly, men are flat... We as women, have beautiful curves Be proud of what you have. I'm sure you are gorgeous inside and out!!
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Old 11-22-2010, 06:46 AM
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Default Since 2 people asked...

I am 5 feet and 1 inch
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