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Old 12-12-2010, 11:00 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by mecompco View Post
...Why can we be otherwise "normal" but have this self-destructive streak?

I have a pretty good book about eating disorders that has helped me a bit. Especially the part about "all or nothing thinking". ...

I think you may be like me in that I realize, like a recovering alcoholic, that I just can't be trusted to eat normally. I'm pretty sure I'll need to record my food intake indefinetly. I guess that's a small price to pay for a reprieve from living in the "fat body prison" and an early death.

Anyway, welcome--the help and support here is great and to one degree or another we understand the mental and physical pain of being very overweight.
Thanks Michael, for the encouragement. I think we're fat kin, but then I'd hoped for that in this forum in particular. Not to denigrate the folks who have 10-20-30 pounds to lose, but there's something extra special super duper about having to lose half of yourself, more or less.

That "self destructive streak" is what keeps running through my mind. I've got a pretty good life and, like everyone, have done/accomplished/gotten through some tough things. How does this keep defeating me?

I have been in such terrible physical pain the last two months. I think that's when I put on the last 25 pounds. Not that everything was peachy before, but lately, I've been thinking it won't be long before I can't walk at all. How unbearably humiliating and horrible that would be. Didn't stop me. That's flat out crazy, but it took seeing the number on the scale this morning to convince me what my body's been trying to tell me for far too long.

Hope everyone's having a good day. I won't babble like this forever. Just happy and excited and feeling hopeful.
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Old 12-13-2010, 10:23 AM   #62 (permalink)
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Today I am tired, cranky, and frankly rather sick of my lack of enthusiasm. I was going to go to a 10:15am class, but couldn't be bothered. So instead I'm going to wait a couple of hours until the gym empties a little and then attempt a 20 minute run and some elliptical, rowing machine and free weights.

Also, last night I was given a box of Jaffa cakes, and before I knew it I had munched my way through about 600 calories. Well done me...

So I'm not having the best of starts to the week, but I'm awake, I've eaten my breakfast and made a good start on my fluid intake for the day. So I suppose it could be worse.

I decided over the weekend that I'd like to work towards running the 2012 London marathon. It may be a crazy goal, but it's still a goal nonetheless, and I do seem to do better when I've got something to aim for.
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January 2nd 2013 - 288.4lbs
March 6th 2013 - 256.2lbs
-32.2lbs
19.75 Inches lost so far!
First Goal:March 23rd 2013 (birthday) - reach 250lbs
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Old 12-13-2010, 12:48 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Thanks Michael, for the encouragement. I think we're fat kin, but then I'd hoped for that in this forum in particular. Not to denigrate the folks who have 10-20-30 pounds to lose, but there's something extra special super duper about having to lose half of yourself, more or less.

That "self destructive streak" is what keeps running through my mind. I've got a pretty good life and, like everyone, have done/accomplished/gotten through some tough things. How does this keep defeating me?

I have been in such terrible physical pain the last two months. I think that's when I put on the last 25 pounds. Not that everything was peachy before, but lately, I've been thinking it won't be long before I can't walk at all. How unbearably humiliating and horrible that would be. Didn't stop me. That's flat out crazy, but it took seeing the number on the scale this morning to convince me what my body's been trying to tell me for far too long.

Hope everyone's having a good day. I won't babble like this forever. Just happy and excited and feeling hopeful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynette185 View Post
Thanks Michael, for the encouragement. I think we're fat kin, but then I'd hoped for that in this forum in particular. Not to denigrate the folks who have 10-20-30 pounds to lose, but there's something extra special super duper about having to lose half of yourself, more or less.

That "self destructive streak" is what keeps running through my mind. I've got a pretty good life and, like everyone, have done/accomplished/gotten through some tough things. How does this keep defeating me?

I have been in such terrible physical pain the last two months. I think that's when I put on the last 25 pounds. Not that everything was peachy before, but lately, I've been thinking it won't be long before I can't walk at all. How unbearably humiliating and horrible that would be. Didn't stop me. That's flat out crazy, but it took seeing the number on the scale this morning to convince me what my body's been trying to tell me for far too long.

Hope everyone's having a good day. I won't babble like this forever. Just happy and excited and feeling hopeful.
Lynette, glad to hear you're excited and upbeat--so am I!

I hear ya' about the humiliation--I started this particular weight loss venture in May during a stressful incident and some very bad back pain. I ended up in the hospital--I had to call my wife to pick me up in her vehicle as I was physically unable to get into my Jeep.

At the hospital, we had to request the "big" wheelchair that barely fits through the doors and have the burly security guard come out to extract me from the vehicle and wheel me in. Talk about a humiliating experience!

