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Old 08-07-2013, 06:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Sounds like he is afraid he will lose you when you get to your goal weight and he is doing everything in his power to keep you unhealthy and overweight so he can feel more secure in his unhealthy choices. Stay firm in your commitment to become a healthier and more fit you and don't let his insecurities drag you back down into that deep pit of despair caused by bad choices. You deserve to be your own person and if he chooses to continue slowly killing himself then that is his choice. You have made the choice to truly live, be healthy and fit and enjoy life so stick to your guns and let him know that you will not support his bad decisions nor will you make bad decisions to keep him happy!!!
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Old 08-27-2013, 06:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
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He sounds like a person with serious issues who thinks he can tell you what to do. I agree with maholias. It's time to lay the smack down. You are the boss of your body. Not him. He needs counseling. His behavior is unacceptable. I would seriously consider leaving someone who treated me like that.
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Old 10-22-2013, 10:18 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Concern about being controled

Several people have suggested you leave him. That's a really hard thing to contemplate.
What you need to do is look at all the aspects of your relationship. Following is a list of the warning signs of an abusive relationship. Not every abuser exhibits ALL the signs. I am not saying your husband is abusive, but this is just something to think about. If you think he is, don't walk; run. Run as fast as you can.
Sorry, it's very long
Lindsay Ann Burke Memorial Fund: Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

EXTREME JEALOUSY

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of flirting with someone else or having an affair.

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.

QUICK INVOLVEMENT

The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before”. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect”. They may say things like “If you love me, then I’m all you need”.

ISOLATION

The abuser tries to keep the victim from friends and family by putting down everyone the victim knows, including their family and friends. They may keep the victim from going to work or school.

BLAMES OTHERS FOR THEIR PROBLEMS AND FEELINGS

The abuser does not take responsibility for their problems, blaming others (usually the victim) for almost everything (“you made me mad”).

HYPERSENSITIVITY

An abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack and blows things out of proportion.

CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN

The abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain. They may have unfair expectations of children or tease them until they cry.

“PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE IN SEX

The abuser may throw or hold their partner down during sex, may pressure their partner into having sex, may demand sex when their partner is tired or ill or doesn’t want to have sex. They may ask the victim to do things they do not want to do.

VERBAL ABUSE

The abuser says cruel and harmful things to their victim, degrades them, curses at them, calls them names, or puts down their accomplishments. The abuser tells their victims they are stupid, and unable to function without them. They embarrass and put down the victim in front of others as well.

RIGID SEX ROLES

The abuser believes in rigid gender roles and sees women as inferior to men and unable to have their own identity. They may see men as the “master of his castle”.

DR. JECKYL AND MR. HYDE

The abuser experiences severe mood swings and the victim may think the abuser has a mental health problem. One minute they can be charming and sweet and the next minute they become angry and explosive. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners.

PAST BATTERING

The abuser has a history of past battering of partners and although they may admit to that, they say their previous partner provoked them to do it. A batterer will beat any partner they are with if the person is with them long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not cause a person to have an abusive relationship.

THREATS OF VIOLENCE

This includes any threat or physical force meant to control the victim: “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll break your neck”, “If you ever leave, I’ll kill you.”

BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS

This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking treasured possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may break or strike objects near the victim to frighten them.

ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT

The abuser may hold the victim down, restrain them from leaving the room, may push, shove, or hold them against a wall.

"The Lindsay Ann Burke Memorial Fund is a non-profit corporation and was founded to honor the life of Lindsay Ann Burke, a 23 year old Rhode Island College graduate from North Kingstown, R.I. Lindsay was a compassionate, honest and trusting young woman who cared deeply for others. She was trying to break the cycle of violence when she was murdered. Lindsay was an education major and came from a family of educators. We believe she would want us to break the silence and work towards ending relationship violence through education. As such, this fund will support the prevention of relationship violence primarily through the education of teens, parents, educators, and the public."
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Old 10-23-2013, 01:12 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Mine straight up told me 3 years ago that he didn't want me to lose weight because he thought that if I did men would start noticing me and he didn't want that. First, that's an insult because it made me feel like I wasn't pretty enough as I was. Second, it made me realize that I was in for a hard challenge anytime I put noticeable effort into weight loss. The first part has shown in his attitude towards me in the past 2 years-disinterest. The second part has been a constant struggle ever since.

I am thinking that you're on the same path, and I am concerned for you in regards to that. I really hope that you two can sit down and get to the root of why he's being this way. I admit, I didn't like hearing my husband say it, but having him admit it really helped me to see that it wasn't in my head, and that he had a problem.

Mine too also gave me guilt trips anytime I didn't eat what he wanted me to, including refusng to eat when we went out to get junk food. He said he felt guilty buying for himself, and only felt okay eating it if I joined him..even if I ate a salad it wasn't enough. He also tips the opposite side at times, where he will suddenly say "we should stop drinking sodas and such in such"...but it's usually for his own health because he knows I will keep him on track and he wants my support. It's never about my health.

The best way I've learned to deal with a selfish unsupportive husband is by keeping his knowlegdge very minimal in what I am doing. I wont exercise in front of him, weigh myself near him, eat around him most of the time, and when I have to I calorie count all day to accommodate for any bad meals I know he will definitely pressure me hard to eat (ones I cant avoid). My weakness is ice cream-he likes to drag in 3 gallons at a time. He claims its his favorite, but I notice 2 of them will be mine and 1 of them his. I finally got him to STOP bringing in my favorites and only his (because I don't like it as much) but he's convinced I love it. lol

The most important part is to talk to him. Find out what is making him behave that way. Is it control? Is it low self-esteem? Is it guilt? Once you figure that out, having your answers will sort of help you determine what you need to do- and how to deal with him. I really wish you the best. I know there are many of us here that completely understand what you're going through so you're not alone.
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Old 10-25-2013, 04:04 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Uncooperative husband

Hello, I'm new on this board.
I have been low carbing on and off a few times.
I'm muslim, but don't cover. I'm a convert, by my choice.

My husband used to tempt me with certain foods, just recently we had a holiday gathering, where everyone was eating couscous and vegetables, so I just ate the veggies.
Anyway the first time I low carbed I lost 45 lbs. And was looking good, he has always been jealous, but I noticed he was more jealous then.
I can honestly say he has changed over the years, we've been married 21 years and he's still jealous but I know how to avoid this. I dress modestly, and this I learned from my religion.
I think this was more of an issue for him because he wanted me to be more modest, it's just how he was raised.

Also, I have a question, how long have you been married?

Sometimes people are so quick to call it quits!
Work on you problems, you'll thank yourself. Sometimes it's easier to give in on things that don't matter so much. Pick your fights.

Stick to your diet, but find out what his underlying problem is!
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Old 12-07-2013, 08:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Sounds like insecurity -- either he is mad that there is a part of your life he cannot influence, or that you will lose weight and leave him for another person. Either way, passive agressive whining is the least attractive thing a person can do.

It might be time to sit him down, explain he has no choice in what you do to your body, and that if he can't be supportive, he needs to suck it up and shut up.

Some people are so insecure, that when they cannot control the world around them, they have a temper tantrum and are suddenly reduced to toddlers. The only way to deal with a child is to stick to your guns, firmly, without yelling or negotiating.
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