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-   -   Diet forgiveness? How do you forgive yourselves? (http://www.fitday.com/fitness/forums/support-group-just-women/532-diet-forgiveness-how-do-you-forgive-yourselves.html)

DeathArrow 02-27-2010 11:06 PM

Diet forgiveness? How do you forgive yourselves?
 
Hi. So recently today, I went out with my friends to a culture festival, I thought I was doing a good thing by eating some boiled chicken on a whole grain bread sandwich with some nonfat yogurt so I wouldn't be tempted to buy food there...sure enough..I felt bloated and fat because earlier I had some sugar free chocolate mousse (not bad! only 60 calories) and some whole wheat kashi cereal. Then while I was there...I bought some veggie chips, thinking they'd be good for you...they were 160 calories, mostly empty calories to be honest. Then I get home, and eat some bread dipped in spaghetti sauce :eek:

Now here you are...starting off great, doing good. Then you mess up through out the day. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has done this. So how do you guys "forgive" yourselves? In about a month, I have lost 5 pounds. I still need to lose like 25 more.But I feel like I am messing up so much, I am gaining it all back in a matter of days.So, how you guys forgive all your diet mess ups, instead of being too negative on yourself?

:cool: I love you guys, HECK YEAH MAN.

mambogirl81 02-27-2010 11:34 PM

Diet forgiveness
 
Hi Death Arrow, Yes, I have been there too often. All I can tell you is that you have to decide, "Ok.Today was not what I wanted it to be, but tomorrow will be" or you will end up two weeks from today still trying to regroup. Everyone has days like that. You need to focus on the weight you have lost, and not beat yourself up. Focusing on the negative only keeps you down. I needed this same kind of support recently and some others here said the same things to me. I had a similar type of day to yours yesterday, and today I am trying to move on. My house is loaded with Girl Scout cookies that I am trying not to eat. I am trying to remind myself how much better I will feel physically and emotionally if I don't cave in.

You have done well in the past because you have lost weight, so remember that and how good it feels, and forgive yourself for today and move on. You can do it!:)

cjohnson728 02-28-2010 12:14 AM

Oh, I SO hear what you're saying!
 
I get really agitated with myself when I "blow it." I am on the verge of that today...cold, work stressed, scale not friendly over the past weeks even though I've been good...it's easy to just say, forget it, today's a wash. In the past if I messed up during the day, I would give myself free reign to go hog wild, figuring it was down the tubes anyway! Some people are chain smokers; I became a chain snacker once I crossed the line!

Getting past that is hard. Usually I try to take an accurate look at how big the mess up was. If I went over my calorie allotment, for example, I would feel like I failed, but sometimes it was only by, like, 150 calories (yeah, sometimes more). But I started to remind myself that I have a choice at this time, just like mambogirl said before me. You can acknowledge that it wasn't the way you wanted, but you didn't die and the world didn't end. It also helps me to think of ways I can "make up" what slipped...sometimes the next day, sometimes over the course of a few days or a week, with upping the exercise and being extra careful about food on other days. That makes me feel more in control.

I think that the quote I have in my signature is the most helpful thing that helps me get past those times. It just hits the way my mind works so exactly that I can't argue with the logic.

Take it easy on yourself, move forward, small steps. As long as you stopped making bad choices, you're further along now than you were when you were slipping off the wagon :). If you are so strict that you don't give yourself permission to goof a little, that's not a lifestyle you can live with!

Built 02-28-2010 12:48 AM

I've been there, just like everyone else. For me it is definitely harder when I go out with others as I don't have as much control over how the food's prepared, what is being offered, etc. A week or two ago I went out to IHOP and ordered a chicken fajita omelette thinking it wouldn't cause too much damage. When I returned home and checked out the calories online (1300!), I was disappointed to say the least. But I got back on track and so can you. I learned that I need to check out online before I go out. That's kind of hard at a festival. So...I forgave myself. I probably did some good things that day, too, and I couldn't undo the past. Just chalk it up to a learning experience and do the next right thing.

RunbikeSki 02-28-2010 01:29 AM

Hey there DeathArrow,
Whew have I ever been there! Once upon a time I used to weigh myself all the time. Each time I gained a lb or 2 even though I thought I was "good" I'd just lose it and figure what the heck, I might as well eat a whole pizza and top it off with a pint of ice cream - and that was breakfast.