Perhaps that is what turned on my weight-loss switch, I don't know. I do know that I've wanted the switch to turn back on for years--as I mentioned, the last time it did I got down to 184 pounds. Now my switch is on, but it scares me to think it might someday turn off. But, I think that bridge is pretty far into the future and I'll have a plan in place to deal with it when the time comes.

Please, "babble" all you like--I think this is theraputic for us--there is some comfort in sharing and co-miserating, especially with anonymous friends.

Now, do you have an eating/exercise plan? I know you've been down this road before and if you're like me, it is SO important to log and keep track of this stuff. It is really the only way I can keep in control. Do keep us posted as to your progress.

Regards,
Michael
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47 M 5'8"

May 4, 2010...... 440? lbs. (Start FitDay Size 60 Jeans)
June 19, 2010.... 393 lbs. (First Weigh-in)
June 19, 2011.... 229 lbs. (164 lbs. gone in one year :-)
Current Weight... 185 lbs. (Size 36 Jeans)

Next Goal 169 lbs. (07/04/12)
Ultimate Goal 165 lbs. (12/31/12)

The best exercises for weight loss are Fork Putdowns and Table Pushaways.

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Old 12-13-2010, 12:54 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by WeightlossBoo View Post
Today I am tired, cranky, and frankly rather sick of my lack of enthusiasm. I was going to go to a 10:15am class, but couldn't be bothered. So instead I'm going to wait a couple of hours until the gym empties a little and then attempt a 20 minute run and some elliptical, rowing machine and free weights.

Also, last night I was given a box of Jaffa cakes, and before I knew it I had munched my way through about 600 calories. Well done me...

So I'm not having the best of starts to the week, but I'm awake, I've eaten my breakfast and made a good start on my fluid intake for the day. So I suppose it could be worse.

I decided over the weekend that I'd like to work towards running the 2012 London marathon. It may be a crazy goal, but it's still a goal nonetheless, and I do seem to do better when I've got something to aim for.
A marathon!

What a super goal--I can't imagine myself ever doing one but good for you! Now a 5K, maybe....

Forget those snacks--they are ancient history (probably poo by now)
Anyway, I know you're smarter that I used to be with that all-or-nothing thinking BS. Log the cals and move on, sister!

And good for you hitting the gym--I don't know that I particularly LIKE exercising, but I always feel great afterwards. Keep that (single) chin up and Carpe Diem!

Regards,
Michael
__________________
47 M 5'8"

May 4, 2010...... 440? lbs. (Start FitDay Size 60 Jeans)
June 19, 2010.... 393 lbs. (First Weigh-in)
June 19, 2011.... 229 lbs. (164 lbs. gone in one year :-)
Current Weight... 185 lbs. (Size 36 Jeans)

Next Goal 169 lbs. (07/04/12)
Ultimate Goal 165 lbs. (12/31/12)

The best exercises for weight loss are Fork Putdowns and Table Pushaways.

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Old 12-13-2010, 01:04 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Small Victories

Yesterday I had to lie down of the floor to fix something--and was able to get up on my own.

This morning, had to cinch the old belt in another notch.

Nothing earth-shattering, I know, but I do like it when little things like that happen.

Have a great Monday, everyone.

Regards,
Michael
__________________
47 M 5'8"

May 4, 2010...... 440? lbs. (Start FitDay Size 60 Jeans)
June 19, 2010.... 393 lbs. (First Weigh-in)
June 19, 2011.... 229 lbs. (164 lbs. gone in one year :-)
Current Weight... 185 lbs. (Size 36 Jeans)

Next Goal 169 lbs. (07/04/12)
Ultimate Goal 165 lbs. (12/31/12)

The best exercises for weight loss are Fork Putdowns and Table Pushaways.

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Old 12-13-2010, 01:31 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Thank you Michael. Awesome news on the belt tightening! It's so exciting when you're at the last hole and then have to get a new on!!!

So I beat myself up this morning, and when I went to the gym I smashed through one of my major fitness targets. I will go and post it on the Success board so that I'm not flooding every board with my achievement. Feel free to head over and have a read.

Oh, and I'm down a lb since Saturday! Today is turning out to be a good day!!!
__________________
January 2nd 2013 - 288.4lbs
March 6th 2013 - 256.2lbs
-32.2lbs
19.75 Inches lost so far!
First Goal:March 23rd 2013 (birthday) - reach 250lbs
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Old 12-13-2010, 01:39 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Boo ~ Sorry you're not feeling all that hot. I can't count the times I've let a bag/box/order-of whatever turn a substantial weight loss into a full blown relapse. I think I saw this somewhere in FitDay last night: "If you drop one egg, you don't say oh hell, and drop them all." Made sense to me, but I know slipping up can be deadly depending on how I think about it. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY. I love the elliptical and can't wait until I can use it again without needing the cardiac crash cart.

