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alittlebitsassy 02-19-2010 07:46 AM

New to FITDAY...
I am new to FITDAY and am looking for support in my weight loss journey.
First off a little back ground info on me..
My husband died from Brain Cancer 6 years ago after a valiant 7 year struggle. During that time I put on approx 50lbs... my main concern was to keep him comfortable and to honor his wishes of dying with peace, grace and dignity in his own surrounded by his family and friends but most of all his 2 children and me. It was the most difficult period of my life, or so I thought at the time.
One year after his death I woke up one morning and decided it was time to take control of my life again. I joined a weight loss center and lost 50lbs. It felt great to feel sexy again and from that adventure I decided it was time to start dating again as I was only 44 yrs old. I dated some real winners let me tell you! It was an experience I wouldnt want to do again and yet I wouldnt trade that time in my life for anything! In January 2007 I met a wonderful man and life was good again, or so I thought. In Feb 2007 I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer at the same time my son was diagniosed with a Grade 3 Melanoma...he was just 22 yrs old. As I was undergoing radiation and chemo, he was undergoing radical surgery as the Cancer had spread to his Lymph Nodes. My son at that time decided he wanted no further treatment. I was devastated, I didnt know how I was going to go on from there. I am Cancer free but my son will fight this the rest of his life. He is a very strong young man and has very set opinions on what he will do in terms of treatment. The sad thing is, he and his sister watched their father die a very horrible death, he lost all memory of his kids and me, he was a stranger in our home. Near the end, we fed him and changed him as you would a baby, life went full circle for him. He died at home in our arms but from that my son made his treatment choices and that was to not have treatment. He did not want to die the same way his father did.
Well, some 3 years later, my son is doing well, he is married and very happy and my daughter just got married last August... she asked my son to walk her down the aisle. It was the proudest moment of my life.
So how did I end up 45 lbs over weight again...I was so sad I boyfriend has stood beside me throughout all of this chaos and turmoil. I told him I would understand if he turned around and ran the other way! He said he was in it for the long haul. He is a fitness addict...he eats healthy and works out daily, he inspires me to be more and do more. Well, about 2 weeks ago he dropped a bomb on me...he has been having some "intimacy" issues and one night he told me that I dont have the body I had when he met me and that his issues were not all of his fault. I cried for days, how could the man I love be so shallow. The sad thing is he is right...I have been complaining to him for months about my weight and how "unsexy" I feel.
So, from this horrible event I have decided it is time to take back control of my life again. I am eating healthy and exercising again. I have a home gym so there is no excuse! I do have osteoarthritis in both knees so I can no longer run like I used too. I am now swimmikng 3x a week, 25 laps each time and am enjoying it immensely! the only problem is I want INSTANT results and am frustrated as I am not getting them! I am 49 now and had surgery in Dec 09 so am just getting back into my exercise regime after a 6 week break, I am also in the throws of menopause amd think this has a great deal to do with my slow results!
I am looking for strenght and friendship...
I know this is very long and I do apologize for that, buit I think we need to be honest and accountable with ourselves about how we got to where we are today.
I am looking forward to making some wonderful new friends on this journey and am also looking forward to helping others achieve their dreams as I will mine!
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
alittlebitsassy aka Diane :)

cjohnson728 02-19-2010 01:00 PM

Hi Diane
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have been through a lot of heartbreak and you are still kicking and thinking forward. You are a survivor and with that mentality you can lose your weight, get healthier, and do anything you want!

It is great that you make so many connections about how your eating and your emotions go together. You are already a step ahead in knowing yourself well. That's good to hear.

It is great to have you here on FitDay and I am looking forward to watching for posts about your progress (post your frustrations, too...we all do!).

One thing that came to mind with the "intimacy issues" you brought up is that maybe your boyfried is more distanced from your insecurity and poor body image than by your body itself. For men especially, women who are secure and confident in their bodies (even those of us without perfect bodies) are the most attractive. So maybe we could get to work on your self-image. What parts of you do you feel good about? Literally in one post a few weeks ago I said ears and feet, for example! Retraining the negative thoughts we have about ourselves is so hard, but it makes a BIG difference in us when we do!

*You could post on the thread "is anyone tired of not feeling sexy" in this same section and get some good feedback on this issue, I'm sure.

Good luck! You can do this! I and I am sure others respect you tremendously for continuing to plug along after all the stress and loss you have experienced.

alittlebitsassy 02-19-2010 06:10 PM

HI Cassie:
Thank you very much for your reply, I appreciate your input.
Interestingly enough I had a light bulb moment when you talked of my boyfirend...what you are saying is men dont have the same emotional connection to our weight as we do...he see's the weight literally as weight on my body, he doesnt esee the emotional turmoil it causes me...I get that...honestly though, are men that dense!!! lol

Now my next question which I am sure sounds silly but being new to this forum I am not sure how to post things yet!
For posting: "is anyone tired of not feeling sexy" do I post it as a reply to this thread or literally start a new thread?...yes, I am blonde!!! lol

Thank you so much and I am looking forward to my weight loss journey with this wonderful community!

alittlebitsassy aka Diane :)

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress"

"I am STRONG becasue I am weak, I am BEAUTIFUL becasue I know my flaws, I am a LOVER because I am a fighter, I am FEARLESS because I've been afraid, I am WISE because I've been foolish...and I LAUGH because I've known sadness"

cjohnson728 02-19-2010 06:21 PM

You are right...for many women, we see our weight as defining who we are. For many men, it is more of an "external" thing. Just a generalization...I know there are tons of exceptions.

I can say that for a period of time, what came between me and my husband was not my weight at all, but the way I felt about myself because of being heavier than I wanted to be. Eventually he put it out there and asked how I would feel if he constantly degraded himself the way I was doing...not very attractive. So body confidence is a thing I have been working on for a long time.

Also, people who struggle with weight see things a lot differently than people who have never had that problem. Here, you get a lot of folks who know exactly how you feel...but your athletic BF has no clue what it's like (no offense to him).

The "sexy" thread is a couple below this one...go to the Women's Only Corner main page and look down till you find it. It's several pages long and new folks are hopping in all the time.

peanut2ut 02-20-2010 05:02 AM

So, I'm not the only one in a rut! I, too, am new to FitDay. I am newly married, just over one year to a great man. Unfortunately he doesn't know yet how to give me the emotional pick-up about my weight, that a friend can. He tries, but he's a man and our brains still don't quite sync when it comes to that.

I don't have a life changing story. That's just it. My life feels like it has gone nowhere...yet (I hope it does). I finished my bachelors degree. A very proud moment in my life. Yet that degree still hasn't paid off. I still couldn't live on my own with what I make. I do believe my weight gain has come steadily over the past years due to economical stress. I worry constantly about our bills getting paid and juggling what cutbacks we can make to save money. Health insurance...or not. Phone...or not. 5 months ago we moved 3 1/2 hours away from our families because of a job opportunity for him. I was thrilled to do it as he has worked for this for years. However, this move has left me with no support here. I have made one friend. (It's hard to meet new people when you can't find a job) After finally finding a full time job which I do love, we get to play catch-up on bills. I have never been dependent on anyone but myself. Now I have to learn to depend on my husbands income to mostly carry us. I know just as well as most people that stress holds on weight. So ladies, I need support...and will power...and patience. I have to unload this stress and worry or I cannot unload this weight. I need a buddy to say "hey you can make it 30 mins on the treadmill" or "hang in there, the need to feed for no reason will quiet down". I hope y'alls journeys are as successful as I would like mine to be!


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