LOL, Herb Nurse; you are a trip!
My spouse was naturally thin (30" waist for the first 15 years we were married), then he hit the backside (and I do mean backside!)
of his 30s, plus started a medication, and he is now overweight.
He is not ready to change yet, but he understands that I have an out of sight out of mind mentality and so when he has his junk food, he either keeps it in his car or hides it back on the top pantry shelves (I'm 5' 1").
Maybe you could approach your spouses and explain that you don't expect them to understand it but that it's important to you and you still need their help. Don't ask for them to give up what they want to eat and do, but don't be afraid to ask for what you need (please don't eat XXXXX in front of me; please don't leave it out where I can see it, etc.).
I have a teenage boy, too, and that's challenging. Usually when I buy "junk" for him, I make sure it is in flavors he likes but I don't. I can look at hot and spicy Chex Mix or cool ranch Doritos all week long and not care a bit, and he still has his treat. I cook healthy and have healthy snacks around, so I don't want to be overly rigid with his food.
Hope you can get something worked out. I know it's frustrating