"At the hospital, we had to request the "big" wheelchair that barely fits through the doors and have the burly security guard come out to extract me from the vehicle and wheel me in. Talk about a humiliating experience!

Please, "babble" all you like--I think this is theraputic for us--there is some comfort in sharing and co-miserating, especially with anonymous friends.

Now, do you have an eating/exercise plan? I know you've been down this road before and if you're like me, it is SO important to log and keep track of this stuff. It is really the only way I can keep in control. Do keep us posted as to your progress."


It is humiliating, Michael. Having to have the big guy wheelchair and a special extra strong escort. I don't know about you, but it makes me want to keep a typewritten page of all of my weight loss efforts, a brief summary of the hundreds and hundreds of pounds I've lost and what happened thereafter. I can hand copies out like advertising flyers to everyone who gets that look when they're dealing with me. Somehow, in my mind, if everyone knows I'VE TRIED!!! it makes it better. I haven't just been sitting around eating twinkies to get to this point. I've always wondered if the higher incidences of cancer and some other problems in overweight people is actually due to the weight, or if it's just that fat people will put off going to the doc to avoid that judgment.

The only really acceptable prejudice in this country is against fat people. It's hard not to internalize that living in this world.

When I was at the clinic Friday, the guy checking me in said "what do you weigh." I estimated "350 by now" (little did I know, 365)...he said "Hmmm, we may have to do you in two days."

What? Two days? Why? It seems that "bigger people" can't lie flat for 22 minutes without moving. They have to do the test in sections. I assured him I could, actually did (thank goodness), but realized that not too many more pounds and I wouldn't be able to lie down on that little 18" wide table at all.

My doctor's office now has installed special chairs for big people. There are 3-4 normal chairs in a row, then the jumbo double wide.

I am sick of being the double wide, the one for whom special accommodations have to be made. I detest having to look around at the seating and figure out what will hold me up. Folding chairs. Good grief, will they collapse under me? How humiliating would that be? We spend a lot of time in Yucatan and all of the restaurants have those little plastic Coke/Sol chairs. The chairs with arms are extremely uncomfortable. I have to perch halfway on/off the chair. Horrible. The Sol chairs don't have arms and they're far sturdier. I've been subtly guiding the decisions about where we go based on what seating is available. Can't tell anyone, of course, but I just happen to not like this restaurant, while that one over there is very nice. Crazy.

I do have a plan: lower carbohydrates, writing down every morsel that I eat, eating as much fresh/unprocessed/cooked at home food as possible, drinking lots and lots of water, and moving my body every day, no matter what. Yesterday's "movement" was pretty minimal. It's been so long since I've gone to the gym I forgot you had to check in an hour before they close, but I will get there today.

The last 6-8 months or so, I've been having a terrible time at night. That's when I want to eat everything in the house. So I figured I'd go to the gym late and do my thing, get past that munchy time. My goal is to get back on that elliptical for 45 minutes/hour at a time, and back to lifting fairly heavy weights w/no trouble.

What do you do about food?

I hope everyone has a fantastic day.

Last edited by lynette185; 12-13-2010 at 03:30 PM.
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Old 12-13-2010, 01:42 PM   #68 (permalink)
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I'm glad you're perkier, Boo. And lost weight too. That's fantastic. And Michael, are you kidding? Being able to get up off the floor without a crane? That's fantastic. It is a good day.
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Old 12-13-2010, 03:59 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Lynette--don't get me started on chairs! LOL

I am so thankful to fit (more or less) into most of them now and not have to perch one butt cheek or the other on the edge.

And folding chairs--yikes! Some of the metal ones are OK, but I attended a meeting where all they had were shaky little ones with plastic seats--I kept both legs under it the whole time to try and keep some weight off it so I wouldn't end up on the floor in front of a couple hundred people.

How many movies, concerts, etc. have we skipped due to the constrictive seats? More than one, in my case anyway.

I though I was the only one with "favorite" restaurants becasue they had regular chairs instead of booths. Even McDonald's, king of Fat Food has seats fat people can't get into (in this case, probably not a totally bad thing).

Yup, I've probably lost at least half a ton, for real. Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Hilton Head, Cabbage Soup (ewwww!), you name it, I've done it, includng starvation. The only thing that has really worked is counting cals on FitDay. It worked last time, and is working this time. Only this time I'll not give it up when I reach my "goal".

And you are right--political correctness has passed folks like us by. Make a joke or rude comment about a person's age, race, religion, etc. and at the very least you'll get a dirty look--at the worst, prison time. Make a joke or comment about a fat person, and it's just fine (and of course, the fat person laughs along too--what else can they do?).

