I'm back, Keep an eye on me
 

I will make this thread as my journal. You are welcome to read it and support me. If not, I just use it to hold me accountable.

A little bit about myself:
Female, 34 and really want to reach my goal this year so I can wear bikini. I used to weight 114 when I was 19. My weight started creeping up when I bought a motoscooter (instead of riding bike to work, and school) in my 20. I did notice that my clothes got tieder but I ignored it. Nine months before I got married, I was panic and really wanted to lose weight. But I couldn't, I was 65kg (143.3pounds). That point I realized that losing weight is a journey that take will power, consistence, and hard work. After moved to the US, I decided not to let myself to gain any more weight, I was success. (which I wen on a diet every sping and my diet end when the fall comes). I have read many diet books and tried all kind of diet. This went on for 8 years or so. Along the way I have 2 kids. But began summer 2010, I wanted to put an end to this yoyo cycle. I changed one thing at the time. I began to run and not worried about my diet. I ran 3 times a week, and 2 DVD work out. At the end of the summer I can run 9 mile on my long run. Since my phisical was better, I went on a diet. I am doing well until I stuck at 128. I began to question, whether I can lose any more weight? Can I be at 114 ever again? I took a week off my diet and rethink my goal.
Now I am back, I think I can do it. I just have to do it a bit differently. I will come here and write it as a journal. I will put it all out, the good, the bad and the ugly.
My weakest days of the week is weekend. When we are always out and about, we eat out. My husband doesn't help b/c he order all the things I am not suppose to eat. Or even week day, he order pizza and i can help it to have a slice or 2 even if I already have dinner. I guess I don't have a strong willpower.
But I'm back and do it again. I think about my bikini everyday I just need to lose about 8 pounds more (115 is very nice, if not 120 will do). I have 7 weeks to lose 8 pounds before my trip to Vienam. I keep telling myself. I really want this, want bikini, want to be able to feel roomy in my clothes.
I want it. I want it. I want it.And I will get it.
Thank you for reading,
I will begin tomorrow. Report everything.
Mai

So, i just have dinner. How full I am, from 1-10? It's about 8 or 9. Not so good, I should try to have it at 7. So I actually eat too much tonight.
However, I have 500 cals deficit b/c I have work out. I felt good to start.
Tomorrow is the weekend. We usually out and about and eat out. and a Easter eggs hunt in the neighboor hood. It's going to be a challenge. I have to think bikini so I can keep my cals in budget.
Mai

I am doing great today. Start out with a run (in the rain). Watch everything I ate, however, I ate 300 unnessesary cals more. But still keep some deficit.
About 400 cals.

Good news: I lost 1.5 inches of my waist. So that definitly give me a boost. I felt very good, thin and happy.

Tomorrow night dinner is a challenge. Lassagna for dinner. I have to be very careful so I don't eat too much.
My solution: running first thing in the morning so I won't feel so bad if I eat a bit more lassagna.
Think thin, think bikini.

Hi there i just want to say well done on your motivation. You sound really focused and determined to reach your goal. I will keep reading your thread to see how you go on your journey!
Tracey

Thanks Tracey, I will post every night. And I promised myself I will be as honest as I can.

Tonight, as I said, Lasagna for dinner. Just an estimate on fitday, but I was way over eat.
I run 4 miles this morning. Good exercise!
However, 2,115 cals in and 2,175 out. So I only have 60 cals defitcit.
It's ok! I knew this will happen and I can't help myself. I felt quite full (8-9), The Lasagna was very good (my husband signature dish) though.
In the next couple of days I will try to eat a little bit less to make up today. It's easier for me during the week.
One week end and another begin.
Focus, focus, focus...
Mai

Great way to think about it, Mai. You're doing very well!

Thanks Cassie!
You are my inspiration.
Mai

OMG, what a day I had! So bored and stressfull. We will go to Vietnam this Summer. So today I suppose to make hotel reservation. We want to stay cheap and luxury too. So it's hard to find a place like that. I spend hours on the internet to find the place, but still undecided now. The kids just got on my nerve. I felt bad to react the way I did (yell, time out. ...) But I can't control myself. I end up put them all to bed without book, or brush teeth.
For that many reason, my calories day is out of order. The first half of the day went Ok. Around 3 pm I ate and ate and ate. Top it of with dinner, I found a slice of meat lover pizza (maybe a week ago), I felt wastfull to throw out so I ate it. 1 pound of clam, and some other thing. My total calories in over 2,500. That left me 647 cals over. OMG, I feel stuff right now. I don't like this feeling.
Tomorrow is another day. Will get back on.
Mai

Calories in 1,501
Calories out 2,333
Defecit: 832
Yes!!!! I did it today. I eat very clean and work out 1hour 20 minutes. I did it. I did it...
I just have to keep it up for a few days more to make up on Monday and Sunday.

