I responded to this one yesterday, but somehow it didn't post. You and I have some serious similarities. I'm 42, have 3 daughters (mine are younger 9, 7 and 4), but they also like their junk food. My husband is not a stick, but he had the nerve to lose weight every time I got pregnant so he's now maybe 70 pounds lighter than he was when we got married. When I started this I weighed 244.6lbs, but at 5'-2" I'm much shorter than you and had a BMI of 44
, and all the charts say I should weigh 115!!!
I hear you on the "cook but don't eat blues", so I decided before I even got started that I was NOT going to cook 2-3 separate meals and eat lettuce while everyone else ate juicy cheese burgers and greasy fries. There have been moments of serious mutiny in this house, but what is good for the goose is good for the goslings and the gander. So in my kitchen if you do not volunteer to cook, you eat what's put on the table and keep your complaints to yourself. It took a while, and some kicking and screaming, but I've held out long enough now that they've stopped complaining, they have favorite dishes, and they are even making much healthier choices away from home. You just have to decide that you are not only in charge of your own health, you are in charge of theirs as well.
I still cook a lot of the old favorites, only now I use healthier ingredients. The only bread in the house is whole grain 35 calorie/slice or 100 calorie slim buns. Don't like my bread, buy your own and hide it! Pasta is whole wheat or squash, pizza is made with whole wheat flour, part skim mozzarella cheese and turkey pepperoni. Well you get the idea. It takes a while and you have to be really stubborn with the fam, but they will either join you or do their own cooking (either way you win).
My mother works in an ER and meets tons of people/families every day, she has determined that the overall health of a family is most often determined by the mother - a healthy mom = healthy family, unhealthy mom = unhealthy family. The pediatrician I take the kids to, said exactly the same thing, and she's never met my mother. So mom, you gotta do what you gotta do, good luck.