changeisgood29

Tahaha, glad to be of service! I'm the same way; once I'm movin' and groovin', I'm happy and enjoy it, but getting there is about 99% of the battle for me.

Lizzycritter

When I'm not in the mood to work out, or the kids are up at the buttcrack of dawn so I can't sneak out of the house, or the elliptical is kicking my arse, or the mommy guilt is kicking in, you know what I tell myself? "You ARE worth all this effort." Because it's true. And when you find yourself being negative, stop and tell yourself you're worth it. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when the bad thoughts come. Think about how many years you've had the bad habits, why would those change overnight? We all fall back into old habits and we have to put the effort in every day to keep from backsliding. Someone has a quote here that says "People say motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing, that's why it's recommended every day."

As for cat calls and people judging you for your appearance, those people are bullies. Bullies have no power over you unless you let them have it.

tandoorichicken

While I can't relate to approaching exercise from the larger side, I have experienced negativity from people being the skinny twig in the room. I can't count the number of times I've been glared at, watched pityingly, or edged out of an exercise machine by a bigger guy at the gym during high school and college.

You know what worked for me? Channeling all that self-doubt, loathing, fear, and jealousy into working harder, whether it was on the bike, on the pavement, or against the iron. You take what other people say about you as a challenge, as a dare... "just watch me, I'm going to be healthier/stronger/live longer/be better than you, in due time..."

Try it, it works wonders not only for motivation starting your workout, but you get a better, harder workout out of it, too.

almeeker

You are soooo right, I used exactly that sort of mental exercise to tackle 6 semesters of calculus. I have dyslexia so while math concepts are easy for me to understand, accurately doing the homework is a much bigger problem. I once had a math teacher that laughed at me and said to my face there was no way I would ever become an architect because I was so lousy at math. Well guess what? I am an architect, and I passed through all my calculus requirements with flying colors. That's the sort of power you can get out of reversing negative energy.

So far I have never had any of the young bucks at my gym make fun of me, but I've decided that if I ever do, my response will be "and someday when you're married to a 40-something year old housewife, you'll be wishing she was in half the shape I'm in".

missdevine

I find with so many of the programs out here in the world today, which promote achieving weightloss all miss one important ingredient - dealing with emotions - and as many of us know - eating is a way to cope with burried emotions for many people -

i also know that for many obese - or overweight people weight is a physical manifestation of what is going on inside - the part that no one talks about.

i know since i was a kid when i started to gain weight - it was considered bad. i started to think i was bad as a person - as i have grown older i realize so much of my behaviour was filled with pi** and vinegar as a result and i was miserable - and when i gained a tremendous amount of weight - i was really awful - but instead i chose to focus on the negative rather than the positive.

I choose to let the negative emotions rule my head and manifest into my body.

I think in society in general - emotional feelings like vulnerability , weakness or embarassment and shame are terrible traits to have, and in fact - anyone worth their maturity and salt will learn (for those interested in bettering them selves and their life) that you cannot experience confidence without humility and fully emotionally understand how to allow the emotions of humilty to move through ones "emotional" system. They are imperative ingredients in being happy with ones self.

I think im at that point right now ...... every so often these feelings of guilt, shame, embarassment pop up - a few times a day i have to admit - however, i have to keep catching myself and correcting that sabotaging script - Youre changing - keep at it ... this message has been with you for 30 years - its not going to die an easy death.

Ive been buying into the message that thin is the only way to get ahead in life - and its not!

I will no longer over compensate to please people - or to do things to make friends, or to stretch beyond my comfort zone in order to get ahead - or to feel liked.

I am starting to like myself - and exposing these nerves is a part of that process.

And for those of you who have responded to this post, thanks so much .... although you are sitting behind a screen and you cant be seen, i feel as if ive had a glimpse of some pretty special people who have put themselves out emotially, and I thank you for that

missfitt42

I think it is important to understand that embarrassment, shame, and guilt, while negative feelings, are valid feelings. I like that you are working through them and not stuffing them. That is what keeps fat people fat, we are afraid to feel anything that is not pleasant.