I just discover that I need something salty, meaty (as a lunch) in order to sastified at my 3pm snack. I have been try to be healthy and eat an apple or so. It doesn't sastified me then I would munch more and more. That how I am struggle with my calories budget.
Today, I said,"what the heck, I am going to eat what I want". My 3pm snack look like this:
1/2 C of rice, 50g of pork loin, 1/2 spinach
Sounds a lot for snack, but it works today. I didn't over eat at dinner.
My solution: I will make my lunch and diner a bit smaller and add some fruit with it. That way I can have my salty snack. And also get the fruit in my diet.
Mai

Good thinking, Mai. It's all about learning what works for you. Sounds like you've been doing that very well. Glad you were able to move past the dinner issue last night without getting far off track.

Thanks Cassie,
It's all about learn and don't give up.

Calories in: 1,416
Calories out: 2,144
Defecit: 728
I am on track, that all I want to say.
I did my stratergy as I said yesterday (eat small lunch and dinner with some fruit) That will leave me cals budget for my 3pm snack (carb, vegi, protein as a lunch) Sound weird! Hey, It works.
I felt very satified, happy and I don't feel like I am a diet.
Today i have an Easter egg hunt for the kids. Candy every where. But I don't feel like I want any. After dinner, I feel like I want some ice cream, so I have 1/8C of it. Still in my calories count.

I ran 4 miles today. It was hard for some reason. But I pull it through. I am very happy about that. May be the heat, 86 degree here today.

Thanks all (everone) who read my journal. To know that someone read, it helps me to stay on track and hold myself accountable.
Mai

Hi Lastri,

Good job on your dedication. I will read your post as well. My goal is 115 by summer--I was at 137 at the end of November, I just weighed myself this morning and finally broke the 120 lb mark at 119.0 That had been a challenge for me. I have been stuck at 121-123 for a couple of months now and need that final push to get my to my goal and maintain.

I will read your post to help keep you on track. Good luck over the easter weekend. It's hard for me with all the chocolate around but now that I finally broke the 120--I have extra incentive to not blow it!

Hi etlosenow, Congrat on your goal too. You only 4 pounds away.
I just noticed that you and me have the same goal except that I have more pound to lose than you. 115 by Jun 4, or 120 will do. But at this point I just take one day at the time.
128 broke this morning. Now I am 127. I am very excited. This is the lowest I have ever been for more than 10 years.
Mai

As much as I excited with 127 this morning, I throw my day out of the window. I did not so bad after my dinner, however, my husband came home late and I make him his own dinner (garlicky shrimps with garlic bread). Then I have dinner all over again. That make my calories +100.
I am quite full now, between 9-10. Will I do my last 30 minutes work out to make it -100cals instead, or should I let it go and make up tomorrow. It's 9:48pm already. Should I ? should I not? I let you know tomorrow.

There is one problem. Sunday: Indian buffet with friends, and Easter dinner at mother in law. What should I do? Two big meals in one day, too much. I think I will skip buffet and just go for Easter dinner. If i want to lose these stubborn pounds I need to be strong and sacrified some part. I know it's all about will power, but I don't have that yet.
I love that skinny girl inside of me so much that I have say no to some fun thing sometime.
Mai

Ok, it's late 10:15 pm
But I think I have to make my day -100 instead of +100.
So I am off to work out for 30 minutes.
Mai

Ok, Now I am -187 cals.
I feel better.

will power
 

Calories in 1253, calories out 1853---- defecit 600
today is my running schedule but it's raining here.
I am doing very good today. For some reason I don't feel very hungry. My husband want to go out today. I ordered scallop with warm spinach salad (340 cals) and I only eat half of it. The bread, calamari, and chocolate cake, red wine did not temp me. I have my will power today. :D

My big goal this weekend is either buying a new belt (smaller size of course), or make a new hole in my old belt.
The weekend will be a biggest challenge of all. I said no to 1 big meal and still have Easter dinner. On Sat my husband will be busy so we (me and kids) will be on our own that will be easy control. Just 1 left is dinner on Sat.

