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courtneyespence 12-30-2016 04:02 PM

Thin, athletic girl trapped in the fat body of a 41 year old
I'm 41, divorced, mother of a 10 and 12 year olds. I was always athletic in my youth - swim team, karate, softball, track and always outside riding my bike, playing kickball and pick-up football games with the neighborhood boys. I went to college on a softball scholarship and played all 4 years. I was always very thin - in fact - I started HS at 4'10" and 90 lbs and was 5'5" and 115 lbs when I graduated. I grew 2 more inches after the first year of college and was at a healthy weight of 125 at the end of the year. I ate somewhat unhealthy but I was also active each day, conditioning and running and lifting weights for softball. I graduated at 140lbs. Considering my build and my active lifestyle it was a very healthy weight. I have always appeared far lighter than my weight would have you guess (I'm dense, I suppose).

Fast forward from 1997 to today - A marriage of almost 15 years ended, 2 kids, a move out of state with no support system in place and was forced into fulltime employment for the first time in nearly 10 years (I was a stay at home mom). I now weigh 251 lbs (in an 18W), have severe obstructive and central sleep apnea, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, a history of kidney problems, arthritis is creeping in from the years of being active and I fractured my ankle in September and am still recovering from that. I have a stressful, unfulfilling job, no family close-by to offer help and an ex that wants to play games when it comes to custody of our children.

I am exhausted, unmotivated and sad. Despite being so heavy I'm still fairly healthy, according to my doc (no heart disease, no diabetes or other chronic conditions). Bad cholesterol is elevated, good cholesterol is low, triglycerides are high. Non-fasting glucose a few weeks ago with a noon-time lab draw was 91 so nothing to be alarmed about.

But I am bloated, fatigued, depressed. I don't eat constantly but when I do eat it's stuff that isn't good for me. I don't like to meal prep but I know I need to make the time because that's the only way I can stay on track. I canceled my gym membership after a year because I hadn't gone for 11 down the drain.

I haven't hit rock-bottom and I don't want to. Trying to prevent that. How did you kick yourself into high gear diet and activity-wise? I need some help with my accountability.

Lily2011 12-30-2016 08:41 PM

I think it's worth-while taking a little time to research and plan what appeals to you, and to be very gentle and kind to yourself; do things that you enjoy, eat foods that will genuinely nourish you and bring you healing; just baby-steps to start, keep it simple.
I just wanted to offer some encouragement and kind thoughts, and I hope the coming New Year is kind to you and your little family. Best wishes.

Kathy13118 12-31-2016 03:33 PM

One form of accountability is entering the food you eat in the food log. You don't have to 'diet' at first - just see how many calories you are actually eating. Don't criticize yourself, just observe yourself! Then, when you are READY, you will know it. You can start making some changes that you can see in the calorie totals at the end of the day.

Remember, you have a lot of time to do this. Don't rush. As Lily said, keep it simple.

If you are at a loss for ideas, you can always look at the fitday calendar, click on a day that you thought was successful and eat whatever you had on your menus for that day, in the same portion sizes.

Dieting is stressful to begin with (after the first glow of success) so relax. You will get there!

JeepersJenny 01-04-2017 07:49 PM

Do you walk at all? That's how I started. I got a dog and started walking. Within a few months I had lost 20 pounds -- and it kept coming off. Also have you had your blood work checked? I have hypothyroidism. Once I got on the right dose of synthroid, I lost weight too. I am a little older than you -- 54 and my recent weight gain is due to menopause. It's been a constant struggle. I am your height and I know how 140 was a good weight for you because I was 140 3 years ago and felt and looked great. Now I'm probably 170 or 180. I refuse to weigh myself.

Do you have an activity tracker? Would that help? I have a Fit Bit and that keeps me moving.

I don't have any tips for you on healthy eating as that's where I struggle too. Lunch was one of my vulnerabilities. I have now found that Tim Horton's makes a fabulous green salad so I get that now at lunch along with soup or a bun.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

MichelleKlink 04-26-2019 12:58 AM

Remember what inspired you in college. Try playing sports instead with your children, it will be fun, I promise.

beatbum 03-18-2020 01:24 AM

You can do it. Little by little.

tamishall 09-14-2020 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by beatbum (Post 141703)
You can do it. Little by little.

I also think so.

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