Now, as to my plan:

1. Stay around 1500 calories. 1550 is OK, but always under 1600 unless it is a planned "day off" (which I do have once in a while, usually at my friend's camp) and even then, try to minimize the "damage" and get right back to normal.

2. Try to keep a good mix of carbs, protein and fat. I've heard that 40/30/30 percent of cals is reasonable. You'll see I try to eat "real" food. About the only "diet" stuff I use is salad dressing/mayo and low-cal/FF yogurt. I'm sure some of my choices could be better (man, I love bacon!) but if you can't enjoy what you eat, what's the point?

3. Minimize simple carbs--I am a carb freak--I've been known in the past to eat a pint of Ben and Jerrys ice cream followed by a few candy bars (Butter Fingers!) just to get that awesome head-throbbing, heart-pounding sugar rush (sorta sick, I know).

4. Eat a fairly high protein breakfast every day--300 cals keeps me pretty well 'till my mid-morning 9:00 am snack (usually a banana).

5. Drink lots of water--I bring three 24 oz. bottles to work every day and make sure they're gone before quitting time.

6. Eat a huge salad most nights--I pile up the lettuce, tomatos, usually some shaved ham/turkey and some part-skim mozzarella and low-fat/cal dressing. This fills me up so it's easier to have a reasonable supper. Also, like you, evenings are dangerous so this helps a lot.

7. Do some sort of exercise every day. Work days I walk a mile durng lunch time. On weekends it is the WiiFit, or some outdoors activity. Just "something" to get moving. I also park further away, take the stairs, that sort of thing just to burn a few more calories.

8. Log every bite of food into Fitday, good, bad or ugly.

I've made my food and weight journal public, if you want to check it out. There ARE the occasional "bad" days in there, especially if beer is involved (which I have cut back to only once a month, at most).

Here's the link: http://fitday.com/fitness/PublicJour...Owner=mecompco

This is what works for me. I am very rarely overly hungry and usually full enough that I can resist cravings brought on by boredom. Also, my weight loss has been a pretty consistant 3lbs. a week average--sometimes less, sometimes more, but the average remains about the same. In the past, as I mentioned, I've lost much quicker and, I think, paid the price. I'm hoping that a more gradual loss this time mitigate the old excess skin problem as well as the slipping back into old habits trap. Of course, you'll have to find what works best for you, but I think these are some guidelines to think about.

Regards,
Michael
__________________
47 M 5'8"

May 4, 2010...... 440? lbs. (Start FitDay Size 60 Jeans)
June 19, 2010.... 393 lbs. (First Weigh-in)
June 19, 2011.... 229 lbs. (164 lbs. gone in one year :-)
Current Weight... 185 lbs. (Size 36 Jeans)

Next Goal 169 lbs. (07/04/12)
Ultimate Goal 165 lbs. (12/31/12)

The best exercises for weight loss are Fork Putdowns and Table Pushaways.

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Old 12-14-2010, 12:22 AM   #70 (permalink)
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SisterJen ~ at least you're making yourself walk to the bus stop. Good for you. The thing that's been scaring the tar out of me lately is that I'm finding ways and choosing things that minimize activity, because walking hurts. I know absolutely that's how you get to used the motorized shopping cart, by quitting. If you're forcing yourself to walk to the bus stop, even with an old knee injury, I admire you.

Michael ~ The chair thing. I absolutely hate it. I resent all of the head time I give to monitoring myself out in the world. Will I fit in that booth? that seat? Will that seat hold me? How many stairs are there? Is there a ramp instead?

We drove down to Mexico last November (year ago) and got lost in a little town called Telchac Puerto. We finally found an internet cafe so I could look up the phone # of the woman we were meeting.

I started to sit down on the cheap little office chair in front of the terminal, and a woman came rushing from the back room. Wait! Wait! and she and her son hustled over with my nemesis, the plastic Coke chair. Of course I understand their concern. They'd invested some big $$ in those chairs in that dusty little town, and they didn't want some biga@@ gal buying 20 cents worth of time AND breaking that chair. Fortunately, my skinny husband was unfazed. The concept of someone being to fat for a chair never occurs to him, so he thought nothing of the swap.

While I've been overweight much of my life, I've usually been pretty fit and strong, and never ever worried about breaking anything until I topped 300 pounds.

But those plastic chairs? perching on the edge? Wow, is that a muscle workout ~ ha! By the time I'm done with dinner, my bottom's fast asleep and my thigh muscles are exhausted.

Torture!! Being fat is torture!!! So why the struggle? Crazy.

Good day. Hope everyone's having one. Hasta luego ~

Last edited by lynette185; 12-14-2010 at 12:24 AM.
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