nobe

I don't know...what is it made of? The only ones I know of are the cartons of liquid that are actually egg whites, and a powder stuff I got from my friend that's just for baking. Is there another kind?

128sept

Hi I just started on Monday (and am close to your starting weight myself) I would like to extend a little tough love after reading through some of your post above. You are quite vocal on your partners "issues" and how HE has affected YOU, but imho we overweight folks have no one to blame but ourselves (and we should be kind to ourselves as well as our loved ones...) So first I would suggest that you not point any fingers or place blame. The thing to do is tackle the problem which you are here doing which is Excellent" but like I read the other day diet/fat release is 80% mental. NOw as far as dizzy and no energy I would make certain that you have a few small meals (foods) spaced out at certain hours you may be hypoglycemic (Not a doctor here!) and nuts get a bad wrap they have protien and fat and are great at making you feel more satisfied! As far as calories you do not have to do 1200 cal you can do what ever is correct for you, even doing a variety of calories on every other day say 1500, 1300, 1600 (what have you) will work wonders and if you lose 2 pounds a week you are doing it were you will be less likely to regain it back again imo....You can have more calories earlier on and then decrease to say 1200 later after releasing some pounds of fat, because you are bigger now..people who are not very overweight will need less calories to see a reduction...I am sure you know this. So I hope you do not hate me for the first part of my post I just know how situations can cause us to share blame but this is what regaining a good figure is about in part taking control, admitting change has to start with us even if we cannot control some stuff around us.

nobe

I see what you're saying. I don't "blame" him (he wasn't holding me down and shoving brownies down my throat), but I do consider him an obstacle. It makes me feel defeated when I tell him about my successes and he acts like I'm putting him down. He told me I looked good more when I was heavier than now that I've lost some weight. His lack of motivation to help himself is exhausting to me. And I really do want him to do it along with me, rather than feeling bad about himself because I'm doing it and he isn't (which makes me feel guilty). He's 350 pounds and 47 years old, and we have a two year old together. That scares me. I don't know how to get him on board, and everything I've tried has failed. I need to get over feeling bad about trying to better myself, because it isn't my fault he isn't joining me. But I don't want to stay fat because he's fat.

128sept

ah I see! He is playing the Guilt card because (most likely) he does not want you to become more slim and possibly more attractive and so this causes him fear and the desire to want you to shove those brownies down your throat! Well I get that it does make for a very sticky situation with plenty of stress! But hey he will not "get on board" unless it is where he has decided he wants to be and if his mindset is not on getting healthy nothing you say or do will make it happen, but at the same time you will have to somehow plow on and remain determined that this is what you are doing PERIOD! Just somehow let him know this is your body and you mentally need/want to get in better shape and make better nutritional choices because this is what is best for you, then go from there...it is like having two people who are the same religion and then one has a spiritual epiphany and goes to a different religion (or none at all) and the two folks who love one another are left feeling a little betrayed and not as "connected" with the love of their life, it takes some adjustment and definately compromise and perhaps above all on both persons part to be considerate of the other and not threatened or deserted. We humans do not remain the same throughout our lifetimes (for the most part) I hope you are able to do what isbest for you (and your little one)

nobe

Luckily he never says anything outright, but for instance this morning I said "Holy crap, I lost 4 pounds this week!" and he said "huh," without looking away from the news.

The thing is, every now and then he will say "I hate being big, I'm going to lose some weight. I'm going to lose 100 pounds by my birthday!" He did this around the same time I did, at the beginning of February (his birthday is in May). But the only thing he changed is he started going for a half hour walk every day (which is great, but he didn't change what he was eating, except for eating my dinners, and I suspect he was eating when he was out, too) and three weeks in he hadn't lost any weight, so he gave up. I keep telling him that by setting unrealistic goals he's setting himself up for defeat, and that to stay on track he should weigh himself more than every three weeks, and the amount of bread products he's eating are the problem, but he wants to do it "his way" even though his way doesn't work. Stubborn bugger. So he feels defeated by his lack of weight loss when I'm succeeding, and he's pouty about it.

But he's out for a walk right now, and he didn't have 58 kinds of carbs for breakfast (his typical breakfast is a giant bowl of oatmeal, a giant bowl of cheerios, and 4 pieces of toast - he thinks he's eating healthy because all three of those things are relatively good for you - sheesh), so maybe it's a baby step.

rpmcduff

You can lead a horse to water.... but you can't do this for him. You can encourage. You can lead by example. You can change your lifestyle and what you eat but he has to reach that same point that you and I and everyone else on Fitday got to at some point where he decides he is going to do the hard things so he can change. I would give him some credit, at least he has started walking and eating slightly better at breakfast. Maybe he just needs to start with baby steps, making very small changes so he is not overwhelmed by all that he is giving up. Maybe he can't even admit he is changing because then if it doesn't work he doesn't have to admit he failed as he has in the past.

As I read between the lines it looks to me that you are already having an effect on his thinking. But whether he commits to change his self or not you need to follow your convictions. Hopefully he will realize all the reasons that he needs to do this for himself and your family. It is hard but stop making his weight problem your weight problem. It is hard enough shouldering the responsibility for yourself don't let his lack of enthusiasm drag you down. As hard as your situtation is you can overcome it and the more succesful you are the greater chance that he will join you at some point.

nobe

Thanks for the encouragement

Part of his problem is that he really doesn't understand nutrition (and even when I try to explain it, it goes in one ear and out the other), so every time he tries, he fails, but I can't tell him he failed because hey, at least he's trying. Thi morning he woke me up and was all proud of himself because he made whole wheat pancakes from scratch. Which is great, better than white pancakes from a mix, but still pancakes. And since he went to the trouble and had already put them on a plate for me, what could I do? I had two. But he thinks he's done something really positive for our health. Because carbs and butter and syrup will make the pounds fall right off. Salad and protein for the rest of the day, I guess.

fit4luv

Hi there! I'm popping right back in again. Here are some thoughts. Sort of like a sounding board.

Sounds as if you both can use encouragement/praise from each other. He is starting where he is with his knowledge base. It's a gradual choice of "doing the next best thing". For instance, you can praise him for choosing wheat over white (maybe you already did that). Maybe you 2 could cook an item or two together and/or explore healthier toppings for pancakes such as certain fresh fruit or yogurt? Praise/encourage him on his walks. Could you join him?

Would he be interested in setting up an account with FitDay & logging in? Logging in food has been such an eye opener for me, even when I thought I knew it.

If you don't get support from him right now, just keep coming in on the other threads like you are already doing. Announce your acheivements to us! I'm sure someone will notice - and if we don't, repeat it.

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nobe

Thanks

I've suggested getting an account here, but he's not interested. And if it's anything like the times I've tried to get him to write down his spending, he'll write down the good and not the bad for about 4 days and then quit. I think he's had so many years of unhealthy living (in every possible way) that changing just seems too big of a job for him. And it's kind of a big chain, because whenever he does anything to better himself, his brothers (who are much worse off than him) put him down and make fun of him. When we got together he had lost over 50 pounds and they were barely speaking to him except to call him names. It's all he knows. SO frustrating. He's so codependent with them, and all they do is hurt him. They're only nice to him when he's fat and broke and miserable like them. Aargh. So it's an uphill battle for both of us.

I've shown him healthier options but he's not really into it unless it was his idea. I need to find ways to trick him into thinking he's come up with things, I guess

nobe

Oh, and I LOST 4 POUNDS THIS WEEK, haha