In my opinion, it is ok, even better to feel embarrassment, shame and guilt if it moves you through the task. If you crumble every time you feel uncomfortable with your feelings then that is what you must deal with.

Kudos to you, your post made me think all day about how I feel when I workout outside. Many times I won't workout outside because I feel exactly as you described at the beginning of this thread.

Thank you

mtlgirl

This whole thread is a gem of truths, insights and invaluable shared experience. I want to thank all of you who shared. This is the reason, this forum is such a great tool.

Missdevine, you really hit the nail on the head! I firmly believe that weight loss is 90% mental. Without feeling that you are worth the effort, nothing gets accomplished. The reason we have tried and failed in the past, is that we gave up on ourselves. Somewhere along the way, we run out of steam, we run out of motivation and we have only ourselves, and what goes on in our own head, to rely on. Sharing the experience with others who have been where we are and can say the words we can't always say to ourselves just may be the KEY difference between this time and all the other times!

Thank you thank you thank you, Everyone!

cjohnson728

I agree that one of the biggest mental hurdles is feeling like we are worth it. Most of us have spent our lives taking care of others and putting ourselves at a lower priority. Let's face it, getting in shape is not easy; it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort. Spending those kinds of resources on ourselves can raise feelings of guilt, or it can go by the wayside when someone else needs something.

I fully believe that you have to love yourself enough to make yourself a priority, and that's not easy, after a lifetime of negative messages to yourself about your appearance. There's a big difference between saying, "I'm worth it; I deserve this" and really "owning" that feeling, but once you do, your motivation will skyrocket and you will do whatever it takes to be good to yourself.

I could go on about this forever (I'm a shrink, for Pete's sake). But it really boils down to some very simple truths, as have been illustrated in these posts.

Like MissDevine alluded, everything is a choice. You choose what you put in your mouth; you choose what activity you do, if any. This is a blessing and a curse both. But YOU are in charge...feel strong!! Own it! Every day that you do, you will feel all the more powerful.

missdevine

Its wonderful to see people are responding in a way which has us thinking and continuing to keep these thoughts in mind - every single time we decide to put something in our mouth which will not benefit us health wise.

I can tell you, my morning started off going to tim hortons to have a bagel egg and cheese sandwhich and coffee - its 300 calories - i have no butter or salt or additional toppings added to it -

the amount of people who stared at me eating - or when i walked in - or had somthing to say to draw attention to me as they were sitting opposite someone made me very uncomfortable -

however - in that very moment - i said "click - change that negative thought - how do i know they arent talking about how pretty i am? how do i know they arent commenting on the lovely skirt i am wearing - how do i know they arent commenting on the fact taht maybe they have never seen a fat person???

welll the thing is i dont - and even if they are - its human nature to gawk - to be curious - to snicker - albeit dumb and impolite - i understand fully why people cant buy class.

nonetheless i digress - the bottom line is - since i have tapped into this emotional side of things ive begun to understand on a feeling level - that my appearance is separate from the person i am inside - and thats what matters - them people who may choose to find satisfaction in pputting overweight people down are not in my circumfrence - so why worry about them? Ill never see them again.

i think tapping into the emotional is imperative as we learn that personalizing the bad looks, the snickering etc ... helps us to stay away from burying the feelings of low self esteem and so on. I think we need to stay on this thread and encourage and support one another on the daily issues and thoughts that face us - and hopefully allow us to overcome them!

thanks for all the responses and fellow support people! you are great!

one final thought : i have often found when one becomes frustrated - a block arises.

its as if a stone wall has been erected. with that being said if you are able to acknowledge the fact you are frustrated and you are able to allow the emotions to come forth with it - youve managed to remove the block -

instead of heading to the fridge.

almeeker

So to go along with my cow print shorts and workout tiara, I think I also need a rubber bracelet that say's "I choose what goes in my mouth, I choose to workout, I'm in charge, the choice is MINE!", maybe in hot pink with rhinestones? And give it a good snap when I want to sit on the couch and eat chips, or when I get a second cup of coffee instead of getting started on that workout. Yes, I'm definitely feeling a new fashion trend in workout attire here....