ToriD1012

Teenage Tori always thought that she should get her way (adult Tori does too LOL) and there would be no consequences for her actions. If I were you, I'd set the curfew back by like an hour, and really show her what hardcore is. But that's just how I roll LOL!!

I put my parents through a lot of BS during my teens/early 20s, and adult Tori realizes that part of it is because they were too lenient on me. I was the youngest, and the girl. Does it excuse my behavior, absolutely not. But it does explain a lot of it. If you give and give, eventually people just start taking. (I had this exact conversation with my SIL last night) Follow through on your rules and consequences. Did you say that she has a job? If so, relate her home rules to her job ones. What would happen if she constantly broke rules at work? There would be consequences. (again, something Tori had to learn the hard way at work in her drunk every night early 20s) Teenagers are going to push boundries, it's what they do. *learning this with DN1 now, she'll be 13 in May* They may see it as hardcore, and b*tchy, but it's only to help them later in life. Eventually DD will see that. It took TeenageTori a while, but she finally came around.

And aww, thanks, I like Adult Tori too. But she's still a work in progress....

canary52

You know, Tori, I know you're right. But I get tired of fighting. And DD was born fighting; she was a tough breech birth, very stressed. She came into the world stressed and stressing me! Hell, before she was born, they thought there was something genetically wrong with her. As a child, she would fight me even if she wanted what I was saying. On the other hand, she was always a top student and generally a pretty good kid. She always called me to tell me where she was; she always spent time with me and in her own grudging ways, tries to be kind. And she had health issues, high fevers and a swelling of the insides of her knees, called myolitis. And at 9 was diagnosed with kidney disease, which seems to be under control now. So you know, honey, I am just worn down. And I was a much tougher teenager than she is. I think what teenagers forget is that parents have their own struggles too besides worrying themselves sick or crazy over their kids. I have been in a fibromyalgia flare and it's terrible to say but I don't have the energy to be battling. But I give it my best shot!!!!

And you give me hope, Tori, because you seem to have turned out well even with lenient parents.

ToriD1012

Maybe it's a breech baby thing....I was breech. Luckily for my Momma my older brother had to be born by Caesarian, so I was a "scheduled birth", so it didn't matter if I were breech or not. I wasn't really much of a fighter, but I was and still am VERY STUBBORN! I won't back down, even if I know I'm wrong. I tend to try and find out some kind of reason that would make me right. Teens typically are very self centered (from what I've seen this carries on until usually 22-23), so I don't think it's just her being difficult with you. She is totally consumed with herself and her friends that she just doesn't give much thought to your stress. Don't take it personally. She probably doesn't even realize that you're stressed until you react negatively. I get that you're worn down. My own mom has fibro, but wasn't diagnosed with it until maybe 10 years ago. So, I was already an adult when she found out, it made it easier to understand. I still struggle with understanding though, because I'm not her. But I try my best to be sympathetic.

However, she did have a lot of health problems right after I graduated high school. She was in and out of the hospital. My dad worked a lot, and my brother was more self centered than I was. So a lot of her care fell on me, at age 17. And I did my best to help, but I lashed out. I got angry. I cried, I threw things. I spent my nights partying (underage). But deep down, knew it wasn't her fault. It was just my way of expressing my anger at the situation. It takes time to get to a place of understanding. She will get there. I would sit her down, when you're both having a good day, and just explain it to her. Say "listen, I know you don't understand. And I know you have your own issues that you're dealing with. But I'm stressed to the max. And the more we argue and butt heads, the worse it makes it." She'll either take it positively because you were calm, or she'll get upset and say that you're attacking her (I've done both in the past). There's really no way to know how she'll react. Just know that you've done what you could with the situation. And if need be, fall back on an oldie but a goodie "as long as you're under my roof, you'll do as I say"......be the deciplinarian if you have to. It's not going to hurt her

01gt4.6

I finished my 1/2. No official time from their website yet but should be under 3 hours.

Mern

Hope and Tori, curfew violations are one issue where I keep my mouth shut. I went ballistic over my DD's curfew violations and it backfired on me. And now she goes ballistic over her daughters'. You'd think she'd have learned from my mistake but she didn't.

Hope, sounds like you had a well-deserved time out with your friends Friday. I'm so glad.

Saturday Report: went to the gym again yesterday. Got in all my water. Down three pounds since Wednesday. Didn't log my food yesterday, but my menu was well on track: a veggie omelet, avocado, pork rinds, almonds, grilled chicken, steak, tossed salad with low carb ranch dressing, and broccoli.

Today is my day off exercise. I need to do some shoulder exercises, though, because since I've been doing only treadmill, I can feel my tendons and ligaments in my upper arm getting slightly inflamed and sore from rubbing on the bone spurs. I know I need to keep them stretched out to prevent the return or bursitis and tendonitis. It's not painful enough yet to require any home treatment other than exercise, so I believe I can nip it in the bud.

ToriD1012

WootWoot!!

I've decided what I wanna be when I grow up.

"I wanna be like Mike" hahahaha I've waited YEARS to be able to use that one!!!!


GREAT JOB!!!

Mern

Way to go, Mike!

canary52

You were breech; that's so funny. I mean, not funny but... And I am SO sorry your Mom has fibro. It sucks bigtime. You sound like you had a lot on your plate as a teen. And maybe you were "unreasonable" then but you sound pretty sensible now. And we have had so many of those heart to heart talks that is is almost worse than punishment already. ("Oh no here come my mother with that earnest look on her face. Again." "Honey I just want want you to know wahwhawah..." like in the Snoopy cartoon when the teacher is talking and the kid tunes out. In fact my DD has said "I hate it when you're earnest. I PREFER you sarcastic.") I once saw a woman in a gym wearing a tee shirt that said "Because I said so." I need to get me one of those!!!

Mike: Congrats!!! And in lousy shoes too!! If I knew how I would also post a dancing banana!!

Mern: three pounds. Way to go, Mama!!! You are rocking that low carb!!! And I hear you about stuff backfiring. That's how it is with DD. You have to know your kid. Or grandkid. And the thing is they are insane.

ToriD1012

My mom wasn't a talker, but a letter writer. I'd come home and find letters shoved under my bedroom door. It's an inside joke with my SIL, Bro, and me now. 'Don't piss Momma off 'cause she'll write you a letter.' Now, my Deddy, he was a sit down and talk person. And he's not much of a talker day to day, so it was always kinda funny when he was trying to be all serious.

So, maybe that's it. DON'T sit her down. Write her a letter!!!!!!!

And yeah, me being breech is pretty funny. Even then I liked to do things my own way!

canary52

I am a letter writer too. But then last year during a terrible time I wrote her a a sincere letter of apology. She wrote some horrible bitter responses thoughout and left it where I would see it. After that, the urge to write... not so much. Have you saved any of your mom's letters?

BTW you just made me wonder if there isn't something special (in a good way) about breech babies.