If these long-lost 90s food products are any indication, we’ve come a long way since then. It kind of makes you wonder what the next generation is trading on the schoolyard — chia seed pudding for kale chips, anyone? Yeah, good luck with that.
1. Smucker’s Uncrustables
There’s lazy and then there’s lazy — and you have to be the latter when you can’t even slap together a PB&J for your kid's lunch. Come on, 90s parents.
2. Orbitz
Ever wanted to drink their weird, floating bits in a lava lamp? With Orbitz, you could.
3. Teddy Grahams
Nabisco lied. These bear-shaped “graham cracker” snacks aren’t actually crackers. They’re cookies.
4. Bubble Beeper Gum
Nothing says 90s like pager-themed gum. But did you know that the Bubble Beeper, which was loved more for its reusable container than the actual gum, was steeped in controversy? Back in the 90s, pagers were carried by serious professionals like lawyers and doctors. They were also carried by drug dealers. According to one over-zealous DEA agent, a kid carrying a toy beeper was pretty much risking death.
5. Sprite Remix
Just like regular Sprite — but with added high-fructose syrup and a nasty aftertaste.
6. Flintstones Push-Ups
Was it frozen yogurt? Or was it ice cream? I guess we’ll never know.
7. Shark Bites
Long before Shark Week, there were Shark Bites. With iconic flavors like cherry, grape, strawberry, orange, and white — we’re actually not sure what the white ones were supposed to taste like — Shark Bites were a coveted lunchbox treat.
8. Minute Maid Juice Bars
In the 90s, nothing said summer like a box of these awkwardly shaped frozen treats. It just wasn’t the same when your mom froze the juice herself.
9. Heinz EZ Squirt
Finally, a product for all the anti-establishment kids hung up on why ketchup had to be red. Released in 2000, Heinz EZ Squirts proved that ketchup could be whatever color it wanted to be — blue, green, teal, pink, and yes, purple, too. More than 25 million bottles were sold before the novelty wore off and the product was pulled from shelves.
10. McPizza
Once upon a time, McDonald’s tried to break into the pizza market with a family-sized pizza that took a mere 11 minutes to cook. The McPizza was offered at more than 500 McDonald’s locations before the higher ups decided that 11 minutes was too long — it might compromise the fast food giant’s reputation for fast service. Rumor has it that the McPizza lives on at a handful of US locations, though.
11. Hubba Bubba Bubble Jug
Bubble gum dust in a miniature jug? Why not!
12. Squeeze It
The Squeeze It packaging was more interesting than the drink. To guzzle some of this fruit-flavored juice concoction, you had to rip (or gnaw) off the top and squeeze the juice out — hence the name.
13. Oscar Meyer’s Lunchables
This American version of the bento box lunch revolutionized the traditional school lunch and pacified more than a few young fruit and vegetable haters. With 26 meal varieties—including nachos, wraps, crackers, pizzas, and burgers — Lunchables were the ultimate hands-free lunch.
14. Dippin’ Dots
The ice cream of the future? More like the ice cream of the past. Flash-frozen in liquid nitrogen, this product was probably too high-tech for the 90s. In fact, grocery stores stopped selling it because it needed to be stored at -40 degrees Fahrenheit.
15. Dunk-a-Roos
Why were General Mills Dunk-a-Roos so darn addictive? Was it the near-tasteless cookie, or the sugar-laden frosting? We’re guessing it was the frosting. Either way, this simple cookie-meets cupcake concept was a hit. Today, you can still find these DIY dippers — where else? — in Canadian grocery stores.
16. Hidden Valley Pizza Ranch
Didn’t like vegetables as a kid? Chances are, you’d eat them smothered in pizza ranch.
17. Popeye Candy Sticks
Let’s face it, that branding didn’t fool us for a second. Candy sticks? More like candy cigarettes. On the schoolyard, they were the next coolest thing to real cigarettes.
