What my husband did . . .
10-14-2010, 06:22 AM
#31
FitDay Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,742
Congratulations Blackrhino, I'm totally psyched for you!!! New place, mentally healthy-ish new room mate, a solid door and lock between you and old nut job room mate with the landlord on board to boot! All that and NO BINGING!!! It's win-win-win in your corner this week. I applaud your strength in the situation and I raise my artificially sweetened ice tea in your direction, cheers baby!
Brandismom, I'm so sorry that you're having difficult issues with your spouse. I'm sending mojo your way for DH to get a new good friend that intrudes on your home and time off, only the new good friend will be hot and ripped all over and think you're adorable... And yes, for the record I am that evil. My husband has a couple of irritating friends too, one I wished to perdition, and guess what? He got transferred to AZ (where it's hotter than hell). Coincidence? Not likely. A few others were just ooky enough to make my skin crawl and one by one they got hung in the parsons noose, right after I squinted and wrinkled my nose at them. Coincidence? Not by my calculations.
Darlean, what works best with my DH is communication. If I say to him "I'm going to workout at the gym tomorrow at 8:00am". Then he knows what to expect, where if I jump up Saturday morning, throw on my gym clothes and head for the door he's like "hey, where are you going?". And I always clench my teeth at that tone. I also find that if I spell something out very very clearly with facts then he can't argue about it, grumble/complain yes, argue - not so much. For example the recommended intake on orange vegetables is 3x weekly, so when DH says "ugh, squash again?" I can say "this is your second serving of orange vegetables this week, and we're having sweet potatoes Friday, if you want to complain anymore, you're welcome to make dinner tomorrow night". So I think it would be perfectly acceptable when you head for a soak in the tub to say something to him like "I'm going to soak and meditate in the tub for one hour, please don't disturb me for any reason". Sometimes men need to have it spelled out very clearly. Try that and see if you can't make some headway. I think there is a book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". While I don't agree with everything in the book, the advice it gives on dealing with men has certainly helped me.
Brandismom, I'm so sorry that you're having difficult issues with your spouse. I'm sending mojo your way for DH to get a new good friend that intrudes on your home and time off, only the new good friend will be hot and ripped all over and think you're adorable... And yes, for the record I am that evil. My husband has a couple of irritating friends too, one I wished to perdition, and guess what? He got transferred to AZ (where it's hotter than hell). Coincidence? Not likely. A few others were just ooky enough to make my skin crawl and one by one they got hung in the parsons noose, right after I squinted and wrinkled my nose at them. Coincidence? Not by my calculations.
Darlean, what works best with my DH is communication. If I say to him "I'm going to workout at the gym tomorrow at 8:00am". Then he knows what to expect, where if I jump up Saturday morning, throw on my gym clothes and head for the door he's like "hey, where are you going?". And I always clench my teeth at that tone. I also find that if I spell something out very very clearly with facts then he can't argue about it, grumble/complain yes, argue - not so much. For example the recommended intake on orange vegetables is 3x weekly, so when DH says "ugh, squash again?" I can say "this is your second serving of orange vegetables this week, and we're having sweet potatoes Friday, if you want to complain anymore, you're welcome to make dinner tomorrow night". So I think it would be perfectly acceptable when you head for a soak in the tub to say something to him like "I'm going to soak and meditate in the tub for one hour, please don't disturb me for any reason". Sometimes men need to have it spelled out very clearly. Try that and see if you can't make some headway. I think there is a book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". While I don't agree with everything in the book, the advice it gives on dealing with men has certainly helped me.
Last edited by almeeker; 10-14-2010 at 06:26 AM.
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10-16-2010, 12:18 AM
#35
FitDay Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 64
Thanks
thank you brandismom1990 and almeeker and the others who have given fantastic advice. I'm going to implement so many of your good suggestions. They all make so much sense. It really is hard sometimes to see something clearly when you're right in the middle of it. I usually think of the the "good stuff" to say or do after the opportunity has passed. With all of your help I think I can take a step back, have a deep cleansing breath, and manage my situation. Men really are just big self-absorbed teenagers, aren't they?
10-17-2010, 04:44 AM
#36
FitDay Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 334
ok, here's a painfully funny note about what my hubby did. yesterday, i was upstairs on the computer, when he called me to go down fast because puppy needed to go out and he couldn't go with him. first time, i kinda ignored him, but then he insisted that i need to go fast, so, rushing down the stairs, i fell down, and hurt my tail bone so bad. since then, he's been so sorry and babysitting me so much. i'm still hurt, but kinda happy that he got scared and hopeflly not to call any of us downstairs like that. sounds childish i know, but ...
10-17-2010, 05:30 AM
#37
FitDay Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,742
thank you brandismom1990 and almeeker and the others who have given fantastic advice. I'm going to implement so many of your good suggestions. They all make so much sense. It really is hard sometimes to see something clearly when you're right in the middle of it. I usually think of the the "good stuff" to say or do after the opportunity has passed. With all of your help I think I can take a step back, have a deep cleansing breath, and manage my situation. Men really are just big self-absorbed teenagers, aren't they?
10-18-2010, 02:21 AM
#39
FitDay Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 184
Julia, so glad to hear you moved out! I really hope for you that this nasty woman will leave you alone now. Best of luck with the new roomie! And as Cassie said: take a deep breath - the worst is behind you 
10-20-2010, 07:08 AM
#40
FitDay Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 61
Just a quick vent
My husband has been very supportive in my weight loss journey, keeps me accountable for working out, comments when things fit better and is over all a positive partner when it comes to this. I do have one minor grievence though and I know there is nothing he can do to change it but I need to get my frustration out anyway.
We were discussing calorie intake and what not and decided to see what he would need to maintain his curent body weight (this was a week ago monday) he is 6'3" and weight 158 pounds. He is a contractor by trade so I understand this is a very physical job and put in his fitness level at the highest it could be, it told me he would need 3400 calories a day to maintain his current weight. During the past week I have logged everything he has eaten as best I can, it averaged about 5200 calories a day. Now just so you all know this was not all junk, he eats fairly well he just has enormous portions of everything. Not to say that he doesn't eat crap he does, but for the most part it wasn't. He was at the doctors about 2 months ago and cholesterol,BP and everything else was fine.
I was already annoyed enough that he can eat that many calories with no side effects so you can imagine how pissed ( but in a good spirited way) I was when he hopped on the scales today and he has lost 4 pounds!!!!
All I can say is I wish I had that mans metabolism and that is my rant for this afternoon!!
Andrea
We were discussing calorie intake and what not and decided to see what he would need to maintain his curent body weight (this was a week ago monday) he is 6'3" and weight 158 pounds. He is a contractor by trade so I understand this is a very physical job and put in his fitness level at the highest it could be, it told me he would need 3400 calories a day to maintain his current weight. During the past week I have logged everything he has eaten as best I can, it averaged about 5200 calories a day. Now just so you all know this was not all junk, he eats fairly well he just has enormous portions of everything. Not to say that he doesn't eat crap he does, but for the most part it wasn't. He was at the doctors about 2 months ago and cholesterol,BP and everything else was fine.
I was already annoyed enough that he can eat that many calories with no side effects so you can imagine how pissed ( but in a good spirited way) I was when he hopped on the scales today and he has lost 4 pounds!!!!
All I can say is I wish I had that mans metabolism and that is my rant for this afternoon!!
Andrea
