Stop the compliments already!
#1
FitDay Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 443
Stop the compliments already!
At my workplace when people first started noticing that I'd lost a large amount of weight, it was nice to hear some compliments on it. "Wow you've lost a lot of weight!" "How did you do that?", "How much did you lose?" etc. I know they had good intentions with this and I really didn't mind.
I did see a darker side to that though, that they really noticed how heavy I was before and might have even made jokes about it or thought less of me because of it. So the compliments always made me feel a little awkward anyway. It also puts some pressure on me that I don't appreciate. If, like so many other people, I were to regain some of it, then I know they'd notice that too, and whether they said anything or not, it would be the ultimate embarrassment for me after receiving so many compliments on losing it.
Now it's literally been going on for months and months. There are some people I see every day and they don't really say anything anymore but there are other people I see every few weeks or so and every time they see me they act like they are noticing I lost weight all over again and keep complimenting me on it. "Hey lookin' good!" "Wow did you lose more weight?", etc. It's like they have nothing else to say than that they are monitoring and noticing how much fat I have on my body. This feels invasive and nosy and again, puts pressure on me and raises the fear of regain.
These compliments especially bother me when I know that by the scale, I've basically been maintaining for the last few months, not losing anything. I choose to give myself somewhat of a break, not to let myself gain weight, but to just stop trying to actively lose for a while. Even with that I've lost a few pounds (around 5) but not enough to prompt all these new compliments.
I also hate it when they tell me I'm skinny. I'm not anywhere near skinny. I'm around 190 lbs. I have at least 40 pounds to lose to be in the healthy range and to look slim I'd have to lose 50. Sometimes I've even had nightmares about this where I turn around to them in the dream and scream at them "I'm not skinny, I'm still fat, what's wrong with your eyes?"
Has anyone else had a similar problem?
I did see a darker side to that though, that they really noticed how heavy I was before and might have even made jokes about it or thought less of me because of it. So the compliments always made me feel a little awkward anyway. It also puts some pressure on me that I don't appreciate. If, like so many other people, I were to regain some of it, then I know they'd notice that too, and whether they said anything or not, it would be the ultimate embarrassment for me after receiving so many compliments on losing it.
Now it's literally been going on for months and months. There are some people I see every day and they don't really say anything anymore but there are other people I see every few weeks or so and every time they see me they act like they are noticing I lost weight all over again and keep complimenting me on it. "Hey lookin' good!" "Wow did you lose more weight?", etc. It's like they have nothing else to say than that they are monitoring and noticing how much fat I have on my body. This feels invasive and nosy and again, puts pressure on me and raises the fear of regain.
These compliments especially bother me when I know that by the scale, I've basically been maintaining for the last few months, not losing anything. I choose to give myself somewhat of a break, not to let myself gain weight, but to just stop trying to actively lose for a while. Even with that I've lost a few pounds (around 5) but not enough to prompt all these new compliments.
I also hate it when they tell me I'm skinny. I'm not anywhere near skinny. I'm around 190 lbs. I have at least 40 pounds to lose to be in the healthy range and to look slim I'd have to lose 50. Sometimes I've even had nightmares about this where I turn around to them in the dream and scream at them "I'm not skinny, I'm still fat, what's wrong with your eyes?"
Has anyone else had a similar problem?
#2
FitDay Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 77
Absolutely!! I know exactly how you feel!! I try not to look at the negative side, but I always think it in the back of my head and each excessive compliment makes me frown a little. I still enjoy the occasional compliment from someone I haven't seen in a few months, but I definitely want to smack the people who just can't seem to get over it or talk about anything else.
I lost my weight a little too fast so even though my BMI bar on fitday shows I am in a healthy weight range, my body still has a very high % body fat. So yes, when people say, "You are soooo skinny!" They really don't know what they are talking about. All I see is more fat to lose. Yes, I look a lot better....but it still isn't 'skinny.' (not that I need to reach that point to be happy either, but I am barely what I would call 'fit').
I also now HATE the question of "How much weight have you lost?" I didn't walk up to them that morning and say, "How much do you weigh today?" And to me it is the same question. I find it to be an inappropriate and invasive question. I am proud of my accomplishment and happy that I was able to reach this point....but I am also embarrassed by how much extra weight I was carrying around and disgusted with myself for getting so heavy. When I want to share that magical number, I will...but I don't think people should ask.
I understand that they are just being nice and all that....and some times I do appreciate when people notice my hard work. But sometimes.....
I lost my weight a little too fast so even though my BMI bar on fitday shows I am in a healthy weight range, my body still has a very high % body fat. So yes, when people say, "You are soooo skinny!" They really don't know what they are talking about. All I see is more fat to lose. Yes, I look a lot better....but it still isn't 'skinny.' (not that I need to reach that point to be happy either, but I am barely what I would call 'fit').
