My friend doesn't seem to want me to succeed
08-02-2012, 10:36 AM
#11
FitDay Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Long Beach, California SoCal
Posts: 24
I'm kind of going through this right now, with someone you would think would want to see me succeed. I have a sister who is a year younger than I am. We have always been super close as growing up we shared a lot of the same issues, life, parents, school, etc.
My sister started losing weight about a year ago. SHe just recently hit her 70 pound loss mark. She is doing fantastic, no real diet to speak of, she's just trying to eat healthier, smarter portion sizes, drink water and goes hard on the cardio. I'm proud of her. Whereas at one point I was the smaller of the two of us, she is now about 50-60 pounds lighter than me. She has been my inspiration to get into the gym and start trying to be a healthier person.
That said, since I bought a 2 year pass to the gym in April, she has slowly made it more and more clear that she does not want me to be with her. If she and a friend are going to the gym, she won't tell me, or she will flat out refuse to have me go with her (while she takes MY car to the gym mind you). Her reason is "The gym and working out is one thing that I can do by myself. Why do you have to come with me?" I have put myself as far away from her in the gym as possible so she doesn't feel that I'm pushing into her territory or what ever, but she still makes these excuses. If we go to Zumba, she starts the class okay, but if I accidentally bump her or am not doing a dance correctly, she goes off on me in that sisterly way. Y'know, a look here or there that may not mean anything to anyone else, but speaks volumes between sisters. At some points, halfway through the class she starts saying her back or knee is hurting and leaves the class.
I have also tried getting her to come with me. I asked her everyday for a full week if she wanted to go to the gym with me, just to have her turn me down. Then, an hour later her friend called and my sister was suddenly in a rush to leave.
My point is that I can understand this feeling of almost like a betrayal or sabotage from someone that is supposed to be supportive and may even be relying on support from you. It hurts and can cut like a knife. I think with my sister, it especially hurts because she knows what it's like to start where I am starting at. It's not easy and to not have her support is just really difficult.
In any case, I have decided recently to just go without her. That in itself is not easy for me, I like having someone there I know who I can talk to about troubles I'm having, or just to have another girl in the male dominated weights area. Plus, if we're on ellipticals or treadmills or bikes next to each other, it gives me a bit of a boost to try and keep up with her. I'm a competitive person by nature.
In addition, I've had to watch my diet around her. Like you and your friend, my sister and I would talk about how we needed to watch what we were eating, cut back on a lot of the fried foods, lessen the sodas, etc, but we love to eat, we love food. We couldn't just cut out something that we kind of bonded over. When she was first working out, I was the person who would start to cook for health conscious foods for her to eat (she doesn't like to cook). But now that I've started at the gym, she's been so much more lackadaisical it seems. She's eating out quite a bit, which neither of us can afford, and will not help contribute to buying food for the house. Instead, I've been shouldering that burden, not only shopping for ingredients, but also cooking everything at home as well.
I'm not quite sure what to do, but I'm now trying to be less reliant on my sister for support. At this point I figure if I am not doing my best for myself, to see my own goals rewarded, than how will depending on someone else to help me reach them work?
Phew, sorry for such a long post. I haven't really had any outlet for this and really just let it all fly when I saw this thread.
My sister started losing weight about a year ago. SHe just recently hit her 70 pound loss mark. She is doing fantastic, no real diet to speak of, she's just trying to eat healthier, smarter portion sizes, drink water and goes hard on the cardio. I'm proud of her. Whereas at one point I was the smaller of the two of us, she is now about 50-60 pounds lighter than me. She has been my inspiration to get into the gym and start trying to be a healthier person.
That said, since I bought a 2 year pass to the gym in April, she has slowly made it more and more clear that she does not want me to be with her. If she and a friend are going to the gym, she won't tell me, or she will flat out refuse to have me go with her (while she takes MY car to the gym mind you). Her reason is "The gym and working out is one thing that I can do by myself. Why do you have to come with me?" I have put myself as far away from her in the gym as possible so she doesn't feel that I'm pushing into her territory or what ever, but she still makes these excuses. If we go to Zumba, she starts the class okay, but if I accidentally bump her or am not doing a dance correctly, she goes off on me in that sisterly way. Y'know, a look here or there that may not mean anything to anyone else, but speaks volumes between sisters. At some points, halfway through the class she starts saying her back or knee is hurting and leaves the class.
I have also tried getting her to come with me. I asked her everyday for a full week if she wanted to go to the gym with me, just to have her turn me down. Then, an hour later her friend called and my sister was suddenly in a rush to leave.
My point is that I can understand this feeling of almost like a betrayal or sabotage from someone that is supposed to be supportive and may even be relying on support from you. It hurts and can cut like a knife. I think with my sister, it especially hurts because she knows what it's like to start where I am starting at. It's not easy and to not have her support is just really difficult.
In any case, I have decided recently to just go without her. That in itself is not easy for me, I like having someone there I know who I can talk to about troubles I'm having, or just to have another girl in the male dominated weights area. Plus, if we're on ellipticals or treadmills or bikes next to each other, it gives me a bit of a boost to try and keep up with her. I'm a competitive person by nature.
In addition, I've had to watch my diet around her. Like you and your friend, my sister and I would talk about how we needed to watch what we were eating, cut back on a lot of the fried foods, lessen the sodas, etc, but we love to eat, we love food. We couldn't just cut out something that we kind of bonded over. When she was first working out, I was the person who would start to cook for health conscious foods for her to eat (she doesn't like to cook). But now that I've started at the gym, she's been so much more lackadaisical it seems. She's eating out quite a bit, which neither of us can afford, and will not help contribute to buying food for the house. Instead, I've been shouldering that burden, not only shopping for ingredients, but also cooking everything at home as well.
I'm not quite sure what to do, but I'm now trying to be less reliant on my sister for support. At this point I figure if I am not doing my best for myself, to see my own goals rewarded, than how will depending on someone else to help me reach them work?
Phew, sorry for such a long post. I haven't really had any outlet for this and really just let it all fly when I saw this thread.
08-18-2012, 07:22 PM
#13
FitDay Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 28
Sorry to hear about your sister being like that. 
While she might not be changing her mind any time soon, have you got another friend you could maybe invite with you to gym to help push you along? If you two live together, your sister might just want her own space for a bit and not want to do everything together. I don't know how she is usually, but it sounds like she just wants something she can do as her own thing.
On the other hand, it's not fair you getting given all the food buying responsibilities. Just buy the food that you are eating and let her use her own money to buy hers. If she's letting you buy all the food due to her eating out, she'll soon have to learn to cut back and budget when you stop paying for everything. Hope it gets better soon!
While she might not be changing her mind any time soon, have you got another friend you could maybe invite with you to gym to help push you along? If you two live together, your sister might just want her own space for a bit and not want to do everything together. I don't know how she is usually, but it sounds like she just wants something she can do as her own thing.
On the other hand, it's not fair you getting given all the food buying responsibilities. Just buy the food that you are eating and let her use her own money to buy hers. If she's letting you buy all the food due to her eating out, she'll soon have to learn to cut back and budget when you stop paying for everything. Hope it gets better soon!