Now, I know I'll slip-up from time to time. I try to avoid situations like street festivals, super bowl parties, or birthday celebrations where I might be tempt to indulge in "forbidden" foods, but I refuse to skip all the fun activities with family and friends just to avoid temptation. I also threw out my scale (by the way) because it was causing far more heart ache when I failed, than celebration when I was successful, and used how my clothes were fitting.

But mostly I learned not only to forgive myself for being human, but to actually kind of celebrate my indulgence (hey, hey I got away with something). I take the opportunity to really look at which "bad" foods I really enjoyed and which I ate for reasons that have nothing to do with taste, but maybe from habit... like roasted ears of corn slathered in butter which to me is THE food of a street festival, but not something I really, truely love.

I know the standard issue recommendation is to eat a small meal before going to parties etc. But I have found, much like you did, that it doesn't really work for me, 'cuz I am not eating all that "bad" food because I am hungry, I am eating it 'cuz it looks good. So now I plan an indulgence... will it be a bag of those mini donuts that smell so good, or a piece of birthday cake, or that yuumy spinach dip that may have spinach in it, but little else good for you.

So, at the end of a slip-up day, go to bed knowing that you've had a "free day" and know that tomorrow will be a new day. Don't try to make-up by cutting even more calories the next day, just move on with what you need to do. You have made a decision to lose weight - that is all ahead of you. Keep looking ahead, not back. As the eastern seers say.. you are where your attention is focused. If your attention is focused on the bright future ahead, you will be in bright future. If you are focused on the mistakes of the past, you will be in the past.

Keep up the good work!

Built 02-28-2010 11:31 AM

Runbikeski: I absolutely loved your response! I don't know if you've participated in Body-for-Life (Bill Phillips' program), but your post encapsulates that program's phylosophy.

I especially liked the part: "As the eastern seers say.. you are where your attention is focused. If your attention is focused on the bright future ahead, you will be in bright future. If you are focused on the mistakes of the past, you will be in the past."

That's a keeper!:)

speedyfair 02-28-2010 04:06 PM

learning to make this a way of life
 
I really have a hard time too when I go out or at a party etc. It feels like I'm being deprived because everyone else can eat and I have to say no, but I'm learning it is better to indulge every once in a while and enjoy one treat than later going crazy and eating everything. I feel if I make it a choice to enjoy something then I am still in control and the food is not controlling me. I just try to make it up over the next several days or with an extra walk. For me this has to be a change in my lifestyle and not just a diet. I am learning to take control and chose that if I eat a certain food, I will have to also chose the consequences in the way I feel and extra work to compensate for that food, then I decide if it is worth that. The most powerful thing for me is that I now have control of my diet, before I felt the weight and food was controlling me.

DeathArrow 02-28-2010 06:33 PM

Wow you guys all had great responses!! All of them very helpful, thanks guys. Right now, I'm about to go ice skating with my friends. =)

:cool:

Cats82 03-06-2010 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Built (Post 4656)
I especially liked the part: "As the eastern seers say.. you are where your attention is focused. If your attention is focused on the bright future ahead, you will be in bright future. If you are focused on the mistakes of the past, you will be in the past."

That's a keeper!:)

This is great.

If there's one thing on this earth I'm an expert in, it's screwing up and starting over. Like Mark Twain said about quitting smoking, "Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. Why, I've done it hundreds of times myself."

When I goof, I remember that I am now faced with two choices, and only two: I can give up, or I can try again. There is nowhere else to go. (Well, you could shoot yourself, but we'll assume that's not on the table. :D ) Since I made up my mind a long time ago that giving up is not an option, well then, I gotta keep on keepin' on.

Like another poster so sapiently said, "It's not the end of the world." It really isn't. It's calories. Take whatever lesson you can from it, then delete and move on.

Keeping with the eastern theme, the Japanese have a wonderful saying that I have used a lot: "Fall down seven times, get up eight."


Cats

RunbikeSki 03-06-2010 06:39 PM

Thanks Built. I'm lovin' Cats82 motto: Fall down 7 times, get up 8.

How was ice skating Deatharrow? I haven't done that in years! A old friend celebrated her 50th birthday with a skating party several years ago. None of us had put the old blades on in many many years, but we all had a blast.


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