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freddieshoney 10-05-2011 07:27 PM

Does anyone else feel lost
Okay so I am a 26 year old mother of 4, and I am engaged and have been engaged to my fiancee sense we were together for 3 months we have been engaged for 6 years. I just feel lost like I have no accomplishments and I have no life, I feel like I don't know where I am going and if I did I wouldn't even know how to get there. There are so many things I dream of doing but I can't get my life organized enough to do anything it is a struggle everyday. My greatest accomplishment is my children they are truly amazing and what I live for everyday but it just feels like when I explain that I am a stay at home momma that people look down on me for that when I believe it is a blessing to raise my children and to me it is a 24 hour a day job it is non stop.
Now that I have decided to loose weight and trust me I need to I am 300 lbs and it is crazy but my not over weight fiancee loves the way I look and I am scared that if I loose the weight he may not be interested in me anymore, and I know he loves me it is a fear I have always had with him. I am just lost and need someone to talk to, I need to figure out where to go and what to do.
Sorry for the rambling just trying to figure some things out.m

mecompco 10-05-2011 09:51 PM

Welcome! My wife is your size now and I love her big or small (as she does me). I really don't think your significant other would mine you getting healthier. Have you talked to him?

300 isn't that bad, but it's not good, healthwise. And it's not hard for the problem to get worse (been there, done that).

Your weight should not define you, but it can limit what you can do--at least it did for me. It's pretty tough to have much ambition or stamina when it takes 99% of your energy to haul around the extra weight. If you get serious about using FitDay and lose 100 pounds (or more) I think you'd see a night and day difference in your energy and outlook on life.

Believe me, I know what it's like and I wish you the best. If you need help coming up with an eating plan, just say the word.


dear_abby 10-05-2011 10:14 PM

I think we all feel lost at times, and I think you are couragous for being a stay at home mom, when you are feeling that others look down on you. You seem in a really bad place right now, and writing about it may be very good for you – (beats eating or drinking!).
I won’t offer advice, just say, a lot of people will encourage you, and I hope to see less of you

freddieshoney 10-05-2011 10:31 PM

Micheal I can take any help I can get trust me but I am proud of myself today and I will loose this weight I want to be healthier for my children not just me imagine chasing around a 2 3 and 4 year old this over weight but I manage it I would just love for it to be easier.
Abby thank you so very much you brought a smile to my face...:D

taubele 10-06-2011 02:58 PM

Oh, big hugs across the internet for you!

I think it's completely normal to feel lost. I'm 28, and I went the opposite of you - I went for a Ph.D. and have put off kids, a house, getting engaged, everything for a career track ---- and most days, I feel just as lost. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing or if I made the right decisions. I get looked down on for NOT being married or having a family yet. Sometimes we just can't win :)

But you have to just kind of look deep inside and realize all of the good things about your life. It's obvious that you love your children, and you love your fiance too, because you're considering him in the big decision to lose weight/get healthier. I think that, as Michael said, if he loves you as well, the size won't matter as much as your feelings about the life you want to lead.

So don't feel bad for being lost - it's great that you want to talk about it. I hope you can find some solace in knowing that you are very much not alone! Keep writing about it if you need to!

wildbeanerz 10-06-2011 04:01 PM

I just wanted you to know that about 12 yrs ago I was so in your place. I'll try to keep this short. At age 20 I weighed 295 and had my first son, Next year age 21 and 340lbs I had my second son. They are 14months apart (now 13 & 14 yrs old). I was always a good mom but never felt comfortable to take them out to play groups or anything. I was always the mom that had to watch while they rode rides at the park because I was too fat to fit on them or didn't want to be watched while I was crawling in with them. I so wish I would have changed all of this before they were old enough to need me like that. You are making the decision to do it and do it now. That is awesome. I agree with the others in that while your fiancee is happy with you the way you are, I think he will be even more happy with you healthier. You will have more energy and more stamina ;) and as long as you asure him that you aren't doing it to look for a new man or anything then he should be fine with it.

If you need anything, just ask. We are all here to help support you with your decision.

freddieshoney 10-06-2011 08:30 PM

Thank you even the huges were much needed. lol With out mmy family I would be lost, I would of loved to have went to school and made something of myself but for now I am myself as mommy and wife to be, My children are my life. I dream of finishing my education and I give you tons of credit you had the guts to do what I don't but I will when my kids are grown.
It really helps to talk this is the first time I have spoke out about it I know if I had to anyone in my immediate life I would just get laughed at or looked at like I was crazy, so you wouldn't believe the confidence just the few people that have posted have gave me and I think you all for that.

Thank you, I know exactly what you mean about taking your child to a amusement park and not being able to fit into the rides, I squeezed myself into a couple and I just felt like I was embarrassing my daughter and myself. I also have a 9 year old I want to enjoy my babies like I did with her with I was younger I didn't begin to gain all this weight till after my 2nd daughter was born don't get me wrong I was never skinny, but now I can't just play outside with them comfortably and I want to change that, I will change that yesterday was my first day and I went over by 200 calories on my count which I am a little disappointed but surprisingly I am proud of myself too, because on a normal day I would of went over by a couple thousand....

I want to thank everyone that is here for me I greatly appreciate it and I know I can do it, you guys are so supportive...:);):)

mecompco 10-07-2011 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by freddieshoney (Post 58851)
yesterday was my first day and I went over by 200 calories on my count which I am a little disappointed but surprisingly I am proud of myself too, because on a normal day I would of went over by a couple thousand.

That is really great--"all or nothing thinking" is so destructive and has derailed my weight loss in the past. We go over our limit or eat something we shouldn't so we think the day is shot anyway so why not keep on eating.

Once we accept that we are not perfect and overeating at one meal or one day isn't the end of the world and get right back on plan we've come a long way towards being able to stay the course.


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