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Old 03-19-2012, 07:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Accepting "compliments"

Hi! This is probably a weird concern, but 1 of the reasons i hate losing weight is because then people talk about it and I hate it! noone says, "oh wow, you look like you gained a bunch of weight", so why bring it up if i lost it?! I know most of them mean well, it just makes me very uncomfortable. maybe because it reminds me that that the last time they saw me i looked heavy when i secretly hoped nobody noticed...? I don't know but i can't stand it. especially when they ask "did you lose weight?" or "how much weight did you lose?"
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi! This is probably a weird concern, but 1 of the reasons i hate losing weight is because then people talk about it and I hate it! noone says, "oh wow, you look like you gained a bunch of weight", so why bring it up if i lost it?! I know most of them mean well, it just makes me very uncomfortable. maybe because it reminds me that that the last time they saw me i looked heavy when i secretly hoped nobody noticed...? I don't know but i can't stand it. especially when they ask "did you lose weight?" or "how much weight did you lose?"
It makes me feel awkward too. I wish nobody was looking at my body to begin with. Someone even told me I should wear more revealing/tight clothes and said "If you've got it, flaunt it!" Ugh!

Anyway I try to see it as people trying to be nice.

I wish society didn't notice things like weight so much, it would put less pressure on people and maybe we would have fewer anorexics and overeaters to begin with.
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I think that the majority of people assume that since you are working hard to better yourself that they should compliment you on it. I don't think they mean to say " I was staring at you and noticed you aren't as fat as you used to be. " They probably mean something more like " I have noticed that you are working hard and your hard work is paying off. " They say it to try and encourage us to keep going.
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I've learned to roll with it. Seriously I can go anywhere with my dirty hair in a ratty ponytail, no make-up, covered head to toe in paint spatters and I'll run in to someone I haven't seen in years, and they're all like, "wow you look GREAT!". And I usually jokingly say, "yeah I just came from the hair dressers". Or something equally inane. I don't think people do it to make you feel uncomfortable, I think they just want to encourage you in your quest to be healthy. It's certainly a lot easier to take then, "hey when's that baby due?", when I actually wasn't pregnant.
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Old 03-19-2012, 10:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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It's certainly a lot easier to take then, "hey when's that baby due?", when I actually wasn't pregnant.
HAHAH!!! Happened to me too when I was like 18 cashiering at Winn Dixie!! This customer came in and I was doing my job, making polite small talk while I rang up the cart, and she says "So, when are you due?" And just as nonchalant as she asked me, I looked her directly in the eye and said "oh, I'm not pregnant....just fat". Her friend about DIED!

I've had a lot of people, especially the past few days, ask me what my "secret" is. Most are people I see on a regular basis, so they've actually noticed the steady decline. Saturday night, while being carded at the bar for the big St. Patty's Party, the bouncer just kept looking from my ID to my face. Each time a looking more and more confused. When he handed me back my license he said "Congratulations! You need to go get that pic updated, cause DAMN!!!!" And just this afternoon leaving work, one of the cashiers wanted to know what I was doing. I told her simply that I was counting calories and working out. She said that she had tried counting, but that she "just can't live on 1200 calories a day." I told her that, in fact, she could. She just had to want it bad enough.

As everyone else has said, I don't think people mean it as "omg, you were so fat before. But look at you now!!" They mean it as encouraging. I take it as nothing more than a sincere compliment.
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Old 03-20-2012, 03:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
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As a college student working at a grocery store, I see high school classmates and teachers CONSTANTLY. And what do they say? "Wow! You've lost a lot of weight, haven't you!?"

At first it was encouraging and I felt good about myself but then I realized that I must have *looked* heavy when I felt like I looked pretty good back then. I try not to let it get to me. I focus on how I feel now and look at the comments as triumphs.

The WORST was when a few nights ago my new boyfriend of only 2 months asked me after sex: "Have you lost more weight?" I was shocked. I choked out a "Well, yeah, a little... I uh... I'm still losing." He immediately felt weird for asking and assured me that he's always thought I looked amazing. Still: ugh.
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Old 03-20-2012, 03:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
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The world is such a happier place when you assume good intention, and try to return it. My favorite compliments come from ladies at the Y - my Y is in Chinatown, English language and American Culture are new to many of the members.

The sweet older Chinese ladies look at me and say "so skinny now" with big smiles - yes, it means they've been watching progress, but they are cheering me on, and I'll treasure it.

Abby
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Old 03-20-2012, 05:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Abby, that is really awesome at your gym...

Compliments can be hard to accept when we arent used to getting them. I find I cant just say "Thank you", I stammer and say something like, "Well, I'm trying I've still got more to go." something stupid like that.

Then for the next hour I think to myself, "Why didn't I just say THANK YOU? I have worked hard and I deserve to feel good about it!!!!"

This is one of my work in progress projects!!!
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Old 03-20-2012, 06:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
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My husband always says how fabulous I look even though I have gain almost 20 pounds. He was surprised when I told him I was 20 pounds heavier than in the summer. I think he knew I was heavier but didn't want to hurt my feeling. My point is, for friends, family the person inside of you is more important to them. If you lose weight, it's great, and good for you. Otherwise, they still love you the way you are.
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Old 03-20-2012, 07:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I assume that most people who notice my weight loss mean it as a compliment to my hard work. I know I was (still am) fat and of course they noticed that I was. I am happy that they can see the results of my hard work.

I'm kind of the opposite with how I feel about this because after I reached the 20-25 pounds lost mark I was secretly hoping that someone would notice. I didn't want to have been so big that 20 pounds lost looked like nothing and I was afraid if no one noticed that it meant I had looked even worse to begin with than I thought I did. I was so pleased when the first acquaintance of mine who didn't know that I was trying to lose weight noticed it and complemented me. She was genuinely happy for me, as she had recently been working on her weight as well and understood the effort it took.

There are definitely people out there who give backhanded compliments and others are just unaware of how their compliments really come across. I think it depends on how well we know the person to know how they actually meant the comment. But like mentioned above, in most cases I believe people mean to be supportive.
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