Will power, will power.....
Mai

Well, I tried to control myself today. 2pm my husband came with chinesse order in. Can't control any more, Have 1 cup of fried rice and a bunch of stir fry pork and vegi. And now I have 488 calories defecit, Not too bad but my husband ordered pizza.
Pizza is at the dinning table. Will I have my willpower or I won't. That is a tough challenge.

Be strong. Be strong. Be strong
I am going to run frist thing in the morning.
While I ran this morning I just found out that I always set my goal and never reach it. I have yo-yo diet for many years.
Last Summer I set my goal to run ten miles. I trained consistantly, and run up to 9 miles. The week I support to run 10 miles. We have to go on vacation, then holiday came. I lost my momentum and I let my goal slipped away.
In Jan/2011 I set my goal to be 125 in my birthday (which is in March). I did not reach that goal. On my birthday I weight 128. Instead of wait to reach the goal I had set. Right away I set another goal to be 115 by Jun 3rd.
What is this mean spychologically? Will this affect my life in a long term?

I actually did not run yet. Now we head for Dimsum.
Willpower again.
I was strong not to even look at the pizza last night.
I am so proud of myself.
Mai

I did run yesterday. I ran from my house to my in law house, 42 minutes.
I eat quite a lot at dinner, ham, potato pie, cream of spinach. Desert is cake, cupcake, and chocolate.
I managed to just have 181 cals deficit.
Today is a new day, and a new week. I have to work at it. I want to see number 126 on the scale this Friday.
Gotta focus.
Mai

I tried hard today b/c it's my rest day so I can't eat too much. But I was craving for chocolate. I advoided until 6pm, but i kept thinking about it. Finally I said "Screw it" I just gonna eat it to get it over with. I did. I ate about 300 cals worth of it. My cals in and out is balance. I don't have any defitcit today.
But that is ok. I started again tomorrow.
Mai

I think you did well, Mai, to limit it to 300 and balance your calories. You didn't take any backward steps today; sometimes that's the best you can do.

I understand about it being your rest day. Today was my rest day, too, and I burned about 1550 calories. It's pretty hard to get a significant deficit from that, so it takes longer to get rid of a pound.

Keep it up; you're doing great!

Thanks Cassie, I do tried to measure, counting, and log .... I put it all out so I can see and be more aware of it.

Yesterday I manage to have close to 500 deficit. However, this morning I again felt tired of my diet again. Maybe just the mental things because I eat exactly what I want so I don't think my body deprived. I checked on my protein, and fat and fiber. The ratio is fine.
I think this would be my life style, I should be aware of my food and my excercise every day if I wanted to be thin and healthy.
Stay focus.
Mai

I'm back too; I've gained 5-10 pounds since I started hormonal birth control (weight depends on what day of the week and what time of day it's been). It's so depressing but I can't stop eating and keep eating until fullness of 12 out of 10. I try mind tricks and games to not eat but it doesn't work. I just have no more motivation for calorie counting. I am NEVER hungry but I just eat and eat. My skinny pants are all too tight and I have to wear my fat pants I was going to donate.

I'm tempted to just stop the birth control and hope to God I lost the weight again. It might not be the birth control, might just me being a pig, but that would be the easiest thing to try.

I wish I lived alone so I could buy premade "diet" food packages just for a few weeks. I get into trouble w portion control and my family b/c they need to eat just normally.

Rubypeanut,
It's very hard. I have been on all different site, diet many times. As I said at the beginning. I always lost about 10 pounds and give up. But this year I found this forum, it's extremly motivate me. I spent a lot of time to read very thing everyone said which help me a lot.
You have your hard time right now. I wish I have a fomula or a magic whip to get you back on track.
Just take a few days, clear your head and begin your new journey. It's harder done than said but you've done it before and you can do it all over again.
You are welcome to use this thread for your journal. Put it all out there to keep you accountable.
Good luck,
Mai

Now this is my journal.
What a day I had! I just craved for sweet. I keep eating chocolate. I probably ate 3,000 cals today, and not work out at all. I am so full but I keep thinking about chocolate. I decided to scratch out today and begin tomorrow.
Mai

Thanks for your encouragement, lastri!

