Why on earth have you stayed with this person for so long ? You do deserve more...you don't need to lose the weight and THEN leave...where does that make sense ? This has not been a true loving relationship & doesn't appear to be what he wants at all. You should be loved & accepted for who you are. How many of us started out tiny and gained alot of weight over the years and still our spouses loved us both emotionally AND physically, you can not have a healthy realtionship any other way ! You must lose the weight because you want to for yourself. I feel so bad that you have put yourself through such a long unnecessary hardship with this person...you have invested so much in a very unhealthy relationship and gotten nothing back. It's ok to be by yourself..I know you may think you need him but you really don't. Take care of yourself first, if losing weight is an honest piority for YOU ( not him ! ) then start down that road..read everything..decide what diet eating plan is best for you & go for it. None of us are perfect and we've all had our problems along this bumpy road of losing weight..but just keep at it and you can do it. There is always help through this site as well as lots of other sites...I use this one, also Fatsecret, Atkins, MyfitnessPal....use whatever you can get your hands on for support, you'll find people do care and want to help.
In the end you have to do what you think is right for yourself...no one is judging you, we just want to let you know we care and want the best for you.
If something as weak as weight gain can make this person leave you, he is NOT worth having in your life. What if your physical appearance was effected by something that couldn't be reversed or controlled? Excuse my bluntness sweetheart, but the love in your relationship sounds one-sided. He is as shallow as an adolescent boy, and I really don't see the point in you sticking around. There are plenty of men that are only attracted to slim women, but the love he was SUPPOSED to have developed for you over the five years you two have been together, is SUPPOSED to help him see past that. The way I see it is if you put down a fantastic book because the front cover got ripped and torn, there is no way you could've been enjoying the story. And frankly, he certainly doesn't deserve to be kept around for the happy ending.
My high school boyfriend did the same thing to me. He would stand over my shoulder while I would make myself something to eat and criticize me the entire time. He would tell me what I should and should not eat. He would also point out any physical flaws I had, even the non-weight related flaws. After he and I went to separate colleges, whenever I went to visit him (it was always me visiting him), he would be aloof and never introduce me to any of the friends he had made. I could tell that he was embarrassed by me. Then it came to the point where he broke up with me for being too fat and he wanted to see what sex was like with a thin girl. He actually said this to me. The thing is, I was only 180 pounds and I'm 5'8", so I really wasn't that big. After we broke up, I met my now husband who accepts me at any weight. I just had our second child three weeks ago and I'm sitting at 209 pounds. My husband still tells me that I'm sexy and beautiful. The point that I'm making to you is that this guy you're with is toxic. There is nothing about the way he treats you that is okay. Leave him behind and find someone who loves you exactly the way that you are, no matter what you weigh. Then lose the weight for yourself with real support.
This is going to sound harsh, but dump this guy. Men like that need to be alone, and don't even deserve to have you. Don't waste your love on him, no matter how much love you have for him. Love shouldn't feel like you are in deep water and you don't know how to swim. Let go of this anchor that is holding you back. I don't know how much he weighs, but losing him would be an instant weight loss! Your happiness is most important. I am glad you have one foot out the door, let the other one follow it. He's not worth any more effort.
I seriously hope you have dumped him by now. My sister had a similar relationship for TWELVE years! Everyone was expecting them to get married but he said he would only marry her if she lost 30lbs. Shewas about 26 bmi so not that heavy. When she lost 20lbs he dumped her!!!!! He didn't really want her to get slim. Now she married a different guy who loves her and they have a beautiful baby girl together. There is a man out there who will love you just the way you are. Btw, he is with you for 5 years without being intimate? Biiiiiiiig red flag�� you deserve better than this.
__________________ Muna 30 5'3''
Currently LCHF and loving it!
It is foolish to keep doing the same things and expect different results.
DC, my heart goes out to you as I have been in a similar situation years ago. He said he would treat me better if I lost weight and lost weight I did; then he cheated on me. This happened not once, but twice. You are enough, you are great just as you are! You are a complete person! Giving yourself good nutrition will give you the fuel you need for your life. Take care of yourself through exercise to help you be strong. Lose weight for yourself and take care of yourself emotionally. I wish you the very best! Vicki
Whew. What's in this relationship - love? On his part? Is he helping your efforts to lose weight, when you make the effort, or does he make it more difficult? There's more to your relationship than just arguments about your weight (criticism), but no need to analyze that here (a helpful therapist would offer some insights). What is important is for you to realize that nothing changes unless you are in a position to make changes. If he's 'completely willing to give up the relationship,' then that's your handwritten invitation to leave the relationship yourself. When you are ready, you'll do that.
Fitday can help you in your efforts to lose weight and stay healthy. You can do that with or without him, Fitday doesn't care. It's just a tool, but an excellent tool!
agree with you ! as woman we need love ourselves firs . how could a man say love you without respects ?
I don't think I could spend romantic time with anyone that hated my body, and was that vocal about it.
I have felt enough self-loathing about my own body; I don't need to hear it from someone else.
If someone said things like that to me, I would never take my clothes off in front of them even if I lost weight. It would feel too much like humiliation and shame.