Absentha

Thank you for your support guys! I don't usually use the forums, but I bet I will be using them more often now, it really helps to talk to people who know what I'm going through (and I don't mean it in the 'victim' way, but it is a journey not everyone experiences).

wildbeanerz

Never feel like you are playing the victim.
You never know what others are going through and maybe someone else is experiencing the same issues and for whatever reason isn't discussing it. Our answers to you can help that other person too.

taubele

You've gotten some great advice here.

I'd also offer this advice - from someone who has an unhealthy father who HASN'T managed to stay skinny but still eats junk, and tries to impose - you're only ever going to get him to realize that you're serious by following through on what you say you're going to do. It takes willpower (a lot) and dedication, but he seems like the "Show, don't tell" type of person.

Whenever my Dad has treats laying out (it's usually fun-size candy bars at home), I don't say anything to him, but I just move it out of my arm's reach. If he says something, I tell him I just didn't want it near me. I'll ask him if he wants any and offer it to him, that usually shuts him up

If he offers me something, I'll just say "No, thank you." Don't offer reasoning - he doesn't have to hear your reasoning! - and if he asks why, just say "I don't want any right now." (Again, with the not offering reasoning). The thing about it is, if you offer your reasoning, you're giving him more with which to belittle you or argue with you about, if that's his M.O.

Also... something else it took me time to learn - recognize the GOOD things he does. It may feel like he "always" or "never" does something, but I try to avoid putting those words into an argument as I find they're usually not true. Maybe one time he DOES move the treats. Or maybe he DOES move his snacks to the cupboard if you ask. Something, anything, even if it's just not saying anything when you bring out your healthy snacks. Make sure you're recognizing those things even if you don't say it out loud at first, because it might help you to deal with your own reaction to him (Family members know how to push buttons!! And we know how to LET them!!) and temper it. Just my two cents, though. I don't know your family

We're here if you need to vent more!

prospero1501

Absentha, I know exactly how you feel. I also live with my super-skinny father, along with my husband and son, who are also thin. They all eat whatever they want (beer, ice cream, pizza, etc) without gaining a thing, while I'm sitting there trying to choke down whole-wheat crackers and celery, trying to get full on healthy food that costs an arm and a leg and does not fill me up. What I try to do is buy myself my own 'treats,' such as yoghurt (because I am a sugar-addict), or fruit, and I try to follow a meal plan that lists the types of foods to eat (for example, 1 fruit serving), not specific foods in general (for example, 1 apple), because it is much easier than trying to eat the ones listed, especially if I don't like what is on the list. One thing I discovered is that you should never completely restrict yourself from the 'garbage food,' because if you do that, the next time you have it, you will certainly binge on it. Just eat one serving of that food sparingly, get plenty of exercise, and you should be fine. And don't let the guys in your house get you down!

almeeker

All I can suggest is to dig deep and pull up your inner mule. Be stubborn and consistent and eventually he'll either come around or at least accept that you've chosen to lead a healthier life and fully intent to eat healthy regardless of the example he's setting. I've been working on my mother for YEARS, dad however was pretty much a lost cause until he watched his own mother die. She didn't die from obesity, but I think a life time of a poor diet definitely contributed to her health problems. I think down deep dad knows this and he's made some progress, well my mother puts salad on the table now and he eats it without complaining (which by the way is new for him, he always complained before).

Maybe where your dad is concerned you could offer to do the grocery shopping or the cooking. A lot of men won't choose to eat healthy, but if you put hot food in front of them they will eat without question or complaints. A lot of healthy dishes are delish, so it shouldn't be that hard to get him to cooperate a little at least. Also arguing with him may only make him more stubborn, so as a tactic I can't recommend it. You might make a practice of reading the nutritional labels on his junk food, and should it come up be able to express your concerns.

Kathy13118

As long as you know how much and what you are eating, it's a good idea to leave your dad's eating habits alone. You don't have to eat what he eats. He doesn't have to eat what you eat. It can easily turn into a war of 'What I eat is better than what you eat...' and that turns nasty fast!

You say he gets mad when you walk away from him when he's making bad food choices. He may be interpreting that as some sort of comment on his eating habits. Just stay away from him when food is involved, if you can - eat your own meals separately or out of the house. If you can't stay away, then try to be calm enough to not let him goad you ('Have some.' 'No thanks, I'm not hungry.' 'What's wrong? Are you sick?' 'No, I already had something to eat and I'm not hungry....' and so on) because food choice and preparation can become a battlefield! The thing is: it takes two to to begin the battle.

meroliena

wow this is great advice ...surely i find a situation to apply it myself.

woodog

Food - meals, together time, etc. - are the universal element in families... so when the balance is upset unilaterally (your diet) there will be conflict.

If there are underlying (read unresolved) conflicts (and trust me, as a fat child there are CONFLICTS about what is said, how you are treated.... EVERYTHING) then these will surface. But again, it's not about the food.

Only you can change your life. Be nice to your father. Eat those things which will help you with your goal.

You haven't stated your age, but that is important to know, as these conflicts play out a lot differently at 14 than, say, 30 or 45 years of age.

good luck. Stay strong.

Forrest

Absentha

Sorry to bump this old thread, but my father had a heart attack on Monday. He's stable now, but scared to death, and he's finally agreed with me that he needs to start eating healthier. I just wish he would have listened earlier and for different reasons.
I guess this proves you can be skinny and unhealthy (I had my blood tests done last week and they are perfect).

woodog

Oh my... healing thoughts are being sent even as I type.

forrest