Hello there!

Old 07-19-2010, 06:19 PM
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Hi, first off I want to introduce myself, my name is Genevieve, I'm 20 years old and I'm studying civil engineering. Well I wanted to share my story here with you guys. I've always been a little fat ever since I was 13, that's why I've always been a shy girl, and also I've never had a boyfriend.

Well a couple months ago I started losing weight, currently my weight is 130 punds , my height is 5'4 .
Lately guys have been asking me out , but I still feel so insecure about myself, I dont know , I still feel like I need to lose like at least 13 pounds more,
I'd love to meet people who are on the same situation as me, so we can suport each other.
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Old 07-19-2010, 07:20 PM
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Oooooh nelly, you hit the jackpot with that Civil Engineering program. I was a double major in graduate school, architecture and Civ E, I never got asked out so much in my entire life! It was absolutely unbelievable, I've always been a little chubby and a lot short. At one point I asked a guy friend of mine what gives. He pointed out the fact that in the entire Civ E program there were only 4 women and of the 4, only two actually looked like women, and of those 2, only one spoke English. Then he looked me right in the eye and said "Coffee? I'm buying."

I guess the best advice I can give you is to only go out with the ones that you really like, no magic - no date. Smart geeky types can be rather persistent and even a little creative, so the last thing you want to do is to encourage someone you have absolutely no interest in. Also I wouldn't mix business with pleasure, so don't go dating any of the profs or their TA's. Other than that, have a good time and be safe. People that say "high school is the time of your life", clearly never went to college...

130 pounds at 5'-4" is probably an ideal weight for you, so I wouldn't sweat the 13 pounds. If it comes off fine, but I would be willing to bet that 130 is smack dab in the middle of the healthy weight zone for you.
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Old 07-19-2010, 07:21 PM
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Hi Yuffie, how are you? In my experience guys don't really care about your weight...they care about how you feel about your weight. These guys are obviously asking you out because they are attracted to you, and it probably hasn't crossed their minds at all that you want to lose 13 more pounds. It sounds like you're being WAY harder on yourself than anyone else would be on you (I find that's fairly typical for women). If you are interested in the guys asking you out, you should go on a date. That might help you feel better about the weight you're at now. Getting that confidence is what's going to change your perception of your body. If you lose that 13 pounds but still don't have the confidence, the weight itself isn't going to make you happy. Does that make sense? Try focusing on the things that you like about yourself. Also, focus on the things that these guys must like about you. Remember that confidence isn't necessarily related to weight. If you can start seeing yourself in a different light, it will help your body image. And while the 13 pounds may put you in a healthier weight range (I have no idea what a healthy range for your body would be), you'll still have to focus on building that confidence.
When I was your age I felt the same way. I had to learn to feel confident about myself (extra weight and all) before I felt comfortable with myself.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining this well. :-)
Good luck!
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Old 07-19-2010, 11:10 PM
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Thanks! I think you guys are right

But still I can't find that confidence to go out with anybody right now

Actually I think it has something to do with a guy I liked.

so this is the story, We first meet on a dynamic class, we happened to be on the same group, since then we started being very good friends, he would tell me his problems with girls and stuff and I told him everything about me, I never opened up to somebody like that in my life, he was the first guy in my life who told me that I was beautiful, and back then that meant the world to me.
Then things started to get strange, he started this little gamelike thing, that he would call me "love" , he started to hold my hand all the time, and hugging me, I let him, because I didn't really know how to say no.

I always knew this was just a game, because he always said that, and also because I knew that a guy like him would never really like a girl like me, but even though I started to fell for him, started to think what if this game had some of true behind it, what if...

So I started this look for perfection, at least to look perfect enough for him, and I started losing weight so that he would like me, but even when I lost weight he never did, he even started dating another girl, and that affected my autoestim so bad.

I now don't have the confidence to go out with anybody, even though other guys ask me out I would always say no.

Lately he's been trying to play that game again with me, trying to hold my hand and everything, but i don't let him, bc even though I'm still in love with him, I dont wanna be back to that same situation because it makes me suffer, I dont know what to do..
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Old 07-19-2010, 11:48 PM
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Genevieve,

Hey there, I just wanted to add in my 2 cents. First, at 5'4" and 130, that's definitely not a bad weight. Good golly, you could probably sculpt the heck out of your body. For a confidence booster, you should try to add a weight lifting program, and see how it works for you. I always feel better when I know I'm getting stronger. Weight training is all about you, building strength is a individual goal. It's only you versus the weights, it has nothing to do with anyone else, and it's only about what you can personally accomplish. Knowing that this is your strength will help you focus more on yourself, rather than trying to do it for someone else.

Second. I hate to say this, but you are completely within the friend zone. And your friend has to learn boundaries. It's almost as if you're his backup girl. It's good that you're keeping your distance, and I know that it hurts because you still love him. But he, like most guys I know, is attracted to inner confidence. Which will only shine through once you believe in yourself more. Maintain those boundaries, maybe tell him straight up, "hey I like you, but I can't keep going on like this". Sometimes, just by you stating this out loud to the person can lessen the intensity of your feelings.

Third. Another way to build up confidence is to "fake it until you make it". Meaning, whenever you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, think something along the lines of "yeah, I'm a bad @$$". And keep repeating it, it might also put a little swagger in your hips too. Seriously, try it. You won't believe it at first, and you might feel a little retarded, but stating (in your mind) these positive affirmations will slowly build up to something you can believe. When I get extremely nervous (e.g. public speaking, going to a party where I don't know a single soul), I always psych myself up, and everything else falls into line. It works.

Fourth. Accept those dates with other guys! No seriously. Yeah, you're in love with your guy friend, and it might not be fair to the other guys, yadda yadda. This is building experience. You will learn what you like, and what you don't. You might also find someone who you can honestly love (and someone who can love you back) instead of maintaining an imaginary relationship with your guy friend. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. I've been through it.)

Fifth. Get out. Go somewhere, join a club, get a part-time/work study job, etc. Get out of your head, and out of your element.

Okay, so yes, this was a long response and I hope I've given you some ideas that could help. In sum:

1. Build strength. Get strong. Fortify your outside.
2. Maintain boundaries with said guy friend.
3. Fake it until you make it. Build your inside.
4. Accept dates with other guys.
5. Get social.

Genevieve, I wish you the best of luck. Oh, yeah, one last important thing: HAVE FUN.
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Old 07-20-2010, 04:28 AM
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Great job on the weight loss! I weight 130 in high school, and in pictures, I looked pretty thin. Like others have said, you could tone with weights and look even better without losing more weight.

How exciting that guys are asking you out! Go ahead and say yes. You might find a boyfriend, or maybe a good friend. Either way, you'll learn what you want in a boyfriend from how these guys treat you.

Good luck!
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Old 07-21-2010, 05:15 AM
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iceland77 thank you, you had the exact words, I'll always keep on mind everything you said, and yeah you guys are right I'll start living my life and even though forgetting about this guy will be hard Idc I will try it and go out with other people, thank you so much.

Good luck to u too! LEt's have lots of fun!!
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