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Old 07-21-2012, 10:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Stop the compliments already!

At my workplace when people first started noticing that I'd lost a large amount of weight, it was nice to hear some compliments on it. "Wow you've lost a lot of weight!" "How did you do that?", "How much did you lose?" etc. I know they had good intentions with this and I really didn't mind.

I did see a darker side to that though, that they really noticed how heavy I was before and might have even made jokes about it or thought less of me because of it. So the compliments always made me feel a little awkward anyway. It also puts some pressure on me that I don't appreciate. If, like so many other people, I were to regain some of it, then I know they'd notice that too, and whether they said anything or not, it would be the ultimate embarrassment for me after receiving so many compliments on losing it.

Now it's literally been going on for months and months. There are some people I see every day and they don't really say anything anymore but there are other people I see every few weeks or so and every time they see me they act like they are noticing I lost weight all over again and keep complimenting me on it. "Hey lookin' good!" "Wow did you lose more weight?", etc. It's like they have nothing else to say than that they are monitoring and noticing how much fat I have on my body. This feels invasive and nosy and again, puts pressure on me and raises the fear of regain.

These compliments especially bother me when I know that by the scale, I've basically been maintaining for the last few months, not losing anything. I choose to give myself somewhat of a break, not to let myself gain weight, but to just stop trying to actively lose for a while. Even with that I've lost a few pounds (around 5) but not enough to prompt all these new compliments.

I also hate it when they tell me I'm skinny. I'm not anywhere near skinny. I'm around 190 lbs. I have at least 40 pounds to lose to be in the healthy range and to look slim I'd have to lose 50. Sometimes I've even had nightmares about this where I turn around to them in the dream and scream at them "I'm not skinny, I'm still fat, what's wrong with your eyes?"

Has anyone else had a similar problem?
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Old 07-22-2012, 02:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Absolutely!! I know exactly how you feel!! I try not to look at the negative side, but I always think it in the back of my head and each excessive compliment makes me frown a little. I still enjoy the occasional compliment from someone I haven't seen in a few months, but I definitely want to smack the people who just can't seem to get over it or talk about anything else.

I lost my weight a little too fast so even though my BMI bar on fitday shows I am in a healthy weight range, my body still has a very high % body fat. So yes, when people say, "You are soooo skinny!" They really don't know what they are talking about. All I see is more fat to lose. Yes, I look a lot better....but it still isn't 'skinny.' (not that I need to reach that point to be happy either, but I am barely what I would call 'fit').

I also now HATE the question of "How much weight have you lost?" I didn't walk up to them that morning and say, "How much do you weigh today?" And to me it is the same question. I find it to be an inappropriate and invasive question. I am proud of my accomplishment and happy that I was able to reach this point....but I am also embarrassed by how much extra weight I was carrying around and disgusted with myself for getting so heavy. When I want to share that magical number, I will...but I don't think people should ask.

I understand that they are just being nice and all that....and some times I do appreciate when people notice my hard work. But sometimes.....
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:39 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Right here Ruby! I'm getting those questions too. I do detest the "Skinny" word. the dictionary defines "Skinny" as emaciated, unattractively thin. Good gravy, I hope I am not either of those!

Here's the one I am hating right now..."I hope you aren't planning on losing any more!"

I too, don't really want to reveal to the odd stranger or just a mere acquaintance how many pounds overweight I was. I am embarrassed about it and it has taken me a lot of "think work" to get behind the mental mumbo-jumbo that got me there and got in my way of losing it all these years.

When I tell people how I did it, how involved and intense I am/was/continue to be, counting calories, macro and micro nutrients, eating for my heart, my life... and Ruby, like you weighing EVERYTHING, they seem a little disappointed. I guess they didn't know there is a fierce animal inside this cheerful exterior?!?!
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Old 07-23-2012, 06:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liberatedmist View Post
I definitely want to smack the people who just can't seem to get over it or talk about anything else.
I think what really bothers me about that aspect of it is that it seems like that's the only thing they thought of when they looked at me before, is how fat I was. They didn't see any other part of me. They only thought of me as "the fat girl" and now that I'm not as large as I used to be, maybe their brain has trouble categorizing me somehow and they're lookng for someone who isn't there anymore, so thats ALL they can talk about.

Quote:
I lost my weight a little too fast so even though my BMI bar on fitday shows I am in a healthy weight range, my body still has a very high % body fat. So yes, when people say, "You are soooo skinny!" They really don't know what they are talking about. All I see is more fat to lose. Yes, I look a lot better....but it still isn't 'skinny.' (not that I need to reach that point to be happy either, but I am barely what I would call 'fit').
Congratulations on getting your weight into the healthy range. I'm sure in time that your composition will be better too and you'll feel even better than you do now.