I also now HATE the question of "How much weight have you lost?" I didn't walk up to them that morning and say, "How much do you weigh today?" And to me it is the same question. I find it to be an inappropriate and invasive question. I am proud of my accomplishment and happy that I was able to reach this point....but I am also embarrassed by how much extra weight I was carrying around and disgusted with myself for getting so heavy. When I want to share that magical number, I will...but I don't think people should ask.
I understand that they are just being nice and all that....and some times I do appreciate when people notice my hard work. But sometimes.....
#3
FitDay Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 365
Right here Ruby! I'm getting those questions too. I do detest the "Skinny" word. the dictionary defines "Skinny" as emaciated, unattractively thin. Good gravy, I hope I am not either of those!
Here's the one I am hating right now..."I hope you aren't planning on losing any more!"
I too, don't really want to reveal to the odd stranger or just a mere acquaintance how many pounds overweight I was. I am embarrassed about it and it has taken me a lot of "think work" to get behind the mental mumbo-jumbo that got me there and got in my way of losing it all these years.
When I tell people how I did it, how involved and intense I am/was/continue to be, counting calories, macro and micro nutrients, eating for my heart, my life... and Ruby, like you weighing EVERYTHING, they seem a little disappointed. I guess they didn't know there is a fierce animal inside this cheerful exterior?!?!
Here's the one I am hating right now..."I hope you aren't planning on losing any more!"
I too, don't really want to reveal to the odd stranger or just a mere acquaintance how many pounds overweight I was. I am embarrassed about it and it has taken me a lot of "think work" to get behind the mental mumbo-jumbo that got me there and got in my way of losing it all these years.
When I tell people how I did it, how involved and intense I am/was/continue to be, counting calories, macro and micro nutrients, eating for my heart, my life... and Ruby, like you weighing EVERYTHING, they seem a little disappointed. I guess they didn't know there is a fierce animal inside this cheerful exterior?!?!
#4
FitDay Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 443
I lost my weight a little too fast so even though my BMI bar on fitday shows I am in a healthy weight range, my body still has a very high % body fat. So yes, when people say, "You are soooo skinny!" They really don't know what they are talking about. All I see is more fat to lose. Yes, I look a lot better....but it still isn't 'skinny.' (not that I need to reach that point to be happy either, but I am barely what I would call 'fit').
I also now HATE the question of "How much weight have you lost?" I didn't walk up to them that morning and say, "How much do you weigh today?" And to me it is the same question. I find it to be an inappropriate and invasive question.
I am proud of my accomplishment and happy that I was able to reach this point....but I am also embarrassed by how much extra weight I was carrying around and disgusted with myself for getting so heavy. When I want to share that magical number, I will...but I don't think people should ask.
I understand that they are just being nice and all that....and some times I do appreciate when people notice my hard work. But sometimes.....
#5
FitDay Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 443
Here's the one I am hating right now..."I hope you aren't planning on losing any more!"
I too, don't really want to reveal to the odd stranger or just a mere acquaintance how many pounds overweight I was. I am embarrassed about it and it has taken me a lot of "think work" to get behind the mental mumbo-jumbo that got me there and got in my way of losing it all these years.
When I tell people how I did it, how involved and intense I am/was/continue to be, counting calories, macro and micro nutrients, eating for my heart, my life... and Ruby, like you weighing EVERYTHING, they seem a little disappointed. I guess they didn't know there is a fierce animal inside this cheerful exterior?!?!
#6
FitDay Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 14
me too
I had the same feelings, after/while loosing 60 lb I was tired of people comenting on my weight loss calling me slim or something when i was not. I felt like they were watching me, judging me. Sadly I have gained most of the 60 back and am now ready to begin all over again. I wish I could do it secrectlly.
#7
FitDay Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 443
I had the same feelings, after/while loosing 60 lb I was tired of people comenting on my weight loss calling me slim or something when i was not. I felt like they were watching me, judging me. Sadly I have gained most of the 60 back and am now ready to begin all over again. I wish I could do it secrectlly.
I really wish that obesity was an invisible disease so that there wasn't the social aspect to it. It would help people not to be discriminated against in jobs, etc. too.
#8
FitDay Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 77
Thanks for making this post Ruby! It is nice to know that I am not the only one out there who was getting annoyed with the compliments. I know people aren't doing it to be mean so I would usually feel guilty later that I couldn't just be happy about getting a compliment....but I feel better knowing that there are other dieters who sometimes have a hard time dealing with it too.