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Old 01-25-2012, 06:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Family won't help a bit

Hello everyone.

I started my diet last year and it's been on and off, but I managed to lose 12 kgs. The problem is, my father is one of those skinny people who can manage to eat whatever they want without gaining any weight. So my house is always full of junk food: cookies, chocolate, chips, greasy cheese, you name it... I talked to him long ago about this, but he claims that it's my problem if I'm on a diet and he does not need to pay for it.
I do realise he's kind of right, but... Let's be honest here, I got fat when I was a kid because of the lousy meals I got at home, because I never ate junk out of the house and I always did a lot of exercise. Nowadays, yeah, he might be thin, but he refuses to take blood tests because we all know his cholesterol must be quite high.
The thing is, every time I seem to start focusing and losing weight properly, the amount of junk in the house seems to grow.
Am I imagining things or is he trying to sabotage me?? I really don't get it, because I've been putting up with his comments about my weight and his stupid advice forever (and yes, it is stupid, when I was little he told me that if I ate bread with every meal I would get skinnier).
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Old 01-25-2012, 06:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It sounds like your dad doesn't know how to help you. Unfortunately living in 'his' house, you are kind of at a loss if he doesn't want to help you out by hiding his junk food at all. I will say though that once I was resolved to do this, it doesn't matter what junk is in my house (and there always is). I just don't eat it. I will fix my hubby whatever junky snack he wants and then fix myself something healthy. Sometimes he wants my healthy snack too and that is what I am going for. But sometimes you have to understand that just because you want to change yourself doesn't mean your dad is ready or willing to change himself.

How old are you? I am sorry that you are having this battle along with trying weight loss.
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Old 01-25-2012, 07:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Absentha,

My only advice would be to ask your Dad if he could just keep all of the junk food in one place, perhaps one cupboard and one drawer in the refrigerator, and not have it scattered about because you don't need to be seeing it all the time. But you can avoid one cupboard and a drawer in the refrigerator.

You can't really ask him not to eat the junk in front of you, that will be up to you to walk away from him when he's doing so. Maybe he'll get the message that way and will decide to be a little more compassionate. Sorry you're going through this, it's tough enough trying to lose weight. But I don't think he's intentionally trying to sabotage you.
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Old 01-25-2012, 08:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you guys, I'll definitely try to have him keep all his stuff in the same cupboard, because ever since X-mas there's been a huge tray of 'turron' (sorry, I don't know if there's any translation for this) on the living room's table. He just can't seem to stop buying bars. Also, he gets pisses when I walk away when he's eating crap. We argued today because of this, I told him he's never tried to help me, even though he's always wanted me to lose weight. I mean, I guess if a family takes a positive view on dieting and starts eating better, the member on a diet is more likely to succeed, aren't they?
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Old 01-25-2012, 08:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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ive read somewhere that people who've known you the longest and know you best are psychologically driven to keep you in your current state. when you tell them you are going to try to get healthy and lose weight, at first they will say things like, way to go, its a good thing you want to lose some youll feel better, etc. but after a while when they start to see you changing it becomes a threat to them somehow and they subconsciously will sabotage you.

i know it makes sense when i think about friends... when my friends see me they think oh there's big mark, he's always good for some laughs. but what if i wasnt just there for entertainment, and now im competition for a mate. where i dont understand this pyschological condition is when it comes to family. but ive definitely experienced it with my parents as well, as we speak theres a texas sheet cake on the table and its taunting me... evil sheetcake
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Old 01-25-2012, 08:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I guess it could have something to do with the fact that I was already fat as a child... Maybe he's subconciously trying to keep me as his little girl. I don't know. I realise now that I made him sound quite bad but he is actually a fantastic father and has been a great help many times (just not on this matter).
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Old 01-25-2012, 10:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Absentha-
I really feel for you and your post really got me thinking. When i was a child yes i was happy but i was never taught about nutrition or about anything that made me aware of having a healthy body. My mum had her own thoughts on losing weight- she still does and it doesnt do her any favours. I grew up eating good family meals but they were prepared badly and i was always allowed to eat what i wanted. Everything that happened after that wasnt anybodys fault but my own but i didnt have a single ounce of support from anywhere!!!
It annoys me a little now that my parents are beginning to only realise now they are in their 50s how to live and eat healthily. They now make the efforts to eat more fruit/veg/salad- if only they had one this when i was younger. If i go around i always am offered something fattening or high cal!
I used to be the fattest in the family and now they realise i am getting closer to their weights they all make an effort to diet. Anyway im not letting it get me stressed and im doing this for the right reasons- for me!! I ensure that i show my kids the balance between foods and they are educated with food in a fun and positive way.

With your father- i only noticed and realised certain things about my parents as i got older and got the support from my boyfriend and close friends.
We have treats in the house and although they can be tempting its much easier when i have my alternatives. Anything not to feel deprived.

Just stay strong and stick with it- your dad will more likely come around to the idea of you wanting to lose weight when he sees how happy it makes you. Congratulations on the 12kg youve already lost so far! Good luck- let us know how you go.
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Old 01-25-2012, 10:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Absentha View Post
Also, he gets pisses when I walk away when he's eating crap. We argued today because of this, I told him he's never tried to help me, even though he's always wanted me to lose weight.

Well that's just too bad for him, isn't it?

Let him get upset that you walk away when he's eating his junk. That's just too bad. You don't have to sit there and be subjected to that. Like I said, he'll get the message and then it's up to HIM to decide what to do about it.

He told you "it's my problem if I'm on a diet and he does not need to pay for it" well you can tell him that it's his problem he can't stop eating junk food and you don't need to pay for it. What's he gonna do, force you to sit there as he gobbles down Twinkies?

Just play it cool with him and stay strong. He'll come around. Right now it sounds like you've got to earn his respect in this area, and the only way to do that is to be strong but fair. And don't argue with him, just show him by your actions that you mean business.

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Old 01-25-2012, 10:57 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Great advice Vito. Arguing with your dad will only demonstrate that you are still a little girl - and clearly you are your own person now
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Old 01-25-2012, 11:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I also agree with Vito. You can't change your behavior based on how other people feel...unless you want to risk the joys of being codependent (that's heavy sarcasm there) and compromising your own mental (and sometimes physical) health. If he's pissed, that's his to deal with. But the flip side is also true...if you're pissed about something he's said or done, that's on your plate to figure out how to deal with. We can be a great support system, so use us however you need to!
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