I fall off the wagon. Too much food yesterday and today. No excercise.
Ugh, I am so disapointed at myself. Beside I got really bad allergy with the weather. Maybe that takes my focus away. Hopped on the scale this morning, 129, 2 pounds more than last Friday.
What do you expect? You ate and no work out, you have to gain weight, so simple.
UGH, I hate the dark side of me.
I have to get back, I have to.... Just 4 more weeks. I will travel and see my family. I haven't seen them for 4 years. I want to look good, not just for them, for me.
A new day is coming. I gotta get back on.
Mai

I haven't visited the site fin the last 2 days. Not even log in my food. My allergy is killing me. I have no energy what so ever. But I am for sure get right back on tomorrow.

I was curious and got on the dunkan diet website last night. I log on my number and it said that my happy weight (the weight that i can maintain) is 118-119, so I guess goal 115 maybe unrealistic. Well, if the dunkan website is right, I only have around 10 pounds or so to lose.

Though it's hard but I think I can get there. Just time will tell.
Mai

Yeah, I'm back. I ate a bit much at dinner, however, I had an hour work out at 9:30pm. So I got 500 cals deficit.
Yeah, I feel good.

I am going to be out for a few days. I still try to get back but it hard. I have some deficit but not very much (400 is the most). Well, at least I don't over eat. I felt tired over all. I tried to get exercise in but it is very lousy kind of work out. I have not work out today. I wanted to fit one in. It's very fustrated because one day I weight 127 and then a few days later I weight 3 pounds more and stay there for 1 week. I know eventually it will go down but it just drives me nuts.
My allergy is just bother me a lot. I run/walk yesterday but I was just cough and running nose. It was very annoyed.
I will be out until next Monday with a new stratergy.
Mai

Hang in there, Mai, and give yourself a break for a few days. You're doing fine; you'll get back in there. Feel better soon!

I'm back
 

I wrote last night but it lost.:(
Basically, I am slowly get back on track. I ran 5 miles this morning. My legs are still tired right now, But i am happy. Glad I did.


I think I just have to take this journey slow and not get frustrated about it. Simply because I can't give up all my bad habit in exchange for a better one.
1. I can't eat sweetener (don't like the taste, so I don't drink anything with added sugar) though I cook with a lot of sugar.
2. White rice, rice noodle, I love it so much, and will not want to give up for brown rice.
3. Sodium...:mad:
Just take it slow. one day at the time. Maybe I will reach my goal next summer. the important thing is not to let the weight creep back up.

There is one thing though. I do not see myself smaller. My husband and inlaw said how good, skinny I look. And I wear smaller size. But in the mirror, I see myself still fat. Is there some trick to help the mind to match the body?
Mai

Try taking pictures. Sometimes that seems like a more realistic picture than the mirror. You are working hard. You'll get it.

Thanks Cassie!
I will try that.

Yesterday I doing good with food overall, But then at night I felt hungry and ate some vegi soup. Not so terrible, but I rather not eat anything.
Today is a new day. SO far I ate 615 cals. This is my new strategy. Try to eat very little at breakfast and lunch, save most of it for dinner, especially, if we have to go out.
Check back later.
mai

A miarical thing happen this morning. The scale show 126.6 that is the lowest number I ever seen. I am excited. Finally, after 2-3 week, it shows again. But I pulled myself back from that excitement. In the past, I always excited to see the weight change then I slip right in that day. I tried to remind myself that it's great but you still need to work harder.

Despite all that, we went to popeyes for dinner. My husband said thank you for let him allowing the family go to popeyes. Well I wasn't really try hard to be healthy either. I had 500 deficit today but Ugh.
Keep trying. I lost average a pound every 2-3 weeks.No rush .... really.
Mai

I have been reluctant about my food log. I know I didn't try really hard but I do think about my food every time I eat and try to enjoy it slowly.
I didn't gain or lose this week. I have 1 more week to my vacation. And I try to maintain my weight on vacation however, if I gain, try not to gain more than 4 pounds (which is 1 pound a week). That is my plan. I think I can do it.
Excercise wise: I plan to work out, run or whatever I can whenever I can. I will weight myself before and after ( I did this before, quite ugly, but I like to face it)

Here i am again. I have not losing anything in the last 2 weeks. Now my 4 weeks vacation to Vietnam coming tomorrow.
I try not make a big thing about it. I try to be active and try not to eat too much (which is very hard).
I will continue my journey when I come back.
Mai

Hope you have a wonderful trip, Mai! Be well, don't get all worked up over little things; just try to make good choices most of the time and enjoy yourself!

Hey Mai, you back yet? Hope your trip went well, I was wondering where you'd gotten to when you were quiet, then saw you went away.
Hope you're gonna come back to us here! :)