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Old 05-29-2012, 08:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
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This makes me so effing mad. I'm sure everybody was extremely proud of you when you were pregnant. Most people keep showering pregnant women with kindness and treats because 'you've got to eat for two now'. However, once they give birth, they're too fat all of a sudden. Well, it's pregnancy, you're EXPECTED to gain weight. And for most women, it's not that easy to shed it afterwards. Just try and ignore their catty comments, you're better than that. I know it's horribly difficult to do this, but hey, what the hell do they know. It really pissed me to read about your husband losing his patience. What patience?? He was patient enough to have a child with you, he should be supporting you. And if he's not, that's his loss, because I'm sure you're going to make it. Just stay strong, if you can't do it on your own with the tools on FitDay find a nutritionist, one that you can work with. Eventually, you will find a diet/exercise routine that works for you.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Absentha View Post
This makes me so effing mad. I'm sure everybody was extremely proud of you when you were pregnant. Most people keep showering pregnant women with kindness and treats because 'you've got to eat for two now'. However, once they give birth, they're too fat all of a sudden. Well, it's pregnancy, you're EXPECTED to gain weight. And for most women, it's not that easy to shed it afterwards. Just try and ignore their catty comments, you're better than that. I know it's horribly difficult to do this, but hey, what the hell do they know. It really pissed me to read about your husband losing his patience. What patience?? He was patient enough to have a child with you, he should be supporting you. And if he's not, that's his loss, because I'm sure you're going to make it. Just stay strong, if you can't do it on your own with the tools on FitDay find a nutritionist, one that you can work with. Eventually, you will find a diet/exercise routine that works for you.
Yes yes yes yes yes!!!

The word "patience" really bothered me too. A wife isn't a husband's property, and it isn't her duty to get back in shape after having a baby. Maybe it was just odd phrasing, but it made me feel squicky.

I think people see celebrities losing all their baby weight within a few weeks and think that's the norm...without realizing that most regular people don't have personal trainers and cooks and nannies (not to mention a lot of them getting tummy tucks while they're having their c-section). It's celebrities' job to look good, and they have endless resources to make it happen - often at the expense of their baby.

Why does everyone think that womens' bodies are fair game once they get pregnant anyway? If a guy gained some weight (without even making a person), there wouldn't be so much concern-trolling about it. Everybody thinks they have the right to monitor the weight of pregnant/post-partum women as though their body is no longer their own.

It's a proven fact that people don't lose weight by being put down and criticized over it. I think it really has nothing to do with the weight anyway, it's just a way to make thinner people feel better about themselves by making someone else feel bad...while all the while pretending it's because they care. If they cared, they would be supporting the person and letting them know they're loved at any size.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:42 PM   #13 (permalink)
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You're the same person you would be if you were smaller, so don't think you'd feel better about yourself just by losing weight. Feel better about yourself now, love yourself NOW, even if you gain weight, still love yourself. If you lose weight, it doesn't make you a better person because you'll still be the SAME person. Does this make sense?
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Old 05-31-2012, 04:35 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Nicely said Ruby!
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Old 05-31-2012, 12:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I think Moms mean well by what they say but it just made me eat more. I was worried about my Daughters weight for awhile but I made sure I didn't say anything unless she brought it up first. Then I was careful about what I said. My seventeen year old son is a little over weight, he talks to me about it now and then but again I am careful about what I say. He can see that my husband (diabetic) and I try to stay healthy by walking and eating right (most of the time). Everyone falls off the wagon now and then. Stay strong mamas0407
I really related to this because I have been afraid and concerned about my DD's weight for a long time, especially due to health issues in the family on both sides (high bp, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, you name it.) And also because it is tough in this society being heavier. It was heartbreaking to hear my talented DD say she didn't get a lead role in a school play because "no one gives the lead to the fat girl." Or to hear her say that guys only seem to like the thin girls. And I know I said some less than sensitive things trying to be "helpful" and I am learning to do what ahappieru has done and not say anything; let her bring it up and let it be about health and eating better and exercising rather than fat/thin. It was also heartbreaking to her her ask "Can't anyone just love me as I am?"
You should be loved just as you are and as a teacher once told me very few people respond well to insult and criticism. All these negative comments don't help anyway; it only makes us feel worse, more depressed, more prone to overeat. No one has the right to be mean: not your Mom, not your significant other, no one. We all have our struggles. People ARE insensitive (moms included and maybe especially Moms.) And your husband's remark...well can we say clueless? Try to forgive and let go of the hurt if you can and realize that you can achieve your goals (we are here to help and support you) but you are perfectly lovable and worthy of love just the way you are. I wish I had said that to my own DD more often and I pray that she hears it when I do say it and that for her at 18 it is not too little too late. I have spent most of my life with weight issues, diet obsession, on a new eating plan every other week and I don't blame DD for not wanting to be like me (she refuses to diet) but I still say to her try to eat well and take care of yourself. I wish I could have modeled healthier behavior but I am trying now. Ah, the damage we do in "trying to help." Just know this: you can do it, mama, don't give up.
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Last edited by canary52; 05-31-2012 at 02:09 PM.
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Old 05-31-2012, 02:05 PM   #16 (permalink)
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You're the same person you would be if you were smaller, so don't think you'd feel better about yourself just by losing weight. Feel better about yourself now, love yourself NOW, even if you gain weight, still love yourself. If you lose weight, it doesn't make you a better person because you'll still be the SAME person. Does this make sense?
I love this. This is a motto to live by.
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