Quote:
I also now HATE the question of "How much weight have you lost?" I didn't walk up to them that morning and say, "How much do you weigh today?" And to me it is the same question. I find it to be an inappropriate and invasive question.
It didn't bother me the first few times but when the SAME people ask it over and over again it makes me feel like they're monitoring me. They're not my doctor and I'm not even close to them in any way so they really are just sticking their nose where it doesn't belong. I especially hate it when I've had a temporary gain of a couple of pounds (due to water or monthly fluctuations) and people compliment me that same day. It makes me feel really awkward.

Quote:
I am proud of my accomplishment and happy that I was able to reach this point....but I am also embarrassed by how much extra weight I was carrying around and disgusted with myself for getting so heavy. When I want to share that magical number, I will...but I don't think people should ask.
Yeah it's pretty personal. The bad thing about being obese, unlike so many other medical conditions, is that other people can see it. I think it's so sad that a private medical condition like obesity is so visible to the rest of the world and opens us up to judgment. All the compliments have a flip side to them. It shows us how much they despise fat when they over-compliment us for losing it. At this point it almost feels like "Good dog! Good dog!"

Quote:
I understand that they are just being nice and all that....and some times I do appreciate when people notice my hard work. But sometimes.....
Thanks for the reply!
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Old 07-23-2012, 06:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by frenchhen3 View Post
Right here Ruby! I'm getting those questions too. I do detest the "Skinny" word. the dictionary defines "Skinny" as emaciated, unattractively thin. Good gravy, I hope I am not either of those!
In all honesty one of my biggest fantasies when I was very heavy was the idea that one day, somewhere, someone would look at me with shock and say "You're too thin! You look sick!" It was a guilty pleasure of a thought. In reality I wouldn't want to be so thin that I actually was sick or unhealthy, but secretly if someone said that and I knew I was healthy and at the weight I wanted to be, it would probably make my day. lol Maybe that's wrong. I don't want to encourage anyone here to be anorexic or anything like that. It's just one of those things I always sort of wanted to hear from someone. Truth is, it's unlikely to ever happen because I don't intend to get skinny enough to receive that kind of remark. Even so, it makes me laugh a little to think about it.

Quote:
Here's the one I am hating right now..."I hope you aren't planning on losing any more!"
That one is really nosy. It's up to you how much to lose. As long as your goal is medically safe then lose as much as you want up to that point. I think that comment comes from jealousy. They're afraid that they're going to look fat compared to you and they don't want to be the big one standing next to you. lol

Quote:
I too, don't really want to reveal to the odd stranger or just a mere acquaintance how many pounds overweight I was. I am embarrassed about it and it has taken me a lot of "think work" to get behind the mental mumbo-jumbo that got me there and got in my way of losing it all these years.
Yeah that is really awkward.

Quote:
When I tell people how I did it, how involved and intense I am/was/continue to be, counting calories, macro and micro nutrients, eating for my heart, my life... and Ruby, like you weighing EVERYTHING, they seem a little disappointed. I guess they didn't know there is a fierce animal inside this cheerful exterior?!?!
I've noticed the same problem. When people ask how I did it, I tell them I counted calories and ate a lot less and they don't like that answer, probably because it's work and they want an easy solution. Maybe I should tell them to go eat acai berries or something, they'd like that better. The bottom line is that it takes hard work and dedication to get through both the emotional and physical barriers to losing weight.
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Old 07-23-2012, 01:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default me too

I had the same feelings, after/while loosing 60 lb I was tired of people comenting on my weight loss calling me slim or something when i was not. I felt like they were watching me, judging me. Sadly I have gained most of the 60 back and am now ready to begin all over again. I wish I could do it secrectlly.
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Old 07-23-2012, 04:46 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by arcy View Post
I had the same feelings, after/while loosing 60 lb I was tired of people comenting on my weight loss calling me slim or something when i was not. I felt like they were watching me, judging me. Sadly I have gained most of the 60 back and am now ready to begin all over again. I wish I could do it secrectlly.
If you did it once, you know you have the tools to do it again. I think everyone on here is right when they say that maintenance can be just as challenging as weight loss.

I really wish that obesity was an invisible disease so that there wasn't the social aspect to it. It would help people not to be discriminated against in jobs, etc. too.
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Old 07-23-2012, 06:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks for making this post Ruby! It is nice to know that I am not the only one out there who was getting annoyed with the compliments. I know people aren't doing it to be mean so I would usually feel guilty later that I couldn't just be happy about getting a compliment....but I feel better knowing that there are other dieters who sometimes have a hard time dealing with it too.
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