All of us have been where you are... not feeling too good about ourselves, disappointed at past efforts, mixed signals from the home front, and a little anxious on how to start. At 5'4" and 185 you are in a great place to lose the weight and turn all of those negative health factors around. Persistance is the key as you will read over and over again on these boards.
CJ is exactly right, you are starting a new way of living. In order to make it stick start with changing just a few things at a time. I don't know if you like to exercise, but from my experience, and the experiences noted here, that seems to be one of the best things you can start ASAP. And since spring is just starting what a great way to start a new you.
I tried for years to lose the 30 or so pounds. I have a pretty healthy lifestyle, but just couldn't keep up with the calories I was eating until I found FitDay. (I'm going to sound like an infomercial here) Being able to record what I ate and get immediate feedback on not only calories, but protien-fats-carbs and nutienet value was the missing link. Not that I am perfect all the time, but I know right away when I have gone over my calorie target and what exactly it was that put me over that limit. I admit to being a data-geek, and all those charts and graphs give me something of an intellectual boost, but it is working!
Check out the 30lb club, since that seems to be your target. Even though, techincally, I could join the 5 to 15 club now, I just love all the girls checking in on that thread!
We range in age from 20 to at least 53 (that would be me) and it is such fun and inspirational to read what everyone is thinking and experiencing.
Keep on keep,n on!