Losing Respect for your parents

Old 09-17-2010, 06:25 PM
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Ouch! I'm sorry you're going through all this and, yes, there are a lot of people who have issues with their folks! Since I was involved in ACOA many years ago, I will share that it did help. Even people whose parents aren't alcoholics can find much wisdom there. You don't necessarily have to take that route, but I learned tools to 1) treat myself better and 2) forgive and move on. If you decide that's not for you, I'd still try surrounding myself with positive, nurturing people. When you were young you had no choice but to stay, but now that you are an adult yourself you've got more choices, thank goodness.
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Old 09-17-2010, 11:46 PM
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Sometimes (and especially in this economy) a paycheck is a paycheck, even if that job isn't where you want to stay. Get hired somewhere, anywhere, for now. You'll at least be earning pay and adding to your resume, and giving yourself the ability to get the hell out. Independence is a wonderful gift to give yourself. You can't change your mom, but you can change your circumstances. Good luck.
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Old 09-19-2010, 05:10 AM
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Sorry your mom is making bad choices.

You're a grown up. Your mom is a grown up. It's time to stop treating her like your mom and start treating her like another adult acquaintance. She needs to earn back the right to be a person you respect. You need to earn her respect by being a grown up and making your own life without her.

Move out when you can. Until then, disconnect as well as you can - limit her impact on you.

My parents' home was toxic, I moved out at 18 while in college. Tough? Yes. But my GPA went up, my health issues went away, because my stress was way reduced and my confidence increased. I've seen it in many people. You have to be able to not freak out about how other adults live their lives or you will carry too many burdens on your own shoulders.
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Old 09-28-2010, 09:02 PM
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Since our last blowout I took all of your advice and further separated myself from her. I stopped speaking to her about the events in my life and most definitely stopped opening up to her. Today she's home sick from work so we had a superficial conversation that included her saying f*** you to me. Very nice. I left to pick up my dogs medication and on the way I decided that this relationship is irreparable. We are two different people who don't get along, that is all. Its taken me a long time to get to this point. It's like an on and off relationship with a boyfriend that you finally decide you've had enough. It's impossible for me to completely stop speaking to her as I unfortunately can't move out yet. Its a rough road but I'll get there. All of your support helping me in a way you can't imagine. Thank you!
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Old 10-04-2010, 03:19 PM
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Good luck Melyna: she's ill; mine's ill. Once I set boundaries of what was acceptable to me WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY about it, it got easier. Keeping her in my life, ON MY TERMS, was the healthiest for me...this way, I can learn about myself...learn what she taught me through osmosis that I need to unlearn. You too deserve a happy, calm life despite her.

I've found that getting mad at the psychologically-impaired, is like shaking my fist at God. Not good. We don't get mad at people for being physically-impaired. My efforts now focus on being my best; letting her anger/illness/comments slide off my back; and losing this weight is the last thing to unlearn. Trying to fix her WASTED the first 40 years of my life; she doesn't get anymore of them; she had her life to live/waste...this one belongs to me.

All the best!
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Old 10-04-2010, 03:56 PM
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My mom is like this on some levels as well. I am 30 and it has taken me until last year to really accept the way she is with things. She is the type of person that will help you with anything but then throw it in your face the next moment....or takes everything personally when it has nothing to do with her. So she tries and turns things into an argument. I have learned that even though I don't like her when she is this way, she is not going to change. So instead of thinking that me talking to her about her issues will do any good, I just accept things and change the way I react to them. easier said than done since family always knows how to push all your buttons right?? But stay strong, distance yourself and try and move on with your life to do whats best for you. Post on blogs, talk to friends, leave notes for yourself, etc. to keep you on the right track and positive. The rest will fall into place.

Good luck and hang in